Plot and Character Feedback

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Started by Lunarea 1231 posts Page 26 of 62 View original ↗
  1. Braydon
    #501 Source
    RampartCratylus said:
    A main theme is the invisible diremption between Progress and Tradition. I say 'invisible diremption' because both terms are actually only relativized according to the present in which we have an attention span that 'notices' the change. The issue of progress and tradition only becomes viable once change takes place fast enough for us to become aware of it. 

    This being said, my game's world reflects this in many ways.

    - The main villain is the oldest living human being (tradition/old) but simultaneously possesses a dream of eternal progression towards an infinite horizon (progress).

    - The government of Arzine is at an ideological chokehold. Their former commander in chief believed in a dream of united nations- solidarity. His vision is now challenged by traditionalists who represent the 'present age'. Irony intended.

    - A villain associated with tradition believes that tradition is not mindlessly following the rules of the past, but consists in adaptability. Hates 'progress' as he sees it as regressive.

    - Again, Arzine is in the cusp of industrial revolution. The people of old have not had the time to adapt to new rules, transformations, and mongrelizations. This applies to culture, politics, economics etc.

    - Veljok the Stable, one of the central powers, does not change at all- they have no conception of tradition or progress. Plays an important role in the story.

    - PHOL, a multicultural/racial union of necessity sports internal tension owing to the rates of progress each member of the union has. Ironically united against Arzine in their limitless progress.

    - The main protagonist himself is an intersection of tradition and progress through his parentage, but thereby does not feel attached to either camp.

    - And much more!

    The dialectic between tradition and progress resolves in 'The Timeless'. Just what is it, and where do we find it? Will it bring us bliss or pain? Both? Is it an uplifted version of 'the present moment'?

    Two conspiracy groups each represent a different prong with regards to The Timeless. 

    1. One wishes for eternal war in order to dispense with time itself- we will be in an infinite struggle. If we can vanquish a war of this nature, we will have evolved as a species.

    2. The other believes an eternal war will cause to slink back into an abyss. These want to stymie war in order to research possible ways to improve the essential human condition out of the boom/bust of civilizations.

    These themes require much more actual 'plotting out' to make sense. I need to develop the world's specifics a lot more. Thinking of incorporating a lot of political drama which will run up against the inexorable influence of the conspiracy groups. 
    Honestly you need to remove some of these, not everyone should have a huge preference to either side. Hardly anyone rejects tradition or progress as a matter of principal, you don't want to make everyone so extreme they're either Amish or a mad scientist. In general most people tend to reject individual ideas or behaviors for being against tradition of progress, not going against progress or tradition in all forms.

    Hardly anyone believes in progress for the sake of progress, but rather for what can be gained from it, or in the mad scientists case twisted fascination. Same goes for tradition, no one believes that tradition is right simply by virtue of being tradition, though it isn't uncommon for people to believe their tradition is right without rationalizing why. It's also often for it to be rationalized that traditional practices are traditional because they are right, actually this is probably more common, in the same way people often believe whatever is common is justified they believe that tradition exists because it is the right way to behave.

    Your main villain seems a bit weird, you said he's old representing tradition and dreams of progress, is he simply perceived as being more traditional do to his age or does he behave in a more traditional way? Either way if you want a conflict of interest between the two you should have it so he leans toward one on a conscience philosophical level and is drawn to the other for emotional reasons. For instance he could dream of progress and all the good things it brings but end up reverting to traditional behavior out of fear or inability to adapt.

    The villain who believes tradition should be adapted, I honestly think that ideology should belong to one of the good guys.

    Your conspiracy theory groups should lean to one or the other as a means to an end, you didn't quite make their goals clear.

    Also try and post in a more cohesive way, try to focus on a particular faction or point in the story rather than a theme, it makes it very hard to follow as you're only getting a small part of a faction in any post.

    Tortured Healer said:
    Hello, I have a character issue and I just need advice as to how to portray him.

    There is a knight in the main party, and he is sort of rough around the edges and can be hotheaded, but he is also loyal and kind. I would like to know a few things, all feedback is welcome.

    He sometimes has conflict with a cleric in the main party. They don't quite see eye to eye. The knight has kind of a code based on justice and overall goodness, whereas the Cleric has a code based on natural order and goodness. For example, say the party were to find out the identity of a local werewolf, and all efforts to find a cure had been unsuccessful. The knight would want to find some type of resolve for this. It would eat him up. He would never kill this man in his human form, because he is innocent in his eyes. However, he must find a solution. The cleric would suggest killing the werewolf. He is a cleric, and he has a code to uphold all that is good, but his priority is to both preserve natural life and cleanse the world of unnatural threats. (Zombies, vampires, werewolves, etc). In this situation, these characters would clash hard. 

    How can I portray this knight in a way that balances his goodness and his hotheadedness in any situation?

    How can I portray their strong rivalry, while also convincing the player that, when things get serious, these allies trust each other? Any ideas?
    Can you be more specific to their personalities? From what you said you could be describing any of a billion people, trillions of possibilities. in general though the knight should be expressed more in actions than words if he's a hothead, ei. sabotaging the cleric's attempt to slay the werewolf.
  2. Njalm2
    #502 Source
    For some reason, I can't seem to get the whole quoting bit to work. At any rate, this post is in response to Tortured Healer.
     
    Right, I think the main issue with this is that your characters are too alike. They're both generic good people, albeit with different views on ethics, a strong rivalry needs to be something more than a difference of opinion, beyond simply working on their ideology it should also reflect on them personally, there should be a personal reason why they tend not to see eye to eye beyond this. The primary question I have in regards to this, is this, can lycanthropy be cured at all in your world? If it can't the actions of the knight are much more naïve than they are hotheaded per se, he believes in innate goodness and kindness, even to the extent that he'd let a very real threat remain at large; free to oppose all of the things he claims to protect. For the Knight, this could easily turn into a very big moral dilemma where you could go in any number of directions.
     
    As someone before me has already pointed out, it's possible for his hotheaded nature to reflect in how he's willing to draw blade and actively defend the werewolf from the cleric. This could lead to a character establishing boss fight, where the player gets the choice to play against either one of them versus the other. This would introduce added drama and simultaneously allow for massive personal development for both of them, but also allow the player to directly influence the outcome of that plot point. They'd likely appreciate that.
     
    Another option is to demonstrate how they grind against one another, and simultaneously establish the Knight's hotheaded personality by having him, rather than fighting the Cleric, grab the werewolf and try to find a cure on his own (whether it exists or otherwise). Temporarily causing him to leave the party.
     
    Now onto them fighting side by side, and have no compunctions doing so, that's all well and good, and the most basic answer I can give you in this regard is that they'd do so because they're both good people fighting for what I assume to be a common cause, most of the time anyway. But you should definitely have their rivalry a significant factor between them, they might have each others backs, but they might do so with a certain level of reluctance.
  3. Mushinronja
    #503 Source
    Thinking about putting a synopsis-type thing for part 1 of 9 of my current game project here, or if instead of that putting other ideas for future projects. Dunno
  4. Mushinronja
    #504 Source
    Decided to put down the idea for one of my other games, with the tentative title of Aether Chronicles: Stillness & Fate

    Spoiler
    The game starts with a prophecy, detailing how in this kingdom, the King has always been chosen by the birth of a unique child who at a certain age their hair turns pitch-white. This person is known as the Child of Fate, and upon the reveal, they will become the next King to keep the Kingdom in power. This has been working for centuries.
    The main character of the game, Dias Lombardo, will not be the Child of Fate. It is his half-brother, Alexus Lombardo, who has been transformed in to the Child of Fate. They are both sons of Duke Lombardo, one of the few people who directly serve the King.

    Dias has grown to hate his life, always living under the shadow of his perfect brother. That Alexus became the Child of Fate only further increased his hatred. Along with that, for a relatively long time now, any time Dias has had to make a big decision he suffers from intense headaches.

    One day, after one of these headaches, Dias came to the decision that he will assassinate his father, the Duke, to attain a position of power (Alexus will become King so is ineligible to becoming the Duke). As a studied alchemist and mage (his dislike of most people leading to staying indoors and practicing darker arts), he decides on a certain concoction to kill the Duke in the stealthiest way possible.

    Proceeding with his plan, one night Dias meets his father late at night, and offers him a drink, while having a conversation. Something seems off with the Duke, but Dias doesn't pay it much mind. That is, until the Duke takes a drink of Dias' poison, and seems to nearly explode from the inside out with magic darkness. The Duke seems to go mad, and attacks Dias. After a loud and noticeable fight, the guards and Alexus burst into the room and apprehend Dias. The Duke is hurt, but the magic swirling around him disperses and crashes into some curtains in the room. The curtains blow open and a person is shown hiding behind them, the new mage advisor to the Duke.

    The advisor curses at Dias, and asks how he knew that he was planning on controlling the mind of the Duke with magic, and how Dias knew the exact alchemical formula that would break the magic spell. The Duke tells the guards to throw the advisor into the dungeons, and releases Dias. The Duke then dies, but not before giving Dias the title of Duke. Alexus is distraught at the death of his Father, and recognizes the poison created by Dias. Alexus doesn't believe that Dias meant to save their father at all, but Dias denies any claims of attempted murder and leaves the room.

    Some time after being named Duke, Dias and Alexus are called to the royal capitol for the bi-yearly meeting of the Kingdom's Royalty. 2 Dukes aside from Dias will be there, along with the King. Alexus goes on ahead, not wishing to speak with Dias too much. Dias is accompanied by a few prevalent guards (other non-fleshed out characters), some that were friends with Dias before, or follow him because he is the Duke.

    Reaching the capitol, Alexus learns that he will become king once he reaches 30 years of age, as prophecy dictates. Until then he is to travel the land and become a hero in the eyes of the people. Dias is to wait in the city for a few days until the royal meeting. Not too long after arriving at the city, however, an assassin attacks Dias while he is in his room. Dias is saved by one of his guards, and after a small headache tells his ninja teammate to "Take care" of one of the other dukes, who he believes sent the assassin to him.

    The ninja accepts the task, but believing Dias to be a good person, takes the orders literally. The Duke he is meant to "Take care of" is attacked by the same assassin who tried to kill Dias, but the ninja saves him. Now that Duke is indebted to Dias and offers him his full support (which Dias later is confused by but rolls with).

    On the day of the royal meeting, Dias (with a previous headache) orders the ninja to secretly put a chemical into the King's drink during the meeting. The ninja thinks it is an antidote to counter the possible assassination attempt of that previous assassin, but it's actually poison. Alexus, however, overhears this order, and believes that he must stop Dias. The meeting starts, and the King talks about the state of affairs and how the battles on the northern lines are progressing (other groups keep trying to invade the kingdom, tho the prophecy works, and the kingdom is always safe).

    During the meeting, Dias' ninja hides above the room in the rafters, and is about to move to drop the thing in the King's drink when he notices the other assassin from before actually dripping poison into the King's drink. Dias notices this and thinks his ninja did the job. The Ninja confronts the assassin, thinking that Dias wanted to save the King's life. The fight on the rafters, and crash down onto the table where the meeting is taking place. Dias and his ninjabro apprehend the assassin, who then rats out the 3rd Duke as the one who was trying to assassinate the others. Then, Alexus and a group of guards burst in and grab Dias and his ninjabro, thinking that they were trying to kill the King. However, the King stops Alexus and thanks Dias for saving him. Dias rolls with it.

    Soon, the King dies, having drank the poison from the assassin. The 3rd Duke was executed, and despite not being able to save his life, the King promotes Dias to the title for being the most capable Duke of the 3. Alexus opposes this, but the King dismisses his slander. Alexus will become King as per the prophecy, but until then, Dias will hold the title.

    - now the story gets less detailed -

    Dias, now King, gives Alexus the option of joining him or not. Alexus declines, knowing that his brother is evil and is responsible for the deaths of their father and the King. Dias then lables Alexus a criminal, and sentences him to be imprisoned until the time he will become King as per the prophecy. Alexus escapes Dias' grasp, but Dias doesn't care too much.

    Later, Dias visits the most protected place in the Kingdom, known as the Altar of Fate. A great artifact is held there, and it is said to be the thing that keeps the Kingdom's prophecy and wealth working. With a small headache and a smile, Dias destroys the artifact, and ends the prophecy.

    - now to skim -

    From this point on, the gist of the story is about how Dias breaks all the rules of the prophecy and declares all out war on the northern lands. He has a certain goal in mind, and must reach the farthest Kingdom away from his to reach it.

    Alexus lost the "Child of Fate" status as the Altar of Fate was destroyed. Now a criminal, but still actually a good person trying to do the right thing, he fights Dias every step of the way.

    Dias is evil, basically, and the headaches are getting more and more common. He attempts to conquer the other Kingdoms with horrible, evil tactics, but they end up always helping the common people more than hurting them, and the people grow to love him as their King. Like all his previous attempts at being evil, he just rolls with it.

    Eventually, much later on in the story it is learned that Altar that Dias destroyed and the power keeping the prophecy true wasn't the god of Fate, but instead the god of Stillness. Stillness kept the Kingdom in place for centuries, and the true god of Fate was what caused the headaches in Dias and pushes him into doing things that would most benefit his push to the northern lands.

    The god of Fate isn't benevolent though, and only wanted to use Dias as a vessel for reaching its own Altar, where it could restore its full power. The god of Fate at full power would be able to manipulate the entire world to its own design. Dias and company must stop the god of Fate, and to do that, must reach the true Altar of Fate to draw it out.

    Yeah.... enjoy...
  5. Dark Horseman
    #505 Source
    What's a good alternative to an "Eye of Sauron" to visually represent a suppressed, evil entity?

    article-1365354-014CF2D100001005-626_306x304.jpg

    Pretty much a powerful being that lost its body but still has influence on others. Giant eyeball is pretty cool but overdone now; looking for a good concept to draw.
  6. JaiCrimson
    #506 Source
    Mushinronja said:
    Decided to put down the idea for one of my other games, with the tentative title of Aether Chronicles: Stillness & Fate

    Spoiler
    The game starts with a prophecy, detailing how in this kingdom, the King has always been chosen by the birth of a unique child who at a certain age their hair turns pitch-white. This person is known as the Child of Fate, and upon the reveal, they will become the next King to keep the Kingdom in power. This has been working for centuries.

    The main character of the game, Dias Lombardo, will not be the Child of Fate. It is his half-brother, Alexus Lombardo, who has been transformed in to the Child of Fate. They are both sons of Duke Lombardo, one of the few people who directly serve the King.

    Dias has grown to hate his life, always living under the shadow of his perfect brother. That Alexus became the Child of Fate only further increased his hatred. Along with that, for a relatively long time now, any time Dias has had to make a big decision he suffers from intense headaches.

    One day, after one of these headaches, Dias came to the decision that he will assassinate his father, the Duke, to attain a position of power (Alexus will become King so is ineligible to becoming the Duke). As a studied alchemist and mage (his dislike of most people leading to staying indoors and practicing darker arts), he decides on a certain concoction to kill the Duke in the stealthiest way possible.

    Proceeding with his plan, one night Dias meets his father late at night, and offers him a drink, while having a conversation. Something seems off with the Duke, but Dias doesn't pay it much mind. That is, until the Duke takes a drink of Dias' poison, and seems to nearly explode from the inside out with magic darkness. The Duke seems to go mad, and attacks Dias. After a loud and noticeable fight, the guards and Alexus burst into the room and apprehend Dias. The Duke is hurt, but the magic swirling around him disperses and crashes into some curtains in the room. The curtains blow open and a person is shown hiding behind them, the new mage advisor to the Duke.

    The advisor curses at Dias, and asks how he knew that he was planning on controlling the mind of the Duke with magic, and how Dias knew the exact alchemical formula that would break the magic spell. The Duke tells the guards to throw the advisor into the dungeons, and releases Dias. The Duke then dies, but not before giving Dias the title of Duke. Alexus is distraught at the death of his Father, and recognizes the poison created by Dias. Alexus doesn't believe that Dias meant to save their father at all, but Dias denies any claims of attempted murder and leaves the room.

    Some time after being named Duke, Dias and Alexus are called to the royal capitol for the bi-yearly meeting of the Kingdom's Royalty. 2 Dukes aside from Dias will be there, along with the King. Alexus goes on ahead, not wishing to speak with Dias too much. Dias is accompanied by a few prevalent guards (other non-fleshed out characters), some that were friends with Dias before, or follow him because he is the Duke.

    Reaching the capitol, Alexus learns that he will become king once he reaches 30 years of age, as prophecy dictates. Until then he is to travel the land and become a hero in the eyes of the people. Dias is to wait in the city for a few days until the royal meeting. Not too long after arriving at the city, however, an assassin attacks Dias while he is in his room. Dias is saved by one of his guards, and after a small headache tells his ninja teammate to "Take care" of one of the other dukes, who he believes sent the assassin to him.

    The ninja accepts the task, but believing Dias to be a good person, takes the orders literally. The Duke he is meant to "Take care of" is attacked by the same assassin who tried to kill Dias, but the ninja saves him. Now that Duke is indebted to Dias and offers him his full support (which Dias later is confused by but rolls with).

    On the day of the royal meeting, Dias (with a previous headache) orders the ninja to secretly put a chemical into the King's drink during the meeting. The ninja thinks it is an antidote to counter the possible assassination attempt of that previous assassin, but it's actually poison. Alexus, however, overhears this order, and believes that he must stop Dias. The meeting starts, and the King talks about the state of affairs and how the battles on the northern lines are progressing (other groups keep trying to invade the kingdom, tho the prophecy works, and the kingdom is always safe).

    During the meeting, Dias' ninja hides above the room in the rafters, and is about to move to drop the thing in the King's drink when he notices the other assassin from before actually dripping poison into the King's drink. Dias notices this and thinks his ninja did the job. The Ninja confronts the assassin, thinking that Dias wanted to save the King's life. The fight on the rafters, and crash down onto the table where the meeting is taking place. Dias and his ninjabro apprehend the assassin, who then rats out the 3rd Duke as the one who was trying to assassinate the others. Then, Alexus and a group of guards burst in and grab Dias and his ninjabro, thinking that they were trying to kill the King. However, the King stops Alexus and thanks Dias for saving him. Dias rolls with it.

    Soon, the King dies, having drank the poison from the assassin. The 3rd Duke was executed, and despite not being able to save his life, the King promotes Dias to the title for being the most capable Duke of the 3. Alexus opposes this, but the King dismisses his slander. Alexus will become King as per the prophecy, but until then, Dias will hold the title.

    - now the story gets less detailed -

    Dias, now King, gives Alexus the option of joining him or not. Alexus declines, knowing that his brother is evil and is responsible for the deaths of their father and the King. Dias then lables Alexus a criminal, and sentences him to be imprisoned until the time he will become King as per the prophecy. Alexus escapes Dias' grasp, but Dias doesn't care too much.

    Later, Dias visits the most protected place in the Kingdom, known as the Altar of Fate. A great artifact is held there, and it is said to be the thing that keeps the Kingdom's prophecy and wealth working. With a small headache and a smile, Dias destroys the artifact, and ends the prophecy.

    - now to skim -

    From this point on, the gist of the story is about how Dias breaks all the rules of the prophecy and declares all out war on the northern lands. He has a certain goal in mind, and must reach the farthest Kingdom away from his to reach it.

    Alexus lost the "Child of Fate" status as the Altar of Fate was destroyed. Now a criminal, but still actually a good person trying to do the right thing, he fights Dias every step of the way.

    Dias is evil, basically, and the headaches are getting more and more common. He attempts to conquer the other Kingdoms with horrible, evil tactics, but they end up always helping the common people more than hurting them, and the people grow to love him as their King. Like all his previous attempts at being evil, he just rolls with it.

    Eventually, much later on in the story it is learned that Altar that Dias destroyed and the power keeping the prophecy true wasn't the god of Fate, but instead the god of Stillness. Stillness kept the Kingdom in place for centuries, and the true god of Fate was what caused the headaches in Dias and pushes him into doing things that would most benefit his push to the northern lands.

    The god of Fate isn't benevolent though, and only wanted to use Dias as a vessel for reaching its own Altar, where it could restore its full power. The god of Fate at full power would be able to manipulate the entire world to its own design. Dias and company must stop the god of Fate, and to do that, must reach the true Altar of Fate to draw it out.
    Spoiler
    Yeah.... enjoy...
    I personally thought this was awesome to read. I am a huge fan of the 'evil accidentally does good' archetype because it's just so awesome =D.

    -So the first thing that stuck out to me was the ninja team mate sort of came out of no where, but I'm assuming you only included what was relevant to the plot at hand and that in game the ninja will have more explanation.

    -How many people actually know about the prophecy again? If it's a well known prophecy then destroying the Altar of Fate(Stillness) shouldn't just eliminate it. For example, if you go to get your future read and the person uses a crystal ball... you can't just destroy the crystal ball and make what was seen go away. You said Alexus had already transformed which means he has the white hair, right? And if the prophecy thing has been working for centuries on end then I doubt that people would just give up on it because the thing that held the prophecies record was destroyed. You also said Dias accidentally becomes a really good king to his people but even so, especially in the past, people are incredibly superstitious. Good king or not if they know Alexus is the "chosen one" then I can't really see them just letting Dias do whatever he wants like that.

    -Why is it bad for Fate to dictate the world to it's own divine design? I thought that was kind of the point of Fate. Is it just bad to the inhabitants of the world itself, so they must try to fight Fate in order to preserve themselves? Wouldn't Stillness be part of Fate's design as well?

    Other than that I love the story and I would love to see how this develops. I hope I helped!

    EDIT: ONE MORE THING, As much as I love this story so far just be careful not to make your video game NOT a video game. Don't make it too linear/story controlled because at that point you might be better off making a visual novel or writing a book (which I would read either of those with this story.)
  7. JaiCrimson
    #507 Source
    Dark Horseman said:
    What's a good alternative to an "Eye of Sauron" to visually represent a suppressed, evil entity?



    Pretty much a powerful being that lost its body but still has influence on others. Giant eyeball is pretty cool but overdone now; looking for a good concept to draw.
    There are some tropes that basically go over this kind of thing. Maybe reading about them will give you an idea! http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/HeWhoMustNotBeSeen

    edit: the Ultimate Evil trope listed in that link might be what you are looking for! Also maybe check out The Man Behind The Curtain trope
  8. Mushinronja
    #508 Source
    @Jai thanks for the read

    - Yea, the ninja would be a character earlier on, but as you suspected I only wrote about the kinda major progression cutscenes and the relevant characters for the scene. The ninja friend is one of many characters who think Dias is a really nice guy, even though he's trying to do evil actions.

    - Everybody knows about the Prophecy, but they don't know about how it actually works. In the "Aether Chronicles" universe, there used to be gods living quite prominently on the earth until humanity took over a while back. Most of the gods at that point either were destroyed, simply went into hiding, or went in to a hibernation-like crystalline state. I didn't mention it in the write-up there really, but the Altar of Fate is the actual god of Stillness who's actively making the prophecy work (its power has kept this kingdom in power, never to weaken or grow). Dias (though moreso the God of Fate inside him) wanted to destroy Stillness. Dias out of his grudge against the prophecy and its followers (a sub story about his mother a part of that), and the God of Fate because its keeping it from manipulating the world to its whims. Alexus is chosen as the Child of Fate and is slated to become the king and hero of the kingdom etc, but most people don't know that yet. You're right that it wouldn't be so simple to destroy something like the God of Stillness, but that's where gameplay comes in.

    - When humans learned magic and went against the gods way back in the day, some of the gods were split on opinions. Some wanted to keep the humans down, others wanted to help them, and a few just ignored the whole thing. Stillness was against it, not wanting to change the status quo and all, but was eventually defeated, went into the hibernation state, and when it was found by humans again it just went back to work keeping things the same in the new world. Fate was against it because it already had the world the way it wanted, but its not all-powerful and humans defeated it too. Unlike Stillness who got lost (somehow, whatever), Fate was sealed up an extra layer in the hibernation state. Fate is kinda pissed off and wants to control the world again. (The gods are basically super-powerful mages focused on a single power and made entirely out of Aether, rather than all-knowing omniscient beings)

    - And yea, the gameplay would be inbetween and interspersed throughout the scenes written there. And once again thanks for the read.
  9. RampartCratylus
    #509 Source
    Going to attempt something of a more concrete post as corrective for my previous post. 

    ___

    My game's story is meant to feature a layered approach to the impact of a country's history.

    About 30-50 years ago (I will establish this later) a large scale war was waged between two parties. On the one hand, you had the 'Western' nation of Arzine. Composed of several aristocratic city states and one central republic, they constituted the central 'power' of the world. Their opponent was the multi-ethnic, multi-cultural 'country' PHOL (an acronym never officially accepted, but assigned to it by Arzine). Originally a war over the rightful ownership of natural resources, it quickly devolved into a brutal power struggle for 'supremacy' over the other. PHOL was united by a common hatred for Arzine. Arzine, who had only recently come into its own national identity, flexed its newborn nationalism. 

    On either side of the war were two commanding officers who totally rewrote the books on how to conduct war in the 'new era'. 

    Rainer (formerly Bergas) - The commander of the Arzinian combined front. He succeeded the previous general after his life was cut short in battle, and not only changed the tide of battle, but transformed domestic policy and sentiment back home. Humorous, engaging, and humane, he epitomized all that is good in the Arzinian man. But even his aptitude and even love for war was dwarfed by his overwhelming desire to see the world 'change'.

    Elome - The generalissimo of the PHOLian force. An elf, he came from the much reviled Offeliovel line of elves, who were outcasts among their insular brethren. A gifted but bitter man at the time, Elome concluded that if he could not change his own people's opinion of his 'line' then he'd show all of PHOL and even Arzine their excellence. 

    So, these two generals waged war against each other in battle after battle. The war raged on for 5 years. Necessity bred technological growth and increased infrastructure in Arzine. In PHOL, the once fragmented and disunited cultures stood their ground even against this- revealing Elome's capacity to ring them all together. But Elome's efforts were not enough, and by the end, Rainer cornered the remnants of Elome's personal Battalion onto an island, where terms of surrender were offered. The two isolated themselves from even their closest confidantes and aides as they discussed these terms. Surely it shouldn't take this long to decide on terms...?

    What occurred at this surrender left people across the world wondering- for when the two men came back with one another, they stood together as if both had come out triumphant. Nobody among those present could ever forget the words that emanated from Rainer, from the stony pulpit overlooking the beach on the island.

    "I may have claimed victory, but We have claimed the future!"

    As if by some act of unknown power, the two had struck up a friendship in the brief time they had discussed. From that day forward, a complete and utter reversal of the expected outcome ensued. Rainer, with his popularity back home practically forced the Arzinian republican senate to give PHOL as lenient terms as possible. Elome, arriving back home with the news of good terms, was received back as hero by everybody in PHOL- save for the other elven families. A period of trade, advancement, and exchange of ideas occurred betwixt the two parties. 

    Though, some, perhaps even correctly, noted that this was too convenient. What did they discuss at that meeting? What did they realize, seemingly independent of all other people? What had Rainer communicated to Elome, and vice-versa?

    ____________

    30-50 years later, and the consequences of this partnership have revealed themselves both in the good, and in the bad. The march of the 'new morality' that Rainer seemed to espouse so lead to the weakening of the nationalism that had partially lead them to war. Secular morality more or less replaced the rigor and dedication of the conservative Church body, Prodell, leading to a decline in faith. Cosmopolitanism, now increasingly possible, created decadence. The seeds of internal disunity were practically assured, at least in Arzine. 

    Cue one of the protagonists. Ellis Frieg is a student at the Arzinian Academic Association- and one of the best within his department. Hailing from a very unexceptional farmland background, he was found by an Arzinian 'talent crew', an organization set up by 'Do-good' Rainerian policy makers. Bringing them into their fold, his growth was more or less pre-programmed. Every context in his life had been handed to him, even if the work he had done within those contexts was entirely his own. Simply stated, Ellis could not tolerate the atmosphere of 'education' itself. For what one learns is invariably colored in by how and where one learns these truths. The Rainerian spirit was partially betrayed by those who would organize according to it. With a 'game plan', society helped many, but also stifled some. Ellis just happened to be the kind of person who was stifled by the Brave New World. 

    So when the game starts, he is a drop-out- having dropped out for what everybody at the time saw as the stupidest and most backward reason. Yes, he left to fight. If Rainer and the entirety of Arzine had found his reason to pursue so ambiguous a term as 'progress' then he concluded that he would at least find more in the crucible of conflict. So Ellis left, leaving behind friend and what one could even call family. He would write his own bildungsroman- his own philosophy. 

    The cause in question was the war against the Novo Templar Occidentalis, a religious extremist group (think ISIS) who sought to oppose the now degraded and dying Church. Now, Ellis had no sympathy for religion per se,but wondered at the gusto with which the Templar (hereby abbreviated as NTO) could continue to live. Another unintended result of Rainer's legacy? At any rate, he decided to aid the local militia in the west against the growing tide of the Templar. Although the Arzinian government would eventually have to step in at this rate, the militia were holding the line rather effectively. Ellis, who ostensibly would have made a terrible soldier was, let's not forget, came from a yeoman society. He had lived off the land. He would help the militia's camp clean up, defend, and conduct recon against the NTO.

    The game begins when a recon operation goes horribly sour. This is where I need to work a lot at pacing, plotting, etc.
  10. Marquise*
    #510 Source
    Ouf... saw first page and thought it was a very abandoned old tread :3 Happy when I'll get to it I won't reopen a can of spam ;)
  11. SaintInix
    #511 Source
    Hey folks, new to the site, and the RM program itself.

     I started out with a huge game world in my first project, and it took like 18 hours to do just the world map.

    So I took Andar's advice and scrapped that project for now, since it's my masterpiece...

    I've moved onto smaller projects, one of which I'm trying to iron out the details for now.

    Here's the Intro:

    ' It's brutal, visceral reality. In. Your. Face. Toil for the benefit of your corporate masters under harrowing conditions,

    lose your fingers, or lose your mind? '

    Work explores the hazard of living in a 'civilized' debt based model of slavery. Balance sleep with pointless activities to maintain your sanity. Work really, super hard, and get an honorary promotion. Without pay, of course, and more responsibilities. You're a team player, right? Good, go get 'em champ!

    - Three 'S' System (Sanity, Stamina and Stress)

    - Hunger/Thirst system

    - No Combat, just work hazards, sanity/suicide levels

    - Bills! Try to make ends meet with your salary after taxes

    - Work days are skippable, but Hardcore players can manually perform the mindless tasks for a bonus!

    I have plans to add time sinks, like TV, Internet, shops, activities, etc.

    I realize it's similar to Unemployment Quest in some ways, but this game is going far beyond it.

    A 'Work' sim, with morbid/dark elements and a glance at how reality is for some people in this new world.

    Any feedback is greatly appreciated, or if this is just like some other game, please let me know.
  12. RampartCratylus
    #512 Source
    SaintInix said:
    Hey folks, new to the site, and the RM program itself.

     I started out with a huge game world in my first project, and it took like 18 hours to do just the world map.

    So I took Andar's advice and scrapped that project for now, since it's my masterpiece...

    I've moved onto smaller projects, one of which I'm trying to iron out the details for now.

    Here's the Intro:

    ' It's brutal, visceral reality. In. Your. Face. Toil for the benefit of your corporate masters under harrowing conditions,

    lose your fingers, or lose your mind? '

    Work explores the hazard of living in a 'civilized' debt based model of slavery. Balance sleep with pointless activities to maintain your sanity. Work really, super hard, and get an honorary promotion. Without pay, of course, and more responsibilities. You're a team player, right? Good, go get 'em champ!

    - Three 'S' System (Sanity, Stamina and Stress)

    - Hunger/Thirst system

    - No Combat, just work hazards, sanity/suicide levels

    - Bills! Try to make ends meet with your salary after taxes

    - Work days are skippable, but Hardcore players can manually perform the mindless tasks for a bonus!

    I have plans to add time sinks, like TV, Internet, shops, activities, etc.

    I realize it's similar to Unemployment Quest in some ways, but this game is going far beyond it.

    A 'Work' sim, with morbid/dark elements and a glance at how reality is for some people in this new world.

    Any feedback is greatly appreciated, or if this is just like some other game, please let me know.
    I like the concept, but maybe you could execute a perfect double-take by allowing for upward mobility if one completes some perhaps 'unsavoury' jobs. When you're on top, the game becomes 'too easy', thus bringing the experience full circle in some way. I dunno, just my two cents.
  13. SaintInix
    #513 Source
    Thanks for the reply, and suggestion.

    I was actually working on something like that, something I was going to borrow from Stick RPG, the ability to change jobs.

    As long as your stats meet the requirements, you can take a new job.

    The jobs will work on a class system, with 'Food Worker' starting out as a Fry Cook and moving up through promotions.

    I'm running into a snag with the 'No Combat' idea though.

    Thinking about changing it, and having combat, but all the enemies you fight will be tasks at the job your performing. Like Paperwork, or a big food order or fighting 'bugs' in a program or system as a 'Technician'.
  14. RampartCratylus
    #514 Source
    SaintInix said:
    Thanks for the reply, and suggestion.

    I was actually working on something like that, something I was going to borrow from Stick RPG, the ability to change jobs.

    As long as your stats meet the requirements, you can take a new job.

    The jobs will work on a class system, with 'Food Worker' starting out as a Fry Cook and moving up through promotions.

    I'm running into a snag with the 'No Combat' idea though.

    Thinking about changing it, and having combat, but all the enemies you fight will be tasks at the job your performing. Like Paperwork, or a big food order or fighting 'bugs' in a program or system as a 'Technician'.
    You can be snarky about combat. For example, you can have the game perpetually reinforce the idea that 'VIOLENCE = BAD' but then have this combat within each job. Almost as if the dude needs to escape the monotony by imagining that he's flogging something. 

    Then maybe you can get the job of making those 'VIOLENCE=BAD' signs. Just a thought.
  15. Devon
    #515 Source
    Okay... Hello folks, I'm searching for feedback on my (probably generic) plot for my game!

    Description: Genre:Until now is a mix of adventure and RPG, kind of zelda.

                          Atmosphere:A world in middle of a war, destroyed places and other thing of this kind.

                          Spoilers:Almost none here, but I'll mark them anyway.

    Inspirations:TLoZelda, (a bit of)Final fantasy.

    now let me tell you the...

    History:Asgaroth was a peacefull land until the start of a war between humans and demons (or dark forces), Many years before an equal war had happened and ended on the human side because of

    the power of the five elemental gods.

    Now many years after the first war another will happen and this time the only persons that can save Asgaroth are the successors of the gods, But they are separated from each other and need to find a way to get together and fight the Demon King.

    They will need to pass by all the five countries of Asgaroth to get themselves together, Searching in dungeons, towns, temples and everywhere else.

    After Spoiler*. Then... Who knows what will happen...

    Spoiler:

    *Going through The temples of each god they will get their real power to kill the Demon King.

    **None of the heroes will die!

    Conclusion:Not the best plot ever but was the best I could think of :) !

    Hope You liked it!
  16. SaintInix
    #516 Source
    Well, is it going to be a real-time combat system?

    Or the standard region-based randomized encounter setup?

    If it is real-time, and more like the Zelda style combat, then pay close attention to your puzzles.

    Always loved the puzzles in that game.

    Other than that, it sounds fine. Pretty much every story has been told already, 90% of us are just rehashing things anyway.

    Work on, clever clues, tough puzzles, and distinct and memorable dungeons(Don't just make water a mirror of fire.) That's my best advice.
  17. Devon
    #517 Source
    SaintInix said:
    Well, is it going to be a real-time combat system?

    Or the standard region-based randomized encounter setup?

    If it is real-time, and more like the Zelda style combat, then pay close attention to your puzzles.

    Always loved the puzzles in that game.

    Other than that, it sounds fine. Pretty much every story has been told already, 90% of us are just rehashing things anyway.

    Work on, clever clues, tough puzzles, and distinct and memorable dungeons(Don't just make water a mirror of fire.) That's my best advice.
    Almost like that, I have some problems with the real time battle so probably i will add that in the real game(Because now i am working on a prequel) i still have much to learn :)
  18. SaintInix
    #518 Source
    Good Luck,

    RPG Maker is a powerful program, does have a learning curve to it though.
  19. FlipJaxx
    #519 Source
    Hey folks!

    Just popping my head in for a brief moment, I'm a complete newbie to the "Game development" community, but feel like I have a fun project on my hands :D

    My project title - Dry, Hot & Violent

    Plot description:

    "Jakob Hansen", a mountain man from Scandinavia, is fed up with the hard times he has fallen upon, and decides to Emigrate from Scandinavia to the US during the 1800's.

    When he arrives in the Wild West (on the east coast), he will start his new life, and have the possibility to choose between quite a few different classes (Sheriff, Farmer, Trapper, Miner, Gambler, Cowboy etc.).

    He will have the opportunity to buy plots of land, grow crops, tend to farm animals, mine precious ores, hunt for game, fend off bandits, interact with natives, and ofcourse gamble his hard earned cash away(Have allready setup an event based "Dice" game).

    I'm a huge Western fan, but I've never found a western themed game that cater to my wants and needs completely, so therefore I've started on my little story about Jakob Hansen and his journey to the west.

    Thus far the progress has been OK, but I would love some tips on how to "Attack" this project, for instance, is my workflow and priorities ok?

    Plot -> Map creation -> Character creation -> Event creation -> Quests 

    This is how I imagine to work on this project, seeing as it's easier to create events and quests around an existing environment, rather than customizing an environment around events and quests

    I'm using the Rural Farm Tiles set, Western Tiles set, Germania tileset, and also some other resources I've bought on steam,

    Some customization will probably be needed for some sprites and tiles, but this is something I'll have to dive into a bit later (time consuming as hell).

    What do you think about this project? Does it seem worthwhile? Do you have any suggestions?
  20. Devon
    #520 Source
    Sounds like something i would play!

    I love western, wildwest themes and your ideas are totally great!

    And yes, always start with the plot, bad things are happening because I made the rest before the plot!

    So, good luck!