Plot and Character Feedback

I'd like to share the basic plotline, characters, and energy/magic of my game here. This is my first time sharing information about it...

The game name is Graceless Reminisce, and is on RMVX Ace. It's a sort of slow-paced game and relies on family/marriage/slice of life. Like The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya, or Clannad. Either one of those I think at the top of my head.

Wrote this long ago and copied it right off of notepad, and planning to put it on RMN sometime when the demo of the game is finished. Prepare for long wall of text lol.

Plot

Characters (PLENTY of others, just won't include them all because spoilers lol)

And now for the energy/magic in my game known as Reicreia:

 

Thanks for reading, it'd truly love critism on this or just to tell me what you think about it. Re-read it so that I didn't spoil anything and only basic information. It seems like a very boring/dull game, but when I release the game I'll hope that the ambience and mood will get you interested and keep playing until the end. It's a story-based game that attempts to get you attached to the characters. Don't want it too long, but not too short either.

@Ikari.

I'm not really too sure about the plot because you haven't said much about it. I know one storyline follows a terrible baker and his wife and that the other storyline follows three soldiers who fight for different reasons. Given the limited information, I don't really have an opinion on the plot.

It appears as though you've put some thought into the characters. I don't see many character flaws though. I'm hoping they all have some internal/external strife that will flesh out during the game.

Although you've given some creative (and hard to pronounce) names for your brand of fantastical magic, I don't see how the magic system is set apart from any other brand of fantasy magic. You've said everyone can use it, too much use leads to shorter lifespan, and too much use leads to 'not having to breathe'(?).

I'd like to get some information on what exactly makes your game unique. I've seen a video you've posted about the baker and I've seen some screenies here and there as well. While I think your game has potential, I don't see what sets it apart at the moment.

Sorry for the late reply, but that is what most players will think about the storyline of the game (which I tend to be the most worried about), but I am hoping that the players will give it a try, and hopefully spread it around. I believe that the first 2+ hours or so of the game will not be fit for everyone, or rather, it will be fit for people who are interested in stories of a game rather than getting straight into gameplay and battling enemies in their path. While I do like those type of games. (such as FF7, in no less than 10 minutes or so you engage in your first battle) I lean more upon the games with story side such as the Xenosaga/Xenogear Series.

I may give an option whether to play through the introduction scenes or skip through them. (The introduction scenes are an attempt to get you attached to the characters, in which I'm planning for the gameplay to be 2+ hours. The reason I am doing this is so that when the inner struggles pull in, it will have a much more bigger effect than simply not knowing the characters and going through it and then not feeling anything at all.) I don't mean to flower you with words or anything, but if you are willing to play at least the full demo I am planning to release, then you will not certainly regret it.

The characters are pretty much the most effort and focus I've put into the game. Usually when the story of a game or the story of an anime is good, one most common flaw can be that the characters are bad or many act out of character. Each character within a story needs to be useful and likable, and used to the best of their potential. That's what I believe, at least. But I'm not the perfect character designer, as I still have much more things to work on such as character development and pacing with characters.

Unfortunately, I haven't worked much on the Reicreia system, but you are right, the 'having not to breathe' option is a bit unlogical, and it's no different from that of any other brand of fantasy magic. I'll work on that more and then come back here with it. However, I believe that the entire backstory behind all of this is unique. Again, I'm more of a story/character person than gameplay, but perhaps that does not matter in this situation.

As the developer of my game, what exactly makes my game unique is the plot and characters. I wouldn't say the gameplay is what makes it unique, as my game is more of a story-based game rather than gameplay-based or somewhere along the lines of a 'true RPG'. While I do love making games with great gameplay, over the years story and characters have begun to stick to me, which resulted in me becoming a character/story freak.

Thanks for the critism, once again. And please stay tuned for my game, Graceless Reminisce. I'm planning to put this on RMN with the demo I spoke of above.

So here's what I have for my game Project: Uplift. Very minimalist, and barebones for now due to writer's block.

In 2055, (To make a long story short) World War III ignited on earth between America, Europe, Russia, China, and the Koreas. Earth has been devastated by massive ground battles and the use of chemical, biological, and nuclear weapons.

Unbeknownst to humanity, we were being watched, and have been for 6,000 years. The Tohrolians, a race of telekinetic beings, have taken special interest in humans. But due to the regulations of the galactic organization they started, they are not allowed to intervene is the affairs of a "primitive" species. However, seeing the devastation on Earth and realizing that humans were no longer capable of self-preservation, they ignored their organizations orders and decided to reveal themselves to humanity on August 5, 2089 (known from there as "Revelation Day"). The Tohrolians are a benevolent people, and were very gracious to humans giving them all kinds of aid. The war ended after humans were given an ultimatum: "Surrender your armaments, or you will not take part in the coming ascension." Though few resisted the Tohrolians, humanity was tired of war and accepted their assistance.

Tohrolians are known for becoming very involved in the affairs of others, especially primitives. They have culturally uplifted two other species before humanity - the Urymors and Modrems. They introduce all technology that the Tohrolians have discovered upon the species in hopes of advancing them to the galactic stage. Though the other races of the Galaxy (of which there are 10 including humans and Tohrolians) have seen this as very risky. 

Regardless, humans were given incredible technology that pushed them forward by 300 years - the highest estimate ever. And on May 8, 2115, the governments of Earth, with guidance from the Tohrolians, formed the United Earth Galactic Government (Or U.E.G.G.). Five months later, they joined the Pan-Galactic Coalition (P.G.C.), this was the organization founded by Tohrolians.  Six years later, humans were authorized to build a military again. Over the next 171 years, humans began proving themselves to the galactic community, even stopping wars from time to time. Though their rapid expansion over the Orion Arm of the Galaxy worried many races and gave humans the reputation of being very aggressive and violent.

Though humans accepted Tohrolian aid, there were many humans who believed that they were better than accepting aid from outsiders, especially aliens. This led to the formation of the corrupt Promethean Corporation. These guys give humans a very bad reputation by bringing out the worst aspects of human nature: greed, racism, power, and a need to conquer. In the same time the U.E.G.G. was proving itself, the Prometheans were out to stop them. Often calling them "appeasers" and "anti-human." They have also been known to take terrorist actions against the U.E.G.G. as well as aliens then deny all involvement. (Currently, their leader only has a last name: Church)

Which now leads me to one of the main villians: a Tohrolian named Linus. He is unlike most Tohrolians with his extreme distrust of strangers and a disgust of humans. He sees the U.E.G.G.'s accomplishments as a ploy to gain power, a side effect of human nature. And he believes that the P.G.C. refuses to act because they're being paid off by humans. So Linus takes action into his own hands by creating a mercenary band and openly attacks humans.

Galaxy Aliens: (some don't have descriptions yet. All are Work in Progress)

-Tohrolians: Galactic politicians. 

-Mannrols: Soldiers

-Disuns: Scientists

-Merians: Feudal aliens. Has a caste system.

-Urymors: Heavy weapons, violent

-Biromis: Stealth experts

-Reemiaris: Master starship builders.

-Kanerians: Aquatic race

-Modrems: Insect/crustacean hybrid

-Humans

Now for the main characters aboard the ship ESV Berlin: (Note: almost no backstory for character yet)

Lieutenant Trent Lancaster- American squad leader and main character.

Warrant Officer Sergei Koslov- Russian engineer.

Sergeant John Walsh- British Designated Marksman. Doesn't entirely trust aliens.

Lance Corporal Kgosi Okoro- South African close quarters soldier. 

Corporal Yukiko Nishimura- Japanese ranger (jetpack).

Sergeant Irrorm Sarena- Tohrolian Medic.

Ramirr Braseiro- Urymor heavy weapons expert.

Morei'Zai Ihein- Merian sniper.

Oresa Rhiat- Mannrol soldier.

The crew of the UEGG Cruiser the ESV Berlin start the story searching for a missing UEGG Frigate: the ESV Kiev. They dropped out of contact after chasing a pirate cruiser into uncharted territory. This leads them to the planet that will eventually be called Vexus. Upon arrival, the crew discovers both the Kiev and a crashed Tohrolian cruiser (This is how you meet Irrorm Sarena). The crew is then attacked by giant insect-like creatures that will be called Rivols. (from here on is summarized) They escape, gain some allies, get involved with Linus and the Prometheans, and upon a return trip discover that the Rivols were guarding something. An alien superweapon left behind from a past civilization. Both Linus and the Prometheans want it for their own nefarious purposes. Linus wants to wipe out humanity as he believes it was a mistake to uplift us. And the Prometheans want it to control the aliens and make humans the dominant force in the Galaxy. The UEGG wants to destroy it so Linus and the Prometheans can't get it. The game ends with the defeat of the Rivol queen and the destruction of the weapon. But, the game hints that the ancient civilization may be returning.

So what do you think of it? Very barebones right now, but with a little work (and maybe some help) I can get the full details done. Regardless, I didn't want to continue until someone else hears my work. Mostly because it seems worse in my head than it really is. That always happens to me. Let me know how it is so I can work on it.

Primary Inspirations:

-Mass Effect

-Halo

-District 9

@ikari

I'd give the demo a try fo sho :)

Overall Plot: Not finalized, but I'm leaning towards a a chain of events that take place later on in the LC time line(LC=Legends of the Chosen, and there's way too much to get in that here). Also I'm thinking of having atleast two possible routes/story outcomes(if I go with this part of the LC Time line), possibly 3 

The game's story starts out like this, a Ruin created by the Ancients that was previously unknown of, has been discovered. Gwaelin wished to check it out alone(It's unlike her, but she wants to prove to Zoltor that she can be counted on lol, more like she is trying to prove such to her self, since Zoltor has complete faith in her), Zoltor allows her to go with min escort(at her request), Drago, a Dragonian Guardian. Well evidently the ruins aren't just ruins, they are one of the Ancient Gate Way(s) relics, which this one was forced into ruin by the Ancients themselves to seal off the dimension that such use to lead to(It's also the oldest known Gate Way period, and estimated to be potentially 100s of thousands of years old.

Well while Gwaelin is looking around, she somehow managed to trigger the utterly destroyed Gate Way, which manages to transfer her to that dimension(Note: I'm leaving some details out here,but if I don't, I'll have to go into describing everyone of the spirit protected grade relics created by the Ancients). Zoltor hears of such, finds a way to travel, and does so, even though Drago is completely against such, sine the Ancients have clearly deemed traveling to that dimension, as off limits, not to mention even if you could get their, It's bound to be a one way trip(It's clearly a protected/sealed off dimension, so typically the only way to travel to, and from such, is the use of the Gate Ways).

Shortly after traveling there, Zoltor finds Gwaelin easily defeating demons(lol you thought she was gonna be in trouble huh, nope that's not where the story is going, I fooled you, didn't I), so they reunite, and start exploring this new world, hoping to find a way back home(many things happen on the way, and their journey's objective will be drastically changed once they learn more about this world that they now find themselves stuck in).

Main Char:

Zoltor: Hero of the Alefguard dimension/world, King of the Alefguard Kingdom. He's a member of a special bloodline of heroes, whom's loyalty has never been to any one kingdom, but to the entire world. This changed however when Zoltor fell in love with Gwaelin, the Princess of Alefguard, and later married her(there's much more backstory for him, but this is the backstory relevant to this game's time line. When this game takes place, they have been married for atleast 16 years now). Also he's half Forest Elf, and Half Human.

Gwaelin: Queen of Alefguard, Lady/High Priestess of Aleasia, Guardian of Light(one of the Ancient Guardians). When Gwaelin was only a month old, Aleasia was attacked by Dark Elves(there's even a entire story about the events revolving around the attack on Aleasia, but It's not really relevant to this game or to Gwaelin's background story), Gwaelin's mother(the previous Guardian of Light, and of Aleasia) handed Gwaelin over to her most trusted aid, and friend. She asked her aid/friend to take Gwaelin far away from this place, infact to leave this dimension entirely, where the Dark Elves, and demons of this world can't follow/will never beable to harm her(Note: The elven people, not even a High Elf like the elves of Aleasia, which are the most powerful of them all, lack both the ability, and knowledge to navigate dimensions, so asking this of her aid/friend is effectively asking her to accept a banishment from not only her home, but her world/dimension altogether). The aid/friend, agrees/runs off with the young Gwaelin, without a second thought(getting attacked along the way, but still managing to keep Gwaelin from any harm), and once beyond the gates of Aleasia, she opens, then passes through the dimension rift. The aid hurries off to a city she sees in the distance(while already badly hurt, and being attacked by the weaker monsters of this new world that she now finds her self in), and manages to make it to the side door of the castle, and knock, before dying right on the spot, leaving Gwaelin infront of the door. It just so happens the King was up late that night, taking a evening walk(couldn't sleep for multiple reasons, and there was a strange air blowing that night). The King hearing the knock, opens the door to see who else can possibly be traveling about at this late hour, and finds the dead female Elf(note: the king orders some guards to make a special grave for her in the castle courtyard to honor her sacrifice, a honor that noone else not world reknown heroes or even members of the royalty of Alefguard have ever been given). The King finds a note written by the aid in anticipation of her death, attached to the blanket the young elven child was wrapped in, which reads: "If you are reading this, it means I'm dead. I am her mother's friend, whom fled a Kingdom that was under attack by evil beings, and my only wish is that this child find a good home, and be well taken care of/loved.  The crystal around the child's neck is a gift from her mother, and it saddens her greatly, that this is all she could do for her daughter now(Note: there's much more info about the crystal, but It's not relevant to Gwealin's background story at all, however this is definitely one of the major things that will be explained in the game, as It's a major part tied to her Guardian of Light status, and it sure Isn't just ceremonial).

The King(having had his wife, and unborn child killed by monsters while they were traveling from a neighboring kingdom years ago, plus being deeply moved by the events that have transpired), decides to take Gwaelin in, and raise her as if she was his own daughter(There's much more to her background, including her entire childhood, and leading upto the present).

Drago: Is a Dragonian High Guardian(one of the Ancient Guardian), whom at the age of 5, was sent to a Dragonian Temple to train for a 100 years, to prepare him to fill his role as a High Guardian(note: All Dragonians are guardians by default, and in the simplest terms, are the personal soldiers of the Ancients them selves. but there can only be one High Guardian, more info on that will be given in game. Also unlike Dragons, High Elves, and fairies which where created by the Ancients, the Dragonians however are directly Ascendant from the Ancients). While Drago was away training at the Dragonian Temple(suspiciously enough about the same time the Dragonians were busy fighting hoards of extremely powerful demons, Aleasia was under attack by the Dark Elves. How this many super strong/boss class demons managed to weasel their way into a protected world still remains a mystery. However being that the timing is so suspect, leads many historians, and scholars to believe that the Dark Elves made a deal with the demons, the demons get to crush the Dragonians of Dragonus, which is a major thorn in their sides, while the Dark Elves can do away with the High Elves of Aleasia, and more importantly the Guardian of Light blood line altogether). Drago upon leaving the Temple hears of what has transpired, and is at a loss of what to do now. Both the Dragonian guardian of his word, and even the Gates of Aleasia has been breached(which is impossible, not even the Ancients themselves can force their way in, more on that will probally be mentioned in game), along with the Guardian of Light her self, are no more. While traveling about, trying to figure out what he could possibly do now, he meats Zoltor along the way(plus later on Gwaelin whom looks so much like her mother, and who has the Crystal of Light around her neck), decides the best action for the time being, is to Join Zoltor, and his companions on their journey.

(unnamed char at the moment, she was originally gonna be just a very story driven NPC type char, and despite having a story, she hasn't told me her name yet) : She is a very special breed of Dragonian, most Dragonians ineret their traits from their "Elemental Dragon" counter parts, but she draws her powers strait from the "Holy Dragons" (Note: A reg Dragonians with hundreds of years of training, can learn to harness the power of a Holy dragon, but It's far from easily learned, even with hundreds of years of training, very few Dragonians succeed in mastering such. With her however, It's an innate trait of hers). Now during the hight of the Great War over ten thousand years ago, 8 special relics known as the Archives where created by the Ancients as a last attempt to definitively win the war against the demos. Now to keep them safe until the timing is right to deploy them, it is said that the Ancients sent 8 Ancient ranked dragons each to a different dimension, to guard the archives, laying in wait until the time was right to put them to use. Well evidently the Ancients only sent 7 dragons, the guardian of the 8th archive was actually a Hold Dragonian instead of a dragon(the reason for this is still unknown, and one can only hope that one day the reasoning behind such, will be made clear). Unfortuneately things did not go as planned, the few Ancients that had any knowledge of the details of where the Archives ended up, all ended up being killed. Lost to time(very little info has been written down about the Archives, and even less about where then ended up, nevermind the individual guardians of such), and seemingly abandoned, she lay in wait, but needless to say, she's not happy about it.

There will be more char, but these are the major story driven char.

PS. Damn even with me giving the short versions, and only posting the most important aspects needed to best tell their stories, it was still a ton to write down lol.

Edit: Woops I forgot, that Dragonian female actually already has a name(thought it up like 8 years ago), It's Alicia(pronounced a-leece-a)

Thanks for the responses. Yeah, I wasn't exactly sure how Nius an Bathala gain their powers but I've been thinking up of reasons. I'll consider these suggestions. Now, I'm stuck on how are the PCs going to regain lost mana. Their powers come directly from deities so I'm not sure how I'm going to justify mana potions, and I'm having trouble thinking up of other ways. I've thought maybe they could pray at shrines but there are going to be places in the game where placing a shrine or altar wouldn't be appropriate.

You could have deity shrines for the players to pray at. That could refill their mp and maybe offer a temporary bonus in battle.

Here's an idea for my next game.  Let me know if this sounds interesting, or what I'm missing:

Under the Urth

BACKSTORY:
    A few centuries from now, people first meet aliens.  They call themselves the Dilwani.
    Although many are intrigued, some are fearful and try to hurt some of the Dilwani delegates.  Surprised, the Dilwani conclude humanity is too violent and immediately start a "war" using their physical weaponry.  Said "war" lasts about 2 minutes before the Dilwani stop, out of guilt for their overreaction, because the Earth now lies in ruins.
    
    They take the few hundred thousand of humans still alive, wipe their minds of the tragedy (and much of their scientific accomplishments), and transport them millions of light years away, to a planet which the humans named Urth, in unconscious recollection of their shattered home world.  The Dilwani, as their final parting gift, genetically modified humanity, both ensuring their compatibility with the native species and bestowing magical and psionic traits.  The latter are slowly blooming into consciousness now, bringing profound changes to the human population.
    
    However, the planet itself was NOT barren of life.  It had a sentient species --- the Wul.  They left their world behind reluctantly, nearly coming to full scale war against the Dilwani.  War among these races is waged between minds, shattering the combatants but preserving the world.  
    
    This game is set hundreds of years later.  Many generations of humans have lived and died, and only recall Urth as their home.  Their current technology is on a par with classic fantasy games.
    
    When the native creatures are defeated in battle, they often drop Life Crystals.  Said Crystals have many interesting properties, from permanent character bonuses, to healing and to powerful attacks.
    
    However, they are most often used to craft potions and to imbue armor and weapons with special qualities.  The rarer the metal mined, and the more potent the Crystal, the more potent the resulting effect.  Of course, the Crystals themselves have value if sold, with Crystals dropped by more powerful creatures being worth more.
        
    Unknown to many humans, there is a growing telepathic planetary consciousness which named itself Gaia after human legends.  This consciousness itself is a result of telepathic terraforming artifacts left behind by the Wul, before the final treaty was signed, which brought separate entities into a single, unified, consciousness.  It is continually strengthening.
    
    And, the Wul are watching, waiting for sufficient reason to appease the Dilwani, so the Wul take the planet back.  So, the fate of the world, for humanity, hangs in the balance.  
    
    In fact, many Wul live, in genetically perfect human bodies, to observe and influence the human society from within.  Under the terms of the treaty with the Dilwani, they may only act on and use "Abilities or knowledge which any human has manifested."  Therefore, some live as teachers, gladly improving humanity, hoping to increase what they, in turn are allowed to do, and waiting for humanity's downfall.  But they cannot use their vastly superior technology directly.
    
    Of course, not all humans are at peace with themselves.  There are two main human empires (names not yet defined), who are currently at war.  This war was secretly started by the Wul in human guise.  The war threatens to cause enough conflict to give the Wul their justification for eradicating humanity.
    
    As the party finds out these sinister plots, they must somehow stop the war and prove to the Wul that humanity is worth saving.  And, perhaps, if they are fortunate, they might even find some advanced Wul artifacts, long forgotten, deep within the mines.
    
    Late in the game, the party may even find themselves encountering advanced, futuristic technology on a larger scale.  Can they survive?
    
FEATURES:
    * Multiple classes the player may choose, some at the start, including skills such as various Magic flavors, Psionics, Bard and a variety of combat classes.  Others the player must learn from a Master (similar to Dragon Quest IX)
    * Party members must have their allegiance won by doing specific quests for them.  The stronger their allegiance, the longer they will stay with the main charcter.  Obviously they do not leave within a dungeon, but when you leave, some party members may return to their homes.
        * Higher allegiance levels allow party members to stay longer with you, with the highest ones allowing them to stay permanent
        * HOWEVER, allegiance levels may degrade, very slowly, over time, requiring the player to interact with any desired party members, even if they are not in the party at the moment
    * Item crafting, used to create the most powerful items.  All basic items are very cheaply available.
    * Functioning, simplified region-specific economy --- an item may be nearly worthless in one area, but highly sought after in another.  A clever player can get very wealthy by using this.
    * Fast Transport spell learned early on, allowing player to quickly travel to known locations (especially important since party members don't stay indefinitely)
    
CHARACTERS:

    Tim:  Main Character.  Works as a blacksmith and miner and inherited his house when his mother and father left, due to the war.  Although he thinks he is from royal descent, he is not.  Instead, his father (who worked as a merchant) purchased a faded and now obsolete Royal Seal from a broke noble, which he gave to his son on his most recent birthday.  

    Rina:  She is a Wul, but, as a human, has explored the planet completely, earning her keep as a master psionicist and magician.  She'll gladly join your party IF you prove your skill to her.  But, can she be trusted?  She is sometimes arrogant and often blunt, seeing no need to coddle humans.  Her allegiance never progresses past a certain point.
    
    Killian:  He's an absent minded type, playful but always curious.  He enjoys music and has some bard type abilities at the start.  He'll gladly join your party if you complete his quest, and is a bit of a rogue at heart.
    
    Indra:  When the war started, she started work as a merchant, to avoid the draft.  Now, a few years later, she is successful, but a bit restless.  She's quiet, pensive, and will reluctantly join your party if you complete her quests.  She has latent psionic abilities, but knows no skills.
    
    Oliver:  He tends to be rather bloodthirsty, relishes combat, but fancies himself a noble knight.  He could be, if he weren't so impatient.  He'll gladly go without even being asked, because his reputation nearly gets him kicked out of the town.
    
    Ursula:  She was trained in the Assassin's Guild, and reached the highest ranks before retiring.  Her skills have atrophied significantly since then, but she still has potent contacts, and is a master in stealth and combat.  She'll go with you if you accomplish her quests.  
    
    Others:  To Be Added

It sounds like a very unique take on some old ideas. I like your story and world setup. Just don't overkill your good game idea with a bunch of unnecessary features that could potentially over complicate the creation process.

@whitesphere : this sounds pretty cool! The blend of sci-fi and fantasy makes me think of Anne McCaffery's Dragonriders of Pern series.

One thing though--I would recommend changing the Wul's name. Spoken aloud, it sounds a bit too much like "wool." Other than that, this game sounds great!

Could I get a bit more feedback on my post (Located on page 19), I'd like a bit more (especially since some of the lore was newly added; I haven't used before).

Here's the premise of a project I am working on:

The Sound of Fjords

Genre: Story-driven RPG, sort of like Mass Effect.

The game is set in Corill, a pre-industrial semi-fantastical world who's political stability is at the breaking point:

Thirty years ago, a massive war broke out between the world's superpowers. The conflict lasted for five years and redrew the map of the world. After the war ended, the world was at peace again. However, that may soon change.

New technology has begun to emerge such as steam power and flight, while new ideologies such as communism and fascism are beginning to gain popularity as the power of the once powerful monarchs begins to wane.

The main character of the game is Phoenix, a 19 year-old citizen of the country of Western Wayguard. He decides to go to the small nation of Tynas in the south in order to attend a prestigious university in its capital. Joining him is Athena, his best friend.

However, a new crisis has emerged: the monarchy of Western Wayguard has been overthrown, replaced by a fascist government lead by the charismatic leader Mayvar Maxim. Caught in the middle of a full-scale invasion of Tynas, Phoenix and Athena decide to take it upon themselves to attempt to negotiate peace as the world teeters on the brink of a second global war.

Yes, the premise of this game is clearly inspired by Europe's political landscape during the first half of the 20th century. I'm worried about two things: One, the setup does not lead to a lot of good combat situations (Bosses, dungeons, etc.) and second, I'm afraid it is a bit too similar to real life. If I could get suggestions about how to improve this idea, it would help a lot.

If I did not give enough information, please tell me and I will add more.

This actually sounds pretty interesting. If you're worried about the lack of battle scenarios, maybe monsters are located in sewers, in ruins where important artifacts are located, and in the wilds between towns. Also, I'm a little hazy on what role a college student would play in international politics. He might be involved in some sort of resistance movement, but diplomatic negotiations?

And lots of games/fiction draw parallels to real events. You could even make allusions to it, the way FMA did.

Maybe he joins a resistance that attempts to get the support and attention of the world stage?

The majority of the game's plot takes place in two nations: Horun and Teris. Teris is one of the world's major super-powers, while Horun is a small, isolated island nation. The main character, who goes by The Heretic, is a part of religious rebellion fighting against Horun's fundamentalist government, The Seraphs. The Seraphs, finally driven to their knees and almost wiped out, desperately send a single man onto a Horun trading vessel in order to reach Teris, and request help from the Terrisian government. 

The Heretic manages to stage a meeting with Prince Serin, the alcoholic, gambling eldest prince of Teris who had seceded the throne at an early age. The Heretic quickly discovers the civil war that has been tearing apart Teris for almost three years. Serin assures the player that the king is busy enough, and will grant no troops or assistance, but promises that if the heretic is to help him, he can give just that. The majority of the game will involve a plot to put Serin on the throne through a series of assassinations, while still pressing forward with the revolution. The game is going to be very much so focused on political & diplomatic warfare. Of course, there's more to the overall plot than this, but that's the synopsis. I intend for this to be a very character-focused game with lots of interactions between the various groups and governments.

I'm working on a couple of games at the moment but my main project is based of a DnD campaign my Fiance ran a few years back.

You play as Mirage, a member of an infamous assassin guild. She is not an assassin herself but she has the ability to change her appearance at will, so she works as a spy. She eventually comes across a party of three who are trying to overthrow the King, claiming he is raising an army of undead as well as trying to capture the Elemental Lords to further his power.

You will have to try and save the Elemental Lords as well as gather as many allies as you can. In the end you will have to meet King Henrik in war, and you better hope you havn't failed all of your tasks.......

Choices are a big feature, I'm trying to create as many different paths the player can go down, some minor some major. You also have skill checks. Think of the Fallout games. So if you've raised your charisma high enough you can attempt to try and talk your way out of confrontations. If it's too low however you'll be attacked.

The main characters are;

Mirage: A spy for the Black hand assassins guild. She is able to change her appearance at will. She used to recieve a lot of grief because of this ability, due to people assuming she was either a witch or a demon. So she was glad when the Black hand actually appreciated her unique talents. Although she wants to prove herself to the guild she sometimes feels uncomfortable doing the more violent tasks thats required of her.

Arnuld: A wandering barbarian who was banished from his tribe. Arnuld lives for two things only, alcohol and fighting. Despite his gung ho nature he does have a sense of honor and cannot abide injustice.

Haakon: A cleric dedicated to the icy goddess Auril. His parents were merchants and frequently traveled to and from the Silverpine mountains, when Haakon was old enough he went with them and became to know the mountains like the back of his hand. As an adult he used his talents as a mountan guide, helping travelers and merchants along the safest paths on the mountain. Haakon tends to quite self serving at times and is almost obsessed with pleasing his God.

Taramis: Since she was a child Taramis has had an affinity with animals, being able to tame even the most wild of beasts. As she got older she became more comfortable bing surrounded with nature then people. She became a stable hand to a local lord tending to his prized stallions. Unfortunately tragedy struck one day in the form of a plague. With most of the household dead Taramis set out to find a new home. She came across a local druidic cult that worshipped naure. Taramis felt at home for the first time and vowed to follow the laws of nature from then on.

I have to say, you've really got an interesting backstory. I have to say though that I'm a bit confused about the goddesses roles. At first it seems like Maria and Melissa are good but their followers fight so the creator intervenes and brings in the mediator, Senhime. I get that. Then each goddess is given her own planet to rule: Maria keeps Novus, Melissa gets Noir, and Senhime gets Var. I get that too. But how does Maria raise such a powerful army when all the life was wiped out on Novus? Also, why does she attack Senhime instead of Melissa? And why is the goddess of light and life attacking people anyways?

I'm wondering how far are you into the development of the game using this story? I have a suspicion that the intro to this game is going to be an info dump during the prologue and I'd like to advise against that. You've got an interesting story so let the player discover the details on their own while playing through the game as opposed to forcing them to read all this right before they start playing the game.

I'd definitely try the demo when you get one out.

Here's my my game's idea. Please consider.

Title: "Magnus RPG & the Heptagram of Power"

Genre: Fantasy, Comedy, Sim Dating

Inspirations: Dragon Warrior, Fire Emblem, Reviera the Promised Land, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic

Planned systems:

- Relationship system

- Job/Class system
- Blue Magic

- Combination attacks/supports

Story:

100 years ago, the region of Magnus was plagued with the demonic "Monsters Empire" led by 9 kings of darkness known as the "Crimsons". War spreaded across the land and humanity lost its hope, until a valiant lord, Zeus of Hamilton, gathered warriors from around the land to vanquish the evil force. The heroes were success, but they lost their lives in the process. Peace returned, and Zeus and comrades became legend. In the present day, there's a sign of the return of the Monsters Empire and the 9 Crimsons. To protect Magnus from destruction, Prince Ricard of Hamilton, Lord Zeus' descendant, takes up a sword and embarks on a journey to vanquish the evil once and for all.

...Except you're not playing as him.

You are Jack, a humble orphan working part-time at Hamilton's Trading Guild, an infamous delinquent who openly being close with women despite the society's norm. His another quirk is that he goes to the same Knight Academy as the Prince, and is accepted as his personal sparing mate. Jack idolizes Ricard more than anything, and when the Prince embarks on a journey, he, late for the recruitment party, decides to set off to help the Prince achieving his goal. Unfortunately, things don't go his way.

Jack encounters one of the Crimsons, who unceremoniously sends him into the brink of death. At such moment, he is chosen by God to take up the titular "Heptagram of Power" and is given a task: he must recruit the fregments of the Heptagram - the heroines who represent positive elements that can counteract the Crimsons' powers. With no alternative, Jack embarks on his very own journey to fight the Monster Empire in his own way, even if his course of actions may eventually forces him to cross swords with the very person he worships.

Characters

- Jack (The Core)

- Ricard (Alternative Protagonist)

- Alena (Generosity)

.

- Silvia (Kindness)

- Myril (Honesty)

- Sheena (Loyalty)

- Leonora (Courage)

- Rori (Pride)

- Mia & RIa (Balance)

.

Of course mine gets ignored.