Plot and Character Feedback

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  1. SpellBlade: The Dark Queen

     

    GENRE: Historical-high fantasy

    ATMOSPHERE: Pythonesque humor mixed with dramatic overtones.

     

    The year is 1492. Eight hundred years ago, a great Migration occurred from our world to another world filled with old and powerful Magics. Among these were the creators of this world, the Five Divines; the God of Order (Tehp,) the God of Chaos (Jhal,) the Goddess of Justice (Faae,) the Goddess of Darkness (Mora,) and the Goddess of Equilibrium (Siel.) The Migration sent many people from the British Isles and Arabia to this world, where within the next hundred years had established great kingdoms, which have thrived ever since.

     

    Despite the relative peace these kingdoms see, there are still many problems. A long time ago, the Three Goddesses (Siel, Mora and Faae) forged three blades; Almace, Durandal and Cortana. They each represent one of three attributes (Balance, Hatred and Mercy, respectively.) Every generation, each Goddess chose a Champion to represent their specific virtue and wield their divine sword. These "Spellblades," as they are called, help to maintain the eternal Equilibrium.

     

    But now, the goddess Mora plans to escape into the mortal plane, which would cause the destruction of the world. In order to seal her away for good, our stalwart heroine Amelia Whittaker must gather the three Divine Swords and use them as a sealing agent. But it can never be that simple, can it?

     

    My actual inspiration for this came from a picture I saw on BuzzFeed;



     

    as well as a few concepts from the Fable franchise. I wanted to explore historical themes while having my own self-contained world to meddle with. Most people in this world are either Christian or Muslim (the Five Divines insisted that the humans continue to worship their gods and not to worship the Divines) and British or Arabian. The game takes place in the village of Craterside, near Mt. Elohim in the parish of St. Ravenna. The village has religious signifigance, as it was said that Mt. Elohim is the gateway from Earth, and that Craterside is the burial side of the first King of New Britannia; King Lucien I. That won't be important until the endgame, but I thought it was worth mentioning.

     

    I plan for this to be the first of three episodes within the SpellBlade universe, with the second taking place in the impoverished city of Tannesport (capital of the Kingdom) and the third taking place in the frozen citadel of Mooncastle.

     

    What do you all think of this? Good? Bad? Just plain weird?
  2. This sounds pretty cool, Icarus! I like that you've made room for humor in the game, and that you're drawing from history. If I had suggestion, it would be that you keep the origins of the magic world under wraps until at least the mid game. Then have various clues come together, and the player has a "WHAAAAAAT?" Moment when they realize these folks came from our Earth. I personally love reveals like that.

    I'm kinda surprised Excalibur wasn't one of the magic swords, and am kinda pleased you went with some more obscure mythical weapons.

    I'd like to hear more about the characters, and some examples of the humor.
  3. @Captainproton

    Actually, their coming from Earth is a huge part of their recorded history. I'm fairly certain that if an entire populace suffered drastic magical effects, they wouldn't forget it for at least a few hundred years. Plus, there is a gap between the British migration and the Arabian one, and (though it plays no role in the overall story) there was a recent Norse migration.

    As for the swords, I'm of Danish ancestry (I'm literally 50% Danish exactly) and Cortana is a pretty big part of the mythology of Denmark. It's said that Holger Danske (Ogier the Dane, wielder of Cortana [Kurtana, Kurtain, Curtana, Kurt, or sometimes Bob]) is the guardian of Denmark, and that if it's in trouble, he will rise up from his statue and protect the nation with all his might. That actually does play into the overarching plot, but that won't be touched on until much later.

    I didn't want Excalibur to be in there (the three swords were originally Excalibur, Harpe (the sword used to slay Medusa) and Cortana) because Excalibur gives you the right to rule England, and the game takes place in a successor of England, so I didn't want that connection. I just decided on using the three swords forged by Weyland and given to King Charlemagne instead.

    Also, Cortana still exists as the blade used to crown British monarchs. That's important.

    Finally, as for magic, I haven't quite figured out how it works yet. Those entwined with the Divines get to use it, yes, but I don't know where it comes from, how to use it or for that matter how one becomes entwined with the Divines.
  4. You could assign magic in any number of ways. Maybe they're members of particular bloodlines. Maybe they're chosen by the divines because of quality X. Maybe they play host to divine spirits. Maybe this new world exudes some sort of subtle radiation which occasionally results in some sort of genetic mutation, allowing them access to divine power. Or, you could leave it vague and say, "some got it, some don't."

    That makes sense about Excalibur not being among the trio.

    And I didn't mean to hide the fact of the migration from the player. No, I just thought it would be cool if the histories would say things like "we came to this world from another, leaving our home behind to seek a place where..." yadda yadda yadda. And the player just thinks "okay, they went from fantasy world A to fantasy world B." But then, bit by bit, they put things together, and are like "these characters actually came from EARTH! (Ermagurd!)"
  5. True, but because of the name of the kingdoms (New Britannia and New Caledonia) people might assume that this is an Ultima fangame. I could name them something different, but I really like these names.

    As for magic, I'm thinking that those with Divine destinies are simply chosen by some higher power that goes above even the Divines. Sorta like the DM to the god Ao. (NWN for the win!)
  6. You could try some of the older names for regions, like Albion or Antigone.
  7. On swearing:

    In an R rated game, I think it's acceptable.  But, it's important to treat the swearing like punctuation ---- overuse makes it have much less of an impact.  

    For more creativity (it does give a world a different feel), and non-R rated games, I prefer the idea of replacing swear words with other simple ones (Wheel of Time uses "Light!" and "Burn me!", I think Battlestar Galactica uses "Frack").  The Discworld novel "Interesting Times" ran with this joke, with "civilized swear words."  So you had hardened barbarians saying "Fu---"  "The list!  Use the list!"  *rustling of paper*  "(some phrase)"  

    Personally, I like the latter idea, because it does convey a unique world sense.  I've got no problem adding swears in a modern context, and technically a PG-13 movie is allowed to have ONE swear.  Clever movies make that one swear really hit home, like the immortal one use in Gone with the Wind, when NO swears could be on film:

    Rhett Buttler to Scarlet:  "Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn."

    After confirming that was the only swear and, yes, it was in the source material, the studio let that one swear stand.  And it gives that one concluding line of the film the maximum impact.
  8. @captainproton

    Well, I'm REALLY trying my hardest to make sure I don't do any sort of plagarism. If I say I'm inspired by Fable, and then name my kingdom Albion... well... yeah. Also, I checked, Antigone isn't a name for Britannia or Caledonia, as far as I know. Where'd you get that name? Still, I've been thinking it over. Hiding the fact that they came from Earth does sound pretty interesting. I could set a fourth sequel in the real world, maybe following along with Christopher Columbus to head towards the New World... 

    @whitesphere

    I don't swear a whole lot in my writing unless said swears are part of standard vernacular (Bloody hell, this crap sucks!) or I'm really angry (that something-something really something and he can go something my something!) but I love playing with swearing, especially in a G-rated thing (for instance, Jafar's parrot Iago; "What the h-, I mean... SQUAWK!) That example from Discworld actually sounds really funny and I might try something like that. For instance, a man with both bipolar disorder and a magic censor. 

    "Wait... You destroyed my statue? Why, you door cake! I mean... you DOOR CAKE. Ahem. You're D--O-O-R C-A-K-E. Oh, God door it!"
  9. Aw, hell, I missed the deadline for the Sci-Fi Pitch contest.  Dang.  May as well post the idea I had for feedback.

    Restore From Backup

    “Someone is trying to kill you.  We know this because they succeeded.  Welcome back, Sentinel.  

    “We had to restore your memories from backup.  You lost two weeks - shot with a full auto burst with an assault blaster.  All your meat got irradiated.  All your chrome got fried.  And whoever killed you took the black box from your brain.  I've heard it's a nasty way to go, even if you wake up after with an upgraded Form and a spike in your death insurance premiums; I guess this instance of memory loss is a feature, not a bug.

    “The good news is that you must have been on to something big if someone would risk killing a Sentinel.  Bad luck for you in particular, but good news for us.

    “Sentinel.  Your new mission is to return to Ceres station and investigate your own death.  We will be transmitting your personality as a data stream; take any currently available Form from storage on Ceres.  We will also be providing you with blueprints for necessary equipment and access codes for a military quality 3-D printer.

    “Whoever killed you didn't count on a restore from backup.  Let's show them what it means to threaten the Transhuman Protectorate, Sentinel.  Catch whoever is responsible for the android slave ring on Ceres and expunge their glitched personality from the face of the solar system.”

    Now, that's meant to be more evocative than informative; I didn't post the gameplay stuff.  Still, it's also supposed to explain the set-up and some aspects of the storyline, main character, theme and mood, so - what do you think of it on those grounds?
  10. That's such an interesting premise, it makes want to find out more anout these characters and world. Not to mention that when I read 3d printer the words crafting system lit up on my head. If you're considering wheter to make a game out of this, my opinion is that you should definitely do it.
  11. @IcarusBen

    LOL!   I LOVE the Magic Censor idea.  And, yeah, Discworld, in "Interesting Times" takes that entire joke and runs with it.  At one point, it's reversed like this:

    One of the barbarians says:  "You're a...*rustling of paper*...chowderhead" (or whatever)

    Teach (who wrote the list) says: "Oh my!"

    @BlissAuthority

    That sounds like a very interesting premise.  You certainly neatly justify the amnesia --- death will do that, and as Nirwanda said, it basically demands a crafting system.  So you would find that, maybe to print a Phase Rifle you need 3 grams of Tungsten, since the printer has the rest of the resources.  Venka has a great crafting script you can use.

    Right now, I'm trying my very first character driven RPG.  The main character was a Knight (sort of a Templar-like organization) until, in their Crusade for the Goddess, they started raping and murdering villagers for no reason.  The MC stood up to them, cue unwinnable fight, then he's removed from the Knights, stripped and thrown onto the road to die, as the Knights laugh and leave down the road.

    As he starts to fade into oblivion, he hears a feminine voice saying "So...you believe.  Stop them."

    MC wakes up and is now a Level 1 Paladin --- abilities that are SUPPOSED to be common with the Knights, but he's the only one he knows of who actually genuinely believed what he was taught --- AND had the courage to make his actions match his convictions.

    Too bad he STILL has no equipment, even a sword, and is on the road outside a small house.

    A young man, studying in the house sees the MC and carries him inside.  It turns out the young man is a Sage (they can't ALL be old men --- he's just starting his studies) who, after helping the MC recover, gives him some basic equipment and offers to go with him.  The Sage wants to expand his knowledge by reading books in other villages and, maybe, the capital (they do NOT learn spells automatically).

    Along the way they find a woman who was an Assassin, and another woman who is a talented Bard, who join the party for their own reasons.  The reason the Paladin is OK with the Assassin is that his particular faith does NOT entail control over other's actions, only his own (so he may sit out some battles, if, say the Assassin is going out for revenge...)

    How is that for an opening?
  12. This premise is about a story I am currently working on. This particular story will be told in "books" and when the game for it is made it will also be in books. My plan is to have 5 books, keep in mind these will be pretty short, though.
     
    Premise - The Timeless Hero (This is a working title it just kinda fit so I thre it on there, it may or may not stay the same)
     
    Over the years the fabric of time has been weakening. Mages of the past, and present, are completely baffled by this. Not only do they not understand why this is happening, they can’t fix it. While their leaders get together and figure out how they can open rifts to different timelines and fix the problem, they are looking for a hero. No, not just any hero, a hero that can go through time un-touched. No one has ever been found that can do this. At least, until now. This particular hero is immune to time. He does not age, not in the sense normal humans understand. His name is Odin, tall, strong, and capable of almost anything. The mages finally found their saving grace, but is it too late? After hours of discussion and explaining, Odin finally agreed to help the mages. He would then train, travel, gathering things for the mages for years. In these years he began to be strong enough to travel through the rifts and take on what lay beyond. The leaders began opening a portal for Odin using things he had brought them before and Odin walked through, never to be heard from again, at least not in this timeline.
  13. Ermm... I hope this doesn't come out too harshly, but at first, I just didn't like your story at all.

    After some thought, I realized that a story about a Goddess' champions misinterpreting her teachings actually had a lot of potential. The one thing I didn't like and turned negative my perception of the whole plot was the basic premise: we're suposed to believe the hero has known these people for however many years it took him to obtain his knighthood and he didn't realize that each and every one of them was a crazed murderous rapist? :distrust:

    Here I go MAD with storytelling and make up my own version of yours. My original idea was to write a few pointers, but I was having so much fun that I couldn't stop myself... actually, that's a figure of speech, I could have continued writing, but I think I've made a fool of myself enough as is. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to hijack your history, I just thought of an alternate scenario that was more satisfying to my storytelling sensibilities. You can take as little or as much as you want from it.

    Spoiler
    All his life the hero was able to hear the Goddess' voice (at least he hopes it's Hers and he's not actually delusional - this could be a plot point). Obviously he's pretty excited when through Her guidance, he is accepted as a page. During his page years he discovers that he can perform feats akin to those of the knights of legend (such as healing by lay on hands), something that he only confides to his two best friends (one of them could be a love interest asumming female knights or homosexuality are a thing in your story), time passes (some Harry Potter-esque hijinks ensues in his training years..)and they all get knighted.
    Their first mission as a batallion of mostly new knights: cut one  of the (religious) enemy nation's supply lines. They all think they're going to hijack a convoy, but instead, when they get there, they find out that they're supposed to burn a village of farmers and kill all of them. Some knights accept doing it blinded by faith, by loyalty, others by bloodlust. A group of them, including the hero and his friends rebel against their orders, and a fight ensues, but outnumbered and outskilled (most of the senior knights are okay with the plan), they fall.
    For this special battle, the hero might be able to use most of his special skills, though eventually, by mere skill or trickery ( if you want to make a more "classical" evil villain) he is taken down by one kinght (this one would be our nemesis). A very interesting twist would be that when the hero is surrounded and his defeat is imminent, he would surrender, making him a more morally complex character. (It could also be a plot point, this would haunt him for a long time, so, when faced with a similar hopelesss situation latter on, he decides to fight back)
    Back in the city, he's branded a heretic (another possible plot point-the heretic brand somehow seals his special powers, and he has to find a way to restore them), stripped of his rank and sent into exile. But that's all for show, for the general populace, the truth is that they're planning on killing him to keep his mouth shut. Luckily, he's saved by an organization that plans to use the information he knows to expose the government (could be an anti-religious one or one that has realized that the government and/or church has long been manipulating the Goddess teachings for their personal gain). Most knights fear the hero's power (not knowing they've been sealed), so the knight who defeated him is sent after them.
    Plot twist!One of the hero's friends survived and is searching for a way to be accepted back in the order, so he/she relentlessly chases you. Bonus points for big dramatical redemption scene.

    I know, this backstory could be a game on its own. Well, yeah, that's one way to do it(episodical and all). Another way would be to start the story in media res. With him being branded as a heretic, and we discover more about how he got to that point through dialogue and flashbacks as the game progresses.
    Seriously: Sorry for this, I don't know what I was thinking. But it would feel wrong to just erase it :(
    I don't know why people don't visit this thread more often: it's really fun. :D
    EDIT: I for got to mention that I also liked the party interaction mechanics you mentioned...

    (Edited again for some annoying typos...I'm terrible with a keyboard)
  14. Interesting concept.  I also enjoy time-related tales because unlike most stories, you have a lot more freedom to go to different time periods and expand on a number of different worlds rather than just one, so there is that.  I'd personally suggest looking at your premise now and deciding what has possibly been overdone or overused by games, books, etc.  The more unique and different your 'books' will be, the better they'll stand out.

    For example, the name Odin is extremely overused, for good reason!  It's the name of a god, it's been seen as an ageless force in a number of games and stories, and well, there's a good reason as to why this particular name would come to you first as the name of the protagonist-  because you know and recognize what that name symbolizes.  But!  Is such a name necessary to the plot, or can we expand and introduce something new?  Are we to relate this character to the god he's named after?  If so, then keep it as it is.  But if he just so happens to be able to go through time untouched, then that leaves opportunity for change.

    Just what I notice and suggest right off the bat!  
  15. bluebird said:
    Interesting concept.  I also enjoy time-related tales because unlike most stories, you have a lot more freedom to go to different time periods and expand on a number of different worlds rather than just one, so there is that.  I'd personally suggest looking at your premise now and deciding what has possibly been overdone or overused by games, books, etc.  The more unique and different your 'books' will be, the better they'll stand out.

    For example, the name Odin is extremely overused, for good reason!  It's the name of a god, it's been seen as an ageless force in a number of games and stories, and well, there's a good reason as to why this particular name would come to you first as the name of the protagonist-  because you know and recognize what that name symbolizes.  But!  Is such a name necessary to the plot, or can we expand and introduce something new?  Are we to relate this character to the god he's named after?  If so, then keep it as it is.  But if he just so happens to be able to go through time untouched, then that leaves opportunity for change.

    Just what I notice and suggest right off the bat!  
    Odin is more of a place holder then anything else. It wa just what popped into my head at the time. So it will change most likely.
  16. Combined with the Plot and Character Feedback thread.
  17. Sharm said:
    Combined with the Plot and Character Feedback thread.
    Haha, I thought I was going mad! I thought I lost my marbles there for a minute. Yeah I saw this topic after I had posted it, but still didn't really know if it went here. Mainly because this is not in game development yet.
  18. I may have been mistaken in merging them, but it didn't seem to quite fit in the AL&M section either, since that one is kind of an off topic place. I though you might get more attention and useful feedback here.
  19. So I know that my game has been in development for quite some time, but I thought I could release my backbone story that my game is built around and see if people find it promising. Most of my game is surrounded around this specific plot but there's a lot of addition to the main story that the backbone of the story doesn't include. Anyway here goes:

    Title: Violent Whispers.

    Genre: Fantasy, slice of psychological.

    Atmosphere: Mostly dark that touches upon betrayal, struggles, and the urge to belong. But also includes a mix of humor and themes like: The value of friendship, trust and love and the courage to turn your back against everything you ever known, for the greater good. 

    Kind of a long read ahead, but I hope you can make it through.

    Please note that much of this will be explained during the course of the game, so it contains small spoilers.

    Spoiler
    Backstory:(The birth of Serena: Pre-Crisis - The Frist Crisis.)


    The first planet was created from the void, a phenomenon with extreme energies and with the ability to grant life and death to all living things.
    The event is written down as 'The prophecy' and is explained in the Legends of Serena (The birth of Serena).

    With a new planet, the first civilization of Serena had a huge struggle to adapt in the new world. Most of the energies of the world were abnormal and unstable, which led to people falling ill or dying. The vital-system was also in a very early stage, which meant that the people of the world had a minimal ability to gain knowledge. The stage of the vital-system caused people to be very fragile, and their physical appearances were very different in comparison to today's civilizations.

    However as time went on, the people of Serena managed to adapt in the world. Cities began to rise, leaders were chosen to rule and the vital system evolved. The people of the world could interact with new energies and use their abilities to interact with the world in many different ways. This evolution was the beginning of what would change everything; having nations go to war, leaders seeking ultimate power and ultimately to the final destruction of the world.

    With the new adaption, people managed to find a way to connect to the void itself (through void magic), and by this they were presented with extreme powers and alien energies. But the aquired powers wouldn't come without sacrifices, and the worlds balance began to crack. With new technology, and strong magical influences the ancient civilization struggled to maintain the balance of the world, but without success.
    More and more people started to seek knowledge in the void magic, and soon the flow began to cause consequences for the world. Wildlife started to absorb the spilled energies, which led them to become even more furious and vicious than before, evolving them to what the people of Serena would call: 'Beasts, or monsters'. New species started to appear on the surface, and the climate of the world started to change drastically. Some people got obsessed with the powers that were presented to them. Leaders across the globe started to infiltrate one another, and instead of seeking a soloution to the world's problems (The increased number of beasts, and the climate-change), people started to kill each other off in order to get their hands on the magical resource.

    Anarchy spread throughout the land, and the leaders of the world murdered, and tortured the people of Serena, with the message and belief that they did it for a greater cause. Since they had absolute power in their nations, and had a large income of void magic, most of the lords and kings were in a state of 'abnormal frenzy' caused by overusing the energies of the void aura (Meaning that most of them went insane, and suffered from an extremely violent behaviour).

    The battles went on for several hundred years, until a nation of brave women and men decided to establish a resistance. With a large impact, the army managed to recruit a following (Mostly from the religion of Serenivictus that looked upon the battles as a sin against the void, a disgrace for overusing the void resource, and for taking an advantage of the maker.) The resistance managed to make a stand against the armies of void users, even though the battles ended up with extreme casualties. Several prison zones were established in order to imprison the void-abusing individuals. One of these prisons were located in one of the wonders of the worlds (Now Forest of Pluvia), but most of these prisons were lost after the first crisis.

    During the imprisonment, the resistance managed to slow down the effects of the abuse, and a small glimpse of hope had return to the world. But the consequences were much more severe than people had previously thought, and the world was sick. The same energy that had brought life to the world, was now slowly eating it up.

    But that wasn't the only problem. Several prisons were raided, and the prisoners released. As an act of revenge the prisoners started to spellbind the prison areas, desecrating the holy grounds and weaken the flow of energies that was previously flowing there. The world was an the brink of destruction, and the climate started to become hazardous. Soon after, the world gave up and the event written down as 'the big eruption' started to take effect. All the energies of the world started to merge together, and soon the overflow was too big. The overused magical resources led to natural disasters that struck the land with an intense force, leaving everything in Its path in complete destruction. The First Crisis was soon a fact,
    and at the brink of extinction the void despereately spared a handful of individuals and sealed them away inside Its own presence. A dying world was all that was left, and the era of the First Crisis had come to an end.


    Main story:(The world is reborn - After-Crisis).
    The era of Serena has come to an end, and the Serenian population has been wiped out. The only fragment of a once strong and wealthy race is now trapped inside the void itself. In order to exist in the harsh enviorment, the void changes their vital-systems and the outcome forms a new race of humans, with divine powers and a new appearance (angel-like appearance). Their whole vital-system is completely made of void magic, which in turn grants them a semi-immortality, or in other words immunity to grow old and die from age.

    As a last effort, the Void banished the alien magic from the surface of Serena, before going into a long slumber. The severe abuse of the void magic left the maker with a huge decrease in power, even more so with the seal of the last Serenians and the banishment of the void magic. The sacrifices were an act of something even more divine than the void itself, since the desperate acts that it went through were even out of the rules of existance. As the void went into slumber it left the legacy and the ruling to the Serenian civilization, granting them powers as overseers. Reflecting on their previous lives, and the shame of their sins, most of the Serenian civilization put themselves into exile, never to return as an energy source for the void. The rest of the civilization used their powers to establish new life to the world, and to restore the world to its previous state. It was the least they could do in order to regain balance to the universe, and to grant the human civilization a second chance.
    With the help of the Serenians, the world slowly started to regenerate, and the balance of the universe had return to normal. But the world would never be the same. The scars that was left from the first crisis, would never fully heal and the consequences of the seal could be seen everywhere across the surface. The desecrations involved in the overuse of the void auras had also left entire areas to be spellbound, and small sources of energy could still be found in the soil. Sources of overflown energy could also cause rifts or portals (which later led to the discovery of teleportation). But there were also times where random rifts could appear out of nowhere, that would take you to unknown locations in the universe. Stable portals as these that had a connection with the void, or the serenians were also banished and hidden away from the rest of the world.
    The population of the world is living in peace, and even though there are differencies among several partys there are no aggression shown towards each other. and with the void aura being banished there are no indication of war among the nations. The biggest threat to man-kind is the rapid increase of monsters (also a consequence dating back to the first crisis). The world is flourishing and the knowledge of the auras are greater than ever before, the academy has recently discovered a new aura through technology that makes it possible to speed up the energy flows of a indiviudal. Resulting in faster learning process, and a stronger connection with the vital-system.

    (The Betrayal- After Crisis)
    Meanwhile the Serenians keeps the balance of the world in order, while the void remains in slumber. But there's one individual of the civilization that can't forget his past, that day when everything he ever held dear crumbled before his feet. A thought that he can't keep out of his mind is the fact that the world he once saw as his home is now occupied by a new civilization which have the privilage of not being able to use the void aura. The same magical resource that left his life in ruins, destroyed everything he ever held dear, and that led him to a never-ending servitude of slavery. The thoughts are driving him into madness, and soon he sets a plan in motion, a plan that will result in the awakening of the void. By manipulating the void, he will bring back chaos to the world and cause a second crisis, leaving the planet in ruins once again. With the help of a child he will establish a connection between the void and Aspicio, enabling him to leave his exile, and transfer into the world. As a final act he will unseal all the energies of Aspicio and create a rift that will make it possible for him to re-create Serena in a dimension where time doesn't exist. A plan is in motion that will serve as a betrayal to the whole Serenian civilization, the wish of the void, and the whole world of Aspicio.
     


     
  20. So I came here to tell you something about my story for a game I'm currently planning. It's going to be very much fantasy based, i'll try to include some horror into it. Please note that all of this is in the progress and all the names and other things are not carved in the stone. I posted this here earlier: http://forums.rpgmakerweb.com/index.php?/topic/34833-sky-scribbles/ but I think here is the right place to put it. So it can be deleted now.
     
    Map of the world: 

    Spoiler
    kartta1_zpsbd86327e.jpg
     
    The story takes us far across the land known as The Freelands. It consists of three larger islands, largest of them only known as Mainland, to the north lies Dragonrest and to the west the White Plains.
     
    Mainland has three cities. The largest city is known as Easthold, a mountain port city Damrain and the smallest of the three cities, Valinnor.
     
    First city in the Freelands was Easthold. At the time the land was empty and was used as a prison for those who broke the law in the civilized (unnamed) lands to the west. Much to their suprise in the west, prisoners succeeded in making other cities and a real economy and trade within the (now known as) Freelands. The biggest crimelords made it all possible together. But tensions between them are about to rise in the later years. People of the Freelands are known as Freelanders.
     
    Easthold is ruled by four different crimelords: Barthos Kosmarir who rules the west part (poor people) of Easthold, Izya Zumric, leader of the eastern district (docks, tradecenter), Dorin Daermyl holds the north part (industrial) and Jarrod Escande the south. (rich people...)
     
    Barthos has the assassins, thieves and thugs in his pocket.
    Without Izya the city would't have busy trade routes.
    Dorin's people makes all the buildings and other important stuff.
    Jarrod controls the city by his power of wealth and usually he has to pay off the other families from killing each other to preserve the balance in the city.
     
    Each of the families hate each other as much as they need each other.
     
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    Valinnor is a city to the south in the edge of the great desert of the dead kings, fighting off the dangers that lurk in there. Valinnor is the only way to get out of the desert to the other parts of mainland. Elsewhere you find only unclimbable steep cliffs.
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    Port Damrain has a firm traderoute with Fortune and they have good relations. Most travellers use this route to go between the two islands. Damrain is beyond dangerous mountains that very few know how to safely travel.

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    In the White Plains is the city called Fortune, a remote place far from the corruption of Easthold. A queen holds the land there and she is loved by all.

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    Dragonrest got it's name from the dragon bones that are scattered to every corner of the continent. Apparently it was a place where many dragons were slain. The island contains only some small villages and an old Goblin Keep. It's mostly wasteland after the Spine of the North.

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    "Shall we get to the story soon?"
     
    Yes yes but allow me to tell you another story first. This is a short one. I promise.
     
    There was a time a thousand years ago which has been mostly forgotten since. We have only preserved some books containing the tale about the evil mad king who once ruled The Freelands. We don't know what this land was called back then but there were many kings who ruled small parts of the islands back then. They had great armies who killed all the dragons in the north and they battled against the mad king and his demon army. The united kings won this evil king, but his power was great and he was never truly slain. His soul lingers somewhere in a tomb in the desert of the dead kings to this day. His tomb was never found. But many of the other kings tombs have been found since but no notion of the evil king. Only some books mention him. We don't know what happened next but after a thousand years all of the people in the Freelands area were gone. Only afterwards the prison was built in the place where Easthold now is.
     
    I know that this story of the mad king is cliché but in the game only his spirit is important. Now to a more recent story.

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    It is important as it tells us of the Hero of Freelands. His name was Howard Haldoran. The time he lived in the Freelands, it was a bustling land with many free people living in it. But there was a danger that threatened people of the Freelands. A horde of goblins had been gathering under a single banner. A sorcerer was found leading the army of goblins. Magic had never been used by goblins. Now they believed this one was a god. The goblins were coming from Dragonrest to the north, armour and weapons made from dragonbone as the island dragonrest is named because of all the dragons slain there. Dragonbone is strong and with goblin poisons, they were a force to be reckoned with. Howard Haldoran devised a plan to stop the goblins. A bridge was built with many risable walls, towers for archers and ballistas. Multiple walls with very well trained troops, Haldoran had only 320 men defending the bridge against an army of 20000 Goblins plus their giant spider pets. Battle of the Haldoran Bridge was long and tiring but Howard Haldoran led the troops to a close victory, the goblins got trough nine of the ten walls and at the last one, Howard himself led the final charge against the last of the goblins and their wolf riders. The goblin horde was finally broken. 288 men was lost that day, each of them named a hero and their graves were placed on a cliff overlooking the bridge so their spirits could forever watch it and make sure that the goblins would never come back. 

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    And then we get to the point where the game starts at last! Many many years later.... Our hero's name is Charles Hunter, he is a long lost heir to Howard Haldoran himself and he is to inherit his manor, but somehow the letter of inheritance is lost for twenty years and the manor has been empty for a hundred years. It has gotten really messy and everything is broken when Hunter finally gets the letter. Some how it was dropped behind a large shelf and was found when the old post office was being renewed... But this accident is why Hunter gets tangled in all sorts of things along the game.
     
    Hunter is an old bitter man, a retired army commander. His bitterness is not helped by the letter being lost for so long. His life was always boring as there never was any notable wars in his time. Now he has come to the Freelands to see if the manor is still intact. Well it isn't. Atleast it needs a lot of work to get it to its former glory. Hunter goes inside to this old house which has presumed to have been empty for a hundred years. He quickly finds that someone has been living here. Not just someone. Many people. And they were here very recently, as it looks like they left in a hurry. Something is left behind. A cube with strange scribbles on the side and its humming softly. Hunter takes the cube and goes to Easthold to see if anyone knows about any of this. The cube is recognized by people at the museum of artifacts. It is in an old picture of a man named George Conroy. Next thing Hunter does is get some people to check the manor for the people who had been living there, trying to find out why they were there. Hunter then goes to question the family of this Conroy fellow.

    Thanks for reading! :)