Plot and Character Feedback

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Started by Lunarea 1231 posts Page 27 of 62 View original ↗
  1. FlipJaxx
    #521 Source
    Devon said:
    Sounds like something i would play!

    I love western, wildwest themes and your ideas are totally great!

    And yes, always start with the plot, bad things are happening because I made the rest before the plot!

    So, good luck!
    Thanks, I hope it sounds interesting, just a bit worried that I may have a bit too ambitious goals for the game ;)
  2. Devon
    #522 Source
    FlipJaxx said:
    Thanks, I hope it sounds interesting, just a bit worried that I may have a bit too ambitious goals for the game ;)
    Every game is ambitious, you will only know what is too much when you start making these things.And never give up!
  3. Schlangan
    #523 Source
    Devon said:
    Every game is ambitious, you will only know what is too much when you start making these things.


    And never give up!
    Even better, you can also think that there is no "too much". It depends on what you want to do, a quick release for people to play, or something that add contents bit by bit, even if it takes 10 years to complete :D
  4. RampartCratylus
    #524 Source
    I also had ideas about an 'immigration' game. With parameters such as 'language acquisition' and so forth... Looking forward to your ideas!

    My game too, I fear is ambitious. I'm slowly consolidating and decanting all the bits and pieces and trying to sketch a grander narrative (character driven) over AND against it, to create a lot of conflict. A big theme is the intersection of the Microcosm and the Macrocosm, so personal development and world-events within the lore are carefully considered against each other. 
  5. Verador
    #525 Source
    Hello everyone, I would like to share the main plot of my game's story and get some feedback. So please let me know what you all think about this.
     
    Humans have become dependent on the arcane, although they would believe that they are the masters, it is Magic itself that has begun to take control. Almost all humans have at least some magical potential, they call themselves the Mavens. Those without, are cast out of society at a young age. Forsaken, left for dead, those individuals who survived often became thieves or mercenaries. One man has united all humans, the most powerful Maven to have ever existed. He has ordered the extermination of all other races, those he believes are beneath humans and are merely holding their race back.

    The story will start off on a rather ordinary day. The main character, and his partner, are running from some bounty hunters that have discovered that they are not Mavens, After having fought off several of the hunters, the two are finally cornered by a group. Thinking that they have finally ran out of luck the entire group of hunters collapses seemingly out of nowhere. The partners, all that were left standing, walk around the city to find that everyone has experienced the same fate. Everyone is dead.
     

    Spoiler
    The Arcane itself has rebelled; it is not so much an entity as it is a consciousness. Those with great arcane power have been enthralled by their own magic and are now being used to remove the magic abusing race of humans from existence. Those Mavens with little magic potential were deemed useless and destroyed all at once by the Arcane. Hence the sudden collapse of the bounty hunters and the city as a whole.
    Only those that were cast out due to their lack of magic have survived along with what is left of the other races of the world.
    The main character, although appearing to be a plain Forsaken human will discover that he is unique and holds the ability to restore balance to the world.
    His partner, holds several secrets of her own, her race, what she knows of the main character, and what her true purpose has been spending so many years at his side.
     
    The player will play as the main character and his partner, as they attempt to discover what has befallen the world. They will run into very few living beings, some enthralled, some are outcasts who have taken up the life of crime, and some who have luckily escaped the horrible fate.

    Those who are friendly may join the player, either as a party member in combat, or someone who can provide a useful service where ever they may set up a base of operations. As the game goes on this base will become larger as more people are found and join the quest of survival.
  6. Devon
    #526 Source
    Casus said:
    Hello everyone, I would like to share the main plot of my games story and get some feedback. So please let me know what you all think about this.

      Humans have become dependent on the arcane, although they would believe that they are the masters, it is Magic itself that has begun to take control. Almost all humans have at least some magical potential, they call themselves the Mavens. Those without, are cast out of society at a young age. Forsaken, left for dead, those individuals who survived often became thieves or mercenaries. One man has united all humans, the most powerful Maven to have ever existed. He has ordered the extermination of all other races, those he believes are beneath humans and are merely holding their race back.

    The story will start off on a rather ordinary day. The main character, and his partner, are running from some bounty hunters that have discovered that they are not Mavens, After having fought off several of the hunters, the two are finally cornered by a group. Thinking that they have finally ran out of luck the entire group of hunters collapses seemingly out of nowhere. The partners, all that were left standing, walk around the city to find that everyone has experienced the same fate. Everyone is dead.
    Wow, that's something intense!I would really like to see how you will develop it!

    Intense stories = Intense details, gameplay etc.

    Good luck!
  7. BeardBro
    #527 Source
    @Casus

    Enthralling. Your story is unique and vast, which gives you a lot of flexibility as a writer. What is the history of the Arcane? It's clearly sentient, so can it be killed? Is the Arcane inherently good or evil? Why are only some people affected by the Arcane, and why did it NOT choose to 'bless' the Forsaken?

    My suspension of disbelief was tested by the 'main character can restore balance' bit, mainly because this sounds like a broken world where true balance cannot be achieved, and because the protagonist would need to have a very personal connection with the Arcane in order to make any significant changes to it. Since the main character is Forsaken, it seems unlikely that he would have any type of a connection to the Arcane, let alone be able to change it on a universal scale. It's certainly possible to work that 'chosen one' into the story, but with a universe as dark and broken as this, it would need to be handled with tact.

    This is an excellent idea and I can't wait to see it fully fleshed out. :)
  8. Marquise*
    #528 Source
    I was wondering credit or copywright wise if we got a character disguising as a Klingon or doing some TV tropes type functioning props if there was a law against it? Like that handicapped tinkerer building himself a Knight Industry Two Thousand car from modifying and painting black an 80's Trans-Am and getting it a red DEL scanner on it?
  9. Verador
    #529 Source
    Thank you, I appreciate the nice words. Also, I really appreciate the questions. I need someone to question things and talk to about all of this stuff, it keeps the creativity flowing and prevents inconsistencies.

    So a lot of this could still be changed but here is what I've got in answer to your questions. Be aware, the person playing the game will learn about all of this as it progresses. Not much of this will be known from the start.

    Spoiler
    The Arcane Is the only remnant of The Old Ones, the original race of beings that created all of the other races. It is their warped collective energy that has been enslaved by man and used to do their bidding. 

    So The Old Ones created each of the other races in turn, trying to inhabit their world with diverse beings, each powerful in their own right. The oldest of these races are the (Felani) with the abilities to dampen energy and pass on all their knowledge upon their death.

    Then came the (Elves), Immortal and able to commune with nature, Then the (Dwarves), exceptionally strong, and resistant to all but the most powerful magic. After the (Dwarves) came the (Gnomes), given an exceptional intellect allowing them to create grand items and machinery that could be mistaken for magic. Finally came Man, thought to be the greatest of their creations. The Old Ones gave Man the ability to use their energy, or Magic, as if it were their own. Over time the Human's greed got the better of them. They wanted more power. They learned that they could control the magic in ways The Old Ones never could, They enslaved them, and locked them away. The physical forms of the Old Ones eventually withered and died, however as long as the humans continued to harness their energy, Magic would remain. The other races were powerless against the humans, and chose instead to keep to themselves and and survive rather than become the next target.

    The names of any of the races are subject to change. I really enjoy a lot of the typical Fantasy races and creatures, but at the same time they are overused. So I have decided to go with these names or come up with new ones.

    Those humans that do not have the ability to harness magic are just biologically different. its like why are some people left handed. If I were to find a different explanation I'd be open to changing up this part.

    About the main character, The Old Ones learned a lot from each race that they created. They learned that there were risks involved, and that conflict could arise between the different races, or even towards them. They planted anomalies in each of the races that they created. each race had many differences within its own people. So when these anomalies came along they seemed like just another person, However each held the key to the downfall of their own race. Unaware of it themselves, If used properly by The Old Ones they were able to counteract the problems  that their race's abilities could cause.

    I think this last part could use some tweaking too. 
  10. Atlas Rose
    #530 Source
    Heyo! I'm creating a game and I've got basic plot and such, but I'm looking for feedback and/or any ideas y'all think would make it better. 

    A small forest town used to worship a god of fortune, and had a shrine erected for him. They paid tribute and such as good followers do for a very long time. Then, a (undetermined) goddess comes to the town and showers them with gifts so she would be worshipped. After a while she wins them over, and the fortune god is slowly forgotten and his shrine falls to ruin.

    As the player, you play a young woman named Moira Cicero. The town has worshipped the goddess for many generations and no longer remember the god. The town is tearing apart at it's seems, figuratively, as misfortune befalls the townspeople. You can explore the town and meet it's residents or go straight to the church to pay tribute to the goddess. You briefly run into a hooded figure, who questions why you follow the goddess. I'm not exactly sure what else happens this day.

    Something happens (not sure what) and the god takes the townspeople and traps them in the forest along with a little girl, Lavina, who tells the player she happened to be travelling nearby. The god rants about how he was forgotten and curses the people to slowly turn into trees. The only way to stop him is for the people to pass trials the god makes for them (trials of combat, wit, etc. Mostly puzzle type things). The player must defeat all of these trials in order to stop the curse, while protecting the Lavina. 

    I would share the ending but as I am new to forums, I have no idea how to make a spoiler tab. If someone wishes to share then I can edit this to show the end, as it has a few lovely plot twists I wouldn't want to spoil.

    Also, naming projects is literally the hardest part. 
  11. desmondstryker
    #531 Source
    Hello, I'm new to the community and would like some feedback on my plot idea.  Just so you know this is just a very rough idea and still in the process of being fleshed out and tweaked.

    Humans are at war with the Elves. (18 years ago from the beginning of the story).  The focus of the story is that the main characters (Human and Elf) have fallen in love but the love is forbidden.  Travaylen is actually heir to the throne of Drakarnia.  Desmond’s father takes her in when she is but a small child.  He raised her along with Desmond as a human child.  No one knows of her Elven heritage. (Later we find out that Desmond’s father was a friend of the Elven Royal Family.  The Village is eventually raided and she is taken captive.  Desmond’s father is killed and Desmond heads out to save her.

                                      During the game he finds out Travaylen’s true heritage and realizes that he is in love with her.    As the story progresses we find that they have to stop the war between the two races and restore peace to Drakarnia. 

                                      Around 3/4ths of the way through the game we find out that Desmond’s (father) was not really his.  Desmond’s true father was of the Dracon Clan (a cult to bring about the resurrection of the great dragons of old.)  The final piece to resurrect the Dragons is the blood of the Elven Princess.  (Travaylen).  

    .   
  12. Nakmeath
    #532 Source
    I'm new to this sort of thing... so I'll get right down to it. 

     I'm currently trying to write my game script (the story of the game) and I'm hitting some rather mental blocks kind of hard. I also currently do not have a concrete title for this game idea of mine.. just could not think of one just yet. 
     
    My main goal of the story is to make it a horror story based off of two events running at the same time, while trying to make it where nothing is as it seems to the player and to Fufu-chan at the beginning. Also for character ages and other timeline stuff... I haven't fully figured out yet. 

    I kinda want to make this game kind of like Resident Evil two, where you had to solve some puzzles by obtaining items to progress through. Also after seeing some youtube vids of a game called 'Mad Father' inspired me to do ensure some puzzle solving/item seeking is done in the game. There is a lot in this idea of mine that I haven't fully thought out just yet... so please bare with me. 

    As for any kind of battle system... I haven't decided yet...

    As for the skill system... I want to make it where you have to level certain 'Aspects' in order to gain new skills. 

    Weapons I have in mind are your typical bats, swords, knives, and various guns, each needed their own skill to be trained. To train them, you have to use the actual weapon. For guns... you need to meet and convince certian NPC's to train the character(s).

    For Magic You need to find the elemental tome related to the element to unlock it. That's the idea anyways... now onto the story!

    In the spoiler below helps describe the situation that causes it Fufu-chan to have multiple personality disorder.  

    Spoiler
    The idea for Fufu-chan is that she's suffering from multiple personality disorder, with one of three personalities being herself. The other her conscious and the third and final being her dark side taking the form of a succubus within her mind.
     The reason for her split personality disorder happens from an event that occurs between her and her boyfriend, which the intro shows. The idea is that her boyfriend was cheating on her, she found out and the boyfriend not liking being accused attacks her, but she defends herself. However, she still ends up getting wounded pretty badly. The boy is also wounded pretty badly and collapses where he is at. The girl that he was seeing quickly walks onto the scene and goes to check on on the boy. When the other girl is near him, he gets up and in a fit of rage, blames her and kills her with his dying breath. Later, it is seen that Fufu-chan survived and when she is told what the police found on the scene, hearing that her boyfriend is dead and her friend, whom her boyfriend was cheating with, is also dead, causes her mind to break and causes her to have amnesia. Mostly from the guilt she carries in her heart.
    Now... for the second part of the story that is occurring at the same time. When Fufu-chan goes to school, she finds a fellow classmate of hers being picked on. She's afraid to confront the bullies but in the end, when they finally leave for class, the classmate glares and blames everyone for his problems, promising revenge, including Fufu-chan. Now to continue... this classmate is someone who has been researching the occult just so he could come up with something to get his 'revenge' on everyone. Now... in the spoiler below, is more or less how I've written the script thus far, for those that are interested in reading it and helping provide feed back. 

    The Script as I've written it so far:

    Spoiler
    Scene One::

    [SIZE=14.6666666666667px]Fufu chan is seen cleaning and sweeping her home in a medieval like setting. [Hero] [/SIZE]

    walks into the house.

    [SIZE=14.6666666666667px][Hero]: “Hello Fufu-chan. Think you can help me out with some food and water before I [/SIZE]

                go out today on my adventure?”

    [SIZE=14.6666666666667px]Fufu chan smiles at [Hero][/SIZE]

    [SIZE=14.6666666666667px]Fufu-chan: “Of course, [Hero]. Give me a moment, because I made your special lunch [/SIZE]

                       today!”

    Fufu chan walks out of living room area into kitchen to grab the lunch and skin sack of

    [SIZE=14.6666666666667px]water she put together for [Hero].[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=14.6666666666667px]While Fufu chan is getting the items together, [Hero] goes through her house tearing [/SIZE]

    stuff apart.

    [SIZE=14.6666666666667px][Hero]: “She’s taking too long. Guess I’ll just grab what I can find and go out and meet [/SIZE]

                ‘her’”.

    After everything is torn up, he leaves.

    Fufu chan walks out of kitchen and into the living room. She looks around for a moment.

    Fufu chan: “Why… why did he do this?”

    She then sets the stuff down on a table in the living room. Player has freedom to move

    around and check everything.

    ||Add secret Item here: 1 of 7 Total item shards needed: 7||

    Once the destroyed/damaged places have all been checked

    Fufu chan:”He took everything… my books and… my memento to my grandmother! I  

                      won’t let him get away with this!!”

    Fufu chan runs out of the home.

    Scene Two::

    [SIZE=14.6666666666667px][Hero] is seen with a succubus in the forest area that is around Fufu chan’s home. [/SIZE]

    Succubus: “Oh? This is rather amusing. You fight like a Blood Knight. Why don’t we play

                      around a little? Perhaps you’ll be amusing as my little pet?”

    [SIZE=14.6666666666667px][[if possible have succubus do a come here motion in the sprite]][/SIZE]

    [SIZE=14.6666666666667px][Hero] doesn’t answer the succubus, instead he just runs at her. [/SIZE]

    [SIZE=14.6666666666667px][start Battle][/SIZE]

    [SIZE=14.6666666666667px]|| If player loses with [Hero] go to Game Over ||[/SIZE]

    Succubus is now seen wounded and causing a blood trail, while she is sliding back away

    [SIZE=14.6666666666667px]from [Hero].[/SIZE]

    Hero walks up towards the succubus and as he’s about to land the killing blow, the

    succubus strikes him in the chest, which in turn makes him drop his blade down into her.

    ||Pan screen to the right, where Fufu-chan comes onto the scene||

    [SIZE=14.6666666666667px]Fufu-chan/kun comes onto the scene. Shocked yet confused she walks up to the [Hero] [/SIZE]

    and kneels down beside him, checking him.

    Fufu-chan: “Oh god… this can’t be happening…”  

    [SIZE=14.6666666666667px][Hero] wakes up and looks at Fufu-chan.[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=14.6666666666667px][[/SIZE]Hero]:: “You… It’s… all your FAULT!!!” He is yelling.

    [SIZE=14.6666666666667px][Hero] then slowly stands, with a Fufu-chan going onto her butt and quickly sliding [/SIZE]

    backwards with her hands and feet. Hero walks up to Fufu-chan and stabs his blade into

    Fufu-chan. He continues to do this repeatedly, with the scene blacking out and the stabbing sounds continuing.

    Scene Three::

       Fufu-chan wakes up in bed, in her room in a modern day room. She then looks

                   around.

     Fufu-chan“Just a dream…?”

      Fufu-chan then gets up out of bed in her nightgown and looks at the time.

    Fufu-chan:“It’s almost 7:00!! I’ll be late for school!!”

    Fufu chan is then seen running to her dresser quickly and then to her bedroom.

    Sounds of clothes being changed are heard, before she she comes out. She then rushes

    out of her room and to school.

    Scene Three::

    Fufu-chan, at the front entrance of her school witnesses a fellow classmate being picked

    on and being called names. She stands there and watching and listening.

    Bully 1: ”Hey look at this, Mr. Skinny bones here is trying to buff up with some protein

      stuff in his lunch!”

    Bully 2: “Hey, you know what rhymes with your name, Dale? Chip n’ Dale Rescue

                 rangers! No wonder why you're so skinny, you’re a perfect match for a chipmunk,

      you anamorphic animal lover!!!”

    Bully 2 pushes the classmate of Fufu-cha’s down, who falls onto his butt.

    The first bell for school then rings.

    Bully 1: “You're lucky cause the bell rang and ‘we’ don’t want to be late for class!”

    Bully 2: “See you later, Chip n’ Dale!”

    The two bullies and their fellow friends leave and head for the school interior.

    Fufu chan walks up to her classmate.

    Fufu chan: “Are you alright Dale?”

    Dale: “You… WHY…. WHY DID YOU JUST STAND THERE AND WATCH!!” He yells

              and cries as he stands up.

    Dale:”No… I don’t want to know… they’ll all pay… and you’ll pay as well!” He yells

             angrily and runs away from the school.

    Fufu-chan looks down towards where her classmate ran.

    Fufu-chan: “Why… am I included…? I didn’t know what to do… and standing up to them              

                                   always makes things worse…”

    Fufu-chan shakes her head and turns to the school and walks in.

    [SIZE=14.6666666666667px][[Transition into the entranceway of the school]][/SIZE]

    Fufu-chan: “If I remember correctly, my classroom number is 302. I need to hurry before

           the second bell rings.”

      [SIZE=14.6666666666667px] [[Free Roaming Given here.]][/SIZE]

    ||Add secret Item In Nurses Office: 2 of 7 Total item shards needed: 7||

    Scene Four::

    Fufu chan is now scene in class at a later time in the day.

    Teacher: “Now that we have role call out of the way, we will begin with today’s lesson.

                   Oddly enough our story is similar to an event that took place a few months

                    ago not to far from our school..”

    Fufu stops paying attention as she is thinking to herself.

    Fufu chan: (I wonder why… he was blaming me. I didn’t know what to do… even now I

                       still do not know what I should have done...)

    Teacher looks at Fufu and walks up to her.

    Teacher: “Fufu.”

    Fufu-chan:(If I had tried to stand up to them… there was no telling what they would have  

                      done to me… Grandma… what would you have wanted me to do?)

    Teacher:”Miss Fufu!!”

    The teacher is yelling her name.

    Fufu chan jumps and looks up at her classroom teacher.

    [SIZE=14.6666666666667px][[bring up first person perspective picture screen of the teacher in the classroom [/SIZE]

     for a few moments, before flashing to her to look demonic.Maybe add some vocals?]]

    [SIZE=14.6666666666667px] [[Return to classroom scene.]][/SIZE]

    Fufu chan jumps out of her seat away from the teacher, scared out of her mind.

    The teacher blinks, looking at fufu-chan worriedly.

    Teacher: “Fufu… you look pale.. you should go to the nurse's office and get looked at for

                    now.”

    Sileena, a fellow classmate and friend to Fufu-chan stands up.

    Sileena: “I’ll take her to the nurse’s office, teacher.”

    Sileena leaves her seat and walks over to Fufu-chan and helps her up.

     Fufu chan is shaking while being led out of class.

    Scene Five::

              Nurse's Office::

               Fufu chan is laying down on a bed in the nurse’s office.

                Sileena is sitting down beside her.

               Sileena: "Are you feeling better now, Fufu-chan?"

                Fufu-chan: "I think so…”

                Sileena smiles at Fufu chan.

    Sileena: “I hope you are.”

    Fufu-chan looks at Sileena.

    Fufu-chan: “You should return to class. Really… I’m okay now.”

    Sileena nods.

    Sileena:”I will, once you’re resting.”

    Fufu-chan gives a nod and slowly goes to sleep.

    [SIZE=14.6666666666667px][[[/SIZE]Figure out how to give like a eye closing scene thing that darkens the screen  

    before it goes completely black]]

    Scene Six::

    ||Add secret Item in one of the sections of the Map: 3 of 7 Total item shards

                 needed: 7||

    Slowly the blackness changes to a succubus laying down on a wooden slab, chained to

                it.  

    Lilith: “Wha…”

    Lilith: “Uggh… why does my head hurt!”

    Lilith pulls on the chains.

    Lilith: “What the HELL?!”

    Lilith:”WHY AM I TIED UP!!”

    Lilith is seen charging a spell and a blast of energy is released, leaving smoldering

               cinders where the slab was.

    [SIZE=14.6666666666667px][[Going to need some animation stuff and etc. for the above]][/SIZE]

    Lilith:”When I find the one that tied me up here…”

                      [SIZE=14.6666666666667px]   [[Lilith is clenching her fists with such a sound being made.]][/SIZE]

    Lilith shakes her head.

    Lilith:”First… I need to leave this room.”

    [SIZE=14.6666666666667px][[side Note:: Arrange this room the same as the nurse's office]][/SIZE]

    Just before Lilith is about to leave, a guard, which is a woman clad in silver armor walks  

               into the room.

    Female Guard: “Get back down on your platform!”

    Succubus: “Screw you, whelp of a dog!”

    ((Battle Begins between Succubus and Guard))

      

    [SIZE=14.6666666666667px][[if battle is lost, go to Game Over Screen]][/SIZE]

    The woman lays beaten on the ground.

    Female Guard: “Please…. stop… you… don’t know what you are doing…”

    Succubus then claws the woman repeatedly, until blood spews from her body and she’s

    nothing but a bloody mess on the floor.

    [SIZE=14.6666666666667px][[Ensure to have clawing noises and other necessary sounds playing for this scene.]][/SIZE]

    [SIZE=14.6666666666667px][[P.S. Have this dungeon arranged the same way as the school.]][/SIZE]

    As the succubus is wondering around, guards stationed all around will see her and  

    engage her also have a number of guards in each room also engage her, with the

     rooms being close to the same as the school but instead… more like a prison/torture

     room(s).

    [SIZE=14.6666666666667px][[Also have Dark Magic Spell book hidden. Come up for a name for it too. Required for[/SIZE]

    getting past Boss at Exit.]]

    Succubus, Lilith, goes towards the exit.

    [SIZE=14.6666666666667px][[can only do so if book is in inventory, with skill learned]][/SIZE]

    [SIZE=14.6666666666667px][[if not have the book…]][/SIZE]

    Lilith stops before she gets too close to the Angelic looking person.

    Lilith:”I can’t face her yet. I need a more powerful spell. I think I can find what I need

    somewhere around here… Just a feeling.”

    [SIZE=14.6666666666667px][[if have the Book]][/SIZE]

    Angelic like boss looks at Lillith.

    Angelic Boss: “I will not let you pass, Lilith! You shall remain here in

                           your prison!’

    Lilith: “Like hell I will, but… I’ve always wondered what angel meat tasted like~”

    Angelic boss shakes the place strongly with holy power and boss battle ensues.

    [SIZE=14.6666666666667px][Game Over if Battle is Lost][/SIZE]

    Lilith: “Time to dig into some fresh Angel Meat~”

    Lilith approaches body and noming sounds can be heard as she feasts, and

               everything blacks out slowly as she eats.

    [SIZE=14.6666666666667px][[Have flesh tearing sounds play first before munching sounds.]][/SIZE]

    Scene Seven::

    Fufu-chan wakes up panting in the bed.

    [SIZE=14.6666666666667px][[Play sounds for this.]][/SIZE]

    Fufu-chan then looks around looking for her friend, to only see that she is gone.

    Fufu-chan: “What… is it that I smell in the air…? I’m scared… something… doesn’t feel

                       right…”

    Fufu-chan leaves bed and goes out to the front of the office, only to find the nurse dead

               near the door.

    Fufu-chan: “What… no… she’s… bloody… and dead…”

    [SIZE=14.6666666666667px][[Play panting sounds again.]][/SIZE]

    Fufu chan quickly goes around the nurse's body and out the door.

    Fufu-chan looks around.

    All around her are hallways stained with blood.

    Fufu-chan stares with shock and fear.

    Fufu-chan: I need to… call the police… that’s right… the faculty office… maybe…

                       someone is still alive?!”

    [SIZE=14.6666666666667px][[Give Free Roaming]][/SIZE]

    [SIZE=14.6666666666667px][[When player tries to leave hallway with the nurse’s office and faculty office.]][/SIZE]

    Fufu-chan:”I can’t leave yet. I need to go to the faculty office.”

    [SIZE=14.6666666666667px][[When Player Attempts to enter Faculty office]][/SIZE]

    Fufu-chan: “The… door, it’s locked… but why?”

    Fufu-chan then tries to knock on it.

      [SIZE=14.6666666666667px] [[Play Knocking sounds for a sturdy wood door.]][/SIZE]

    Fufu-chan:”Anyone in there… someone…?”

    Fufu-chan waits for a few moments and hears nothing.

    Before Fufu-chan can continue a thunderous shake and unearthly screeching is heard

               around her.

    Fufu-chan:”What.. was that?”

    [SIZE=14.6666666666667px][[Try to find the sounds that could help portray this.]][/SIZE]
    And one more spoiler.

    Spoiler
     Sileena is not real. She is actually the conscious part of Fufu-chan's mind, being made to be seen as 'real' by Fufu-chan. I'm trying to make this game feel as if nothing is at it seems until the story begins to near the ending.
    I apologize if it isn't.. all that well organized and for a lot of... my notes in it, but I felt it was necessary to leave my notes in it. Also I specifically color coded it to help me find my notes and re-read it later with ease. If you have any thoughts that could help this story continue or improve some parts, please let me know. I also apologize if this post is kind of chaotic. As I've mentioned... I've got a lot of ideas going through my mind, but I still cannot 'see' where I want to take the story from here.  
  13. L.W. Flouisa
    #533 Source
    I was wondering, due to various factors my stories have changed over the years, making me unsure of how easy it would be to currently adapt my stories into RPG Maker VX games.

    I've found that my stories tend to follow specific patterns and themes. It follows an inverse of the hero's journey that is specifically tailored for short fiction.

    Would a series of games that follow similar plot patterns general annoy gamers, or would that be something people would like out of a sense of familiarity?

    I'm going to try to write some new stories tonight, and see where I go with it.
  14. sabao
    #534 Source
    Eh, why not? So long as you put in enough changes between stories so each game doesn't come off the same I think you'll be okay.
  15. Valkyriet
    #535 Source
    I believe individual gamers have their own likes and dislikes. Most of the time, you might find that it's difficult to please a majority. Even then, some gamers might be fickle. A genre they like today might be boring for them two months later. It's something that varies and is difficult to keep a track of.

    If you're starting out with non-commercial games, I think you can experiment as much as you like with your stories, as long you keep it short and simple. If you decide to work on a sequel for one or more of these, you can expand on your existing ideas; this essentially divides your work and is less stressful, I think.

    Back on point, I think slight variations between different plots might allow you to please a wider group of gamers. A few personal favorite story aspects of mine include strong female leads, psychological issues, as well as mystery or crime thrillers. I do like occasional fantasy themed and light-hearted games as well, but not typical rescue-adventure based games. Plots that feature a singular strong antagonist are also a tad off-putting.

    Most of the time, when you're not getting any new ideas for a story, I'd recommend taking a break and going out-of-doors to refresh yourself. Often, some time alone can put interesting ideas in your mind. Hope that makes sense, haha.
  16. L.W. Flouisa
    #536 Source
    So I'd need something that would break out of the general 'children's story' mold for my narratives. I know I generally work with themes surrounding sibling rivalry, ghosts in the cottage, and the nature of reality/dreaming.

    I'll see what I can come up with then. Thanks.

    Yea I don't generally work with concrete antagonists generally. Come to think of it I think them not solid at all.^^
  17. Kes
    #537 Source
    General discussion is precisely for general topics, i.e. topics applicable across games by different developers.  There is a different thread specifically for discussing this sort of plot development.

    I've moved this thread to Plot and Character feedback. Please be sure to post your threads in the correct forum next time. Thank you.
  18. Valkyriet
    #538 Source
    @L.W. Flouisa

    You don't necessarily need to work with something abstract or mature if it makes you feel uncomfortable. It might reduce your confidence and interest in the project somewhere down the line. Even a children's story might attract attention, as long as there is a good plot backing it.

    For more abstract concept like the nature of dreaming versus reality, you should try to avoid cliches; a well-known one being waking up from one reality to find it was a dream all along. Alternate ideas might be daydreaming, interconnected dreams, comas and so on.

    Speaking of ghosts, I think I'd like to see a game based purely in a Spirit Realm. You can have parallel realms for other species of undead as well, or put them all together in one realm. Your protagonist can be a poltergeist with dissociative identity disorder, out on a mission to solve the recent population influx. Spirits have been blocked/unable to move on (to Heaven/Hell or a similar idea of a place) and he needs to find out why so that he can finally kick out the banshee that has usurped his apartment. His first stop is Ghoul Parliament, which runs on the notion of Elective Tyranny (votes can occur yearly, quarterly or monthly).
  19. Marquise*
    #539 Source
    ksjp17 said:
    General discussion is precisely for general topics, i.e. topics applicable across games by different developers.  There is a different thread specifically for discussing this sort of plot development.


    I've moved this thread to Plot and Character feedback. Please be sure to post your threads in the correct forum next time. Thank you.
    o_O after 500+ replies and 25 pages? You found it? It's kinda surprising for me always feeling that I am stomping on eggs each times I want to start a thread!
  20. Kes
    #540 Source
    @Marquise*

    When threads are merged, posts appear in strict date/time order.  My post has got separated from the one I was responding to and moving, because several posts had been made in this thread before I replied, so I admit it looks a bit odd.