Plot and Character Feedback

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Started by Lunarea 1231 posts Page 18 of 62 View original ↗
  1. CrypticCuddler
    #341 Source
    BlissAuthority said:
    Thank you.
    You are very welcome dear X3

    Let us hope it goes well. At the rate I'm going, be lucky if I get any of the mechanics started by next week, hur hur.
  2. SLEEP
    #342 Source
    BlissAuthority said:
    The project is called Swann Song, after one of the protagonists, Fiona Swann (also because I'm not above making Final Fantasy jokes).  It's also a birthday present for my brother, who will be turning 25 (I believe) this February.
    Continuing from the skype chat we had the other day, here are my expanded thoughts, as promised.

    It would be easier to do a multilinear plot with a short game. Your plot sounds like it's got an excuse of an inciting incident, which gives way to an interesting character-driven affair, which is a good way to go about it for a choice-y game. To put it another way, looks like you're going to be placing how the characters react to events as the focus of your writing, and not so much the events themselves. I might be mistaken, but you haven't given much info on plot and dumped a whole bunch of info on the characters, so lol that's how i'm assuming it is.

    Anyway, for your sake, you might want to reduce the amount of shiny macguffins, so that you can write a shorter plot. Or not, but I think 3 would be a better number than 6. But as we established on Skype, I personally have a long history of abandoned projects so maybe i'm just paranoid, don't let my hangups bug you.

    Anyway, for a choice-y game regarding plot, you're presenting a cast without much choice for customization. That's fine, just an observation. As an example of something that's the opposite to your game is Final Fantasy 5, which offers you all kinds of choices when it comes to approaches to take in combat, but has a linear storyline.

    I'm a bit confused at to what you mean by "protag 1" and "protag 2". I'm assuming sort of protag 2, Sebastian, who you identified as a "viewpoint character" is the playable main protagonist, but protag 1 is the character who the story revolves around? 

    i'm sure i could say more, but that's all that comes to mind that also wasn't covered in the skype chat so yea
  3. BlissAuthority
    #343 Source
    SLEEP said:
    Continuing from the skype chat we had the other day, here are my expanded thoughts, as promised.
    Hey, thanks! I appreciate it.

    SLEEP said:
    It would be easier to do a multilinear plot with a short game. Your plot sounds like it's got an excuse of an inciting incident, which gives way to an interesting character-driven affair, which is a good way to go about it for a choice-y game. To put it another way, looks like you're going to be placing how the characters react to events as the focus of your writing, and not so much the events themselves. I might be mistaken, but you haven't given much info on plot and dumped a whole bunch of info on the characters, so lol that's how i'm assuming it is.
    Pretty much this. The plot is a thin excuse for the characters to do things and react to each other, and that's deliberate; although I am putting some thought into what they are and what they do, what they're looking for doesn't really matter. "What's in the briefcase, Vincent?"

    SLEEP said:
    Anyway, for your sake, you might want to reduce the amount of shiny macguffins, so that you can write a shorter plot. Or not, but I think 3 would be a better number than 6. But as we established on Skype, I personally have a long history of abandoned projects so maybe i'm just paranoid, don't let my hangups bug you.
     
    Probably a good idea. The Starlight Sword, the Lunar Circlet and the Radiant Sphere it is, then.

    SLEEP said:
    Anyway, for a choice-y game regarding plot, you're presenting a cast without much choice for customization. That's fine, just an observation. As an example of something that's the opposite to your game is Final Fantasy 5, which offers you all kinds of choices when it comes to approaches to take in combat, but has a linear storyline.
     
    There is some room for customization and emphasis - two or three decent builds per character - but they're pretty much class-locked by design. Giving Jaatu a bow and light clothing makes her an evasion tank, for example; you need to have her dual wield knives to make her a debuff engine or swords and medium armor for damage. No matter what you do to her, though, she's about building TP quickly and making special attacks.

    SLEEP said:
    I'm a bit confused at to what you mean by "protag 1" and "protag 2". I'm assuming sort of protag 2, Sebastian, who you identified as a "viewpoint character" is the playable main protagonist, but protag 1 is the character who the story revolves around?
     
    Yep.  It's about Fiona Swann and her Black Swan Mercenaries, but from the perspective of Sebastian.

    SLEEP said:
    i'm sure i could say more, but that's all that comes to mind that also wasn't covered in the skype chat so yea
    Thank you kindly.
  4. Omega Weapon
    #344 Source
    As I'm working on my own game, which can be followed over at the VXAce forums, here are some of the things happening in the introduction of the game. What happens, is how the 'main party' got together, along with them learning about the approaching danger the world is in.

    (very schematic, as it about how it al sticks together as well. And yes, it's a FF fangame. And some spoilers between brackets, in case everyone gets far enough in the game to make sense of it. Might help you guys too.)

    Spoiler
    ***INTRODUCTION*** 

    This game starts with Lyra hunting.

    Lyra chases a wild boar. (autorun)

    Quita comes in, clunking in armour. (Quita joins party)

    Boar gets away. Control switches to manual.

    Short tutorial on moving around by Quita. (assuming player uses keyboard) Lyra is not amused.

    Player comes across a ledge.

    Small blue circle indicates jump locations. (explained by Quita) Lyra is still not amused.

    Jump up ledge (press A on circle)

    Continue to second map.

    Player sees a twinkeling star on a bush.

    Another tidbit of information by Quita on interaction.

    Bush gives out a potion.

    Followed into a small glade with the boar from before.

    Battle follows, with small tutorial (again by Quita). Lyra is again not amused, because tutorial.

     

    After battle, -> Cutscene:

    Boar gives birth. Lyra is covered with muck.

    Quita leads the animals away.

    Lyra goes to the pond to wash herself. (Quita leaves party)

     

    Some time later, Lyra shown in pond, without clothes. (in water naturally)

    Suddenly, Giant Snake comes in.

    Lyra says the snake doesn't belong there. Grabs spear.

    It's a Midgar Zolom. Not native to island, should be killed.

     

    Cuts to ->

    BOSS BATTLE: Midgar Zolom, HP: 900  MP: 100  ATK: 6  DEF: 2  MAT: 1  MDF: 1  AGI: 3  LUK: 8

     

    Only Lyra's bust is shown. (upper body covered by hair, as censor)

    Giant Snake on the left. Hits quite hard, sometimes uses poison.

    Low stats, except ATK. Should be intro boss, not too hard.

    Mostly attacking should do it, sometimes, use First-Aid.

     

    After battle ->

    Lyra hides in bushes, with spear, still naked. Snake gets away.

    Quita comes in with some men.

    Lyra asks for her clothes.

    Quita jokingly gives them.

     

    Return to Mityna ->

    Guards ask what happened and ask for Lyra's Hunter's License.

    Lyra has it at home, so it doesn't get lost.

    Guard is not amused.

    Escorted home, shows license, done with it, after Quita pays some money. Most likely a bail out payment.

    Small tour of Cavalier and part of Serpent and Maiden districts.

     

    Dream sequence ->

    Lyra hears voices.

    Exploring a temple in her dreams, following a voice.  (voice = Great Soul Beyond)

    Lyra is the current Guardian, Shinryu is close to waking up.

    Lyra has to save the world, but does not know how or what a Guardian is.

     

    Waking up ->

    Lyra stands in Mityna Temple. She was sleepwalking. (entering the temple without permission AND guidance of a priest is STRICTLY forbidden and has a lot of severe stuff to choose from, as punishment)

    Elder is not amused.

    Taken in by Temple Guards and High Priest Ténèbres

    Ténèbres sssslisps a bit while talking (hint, he is the Midgar Zolom, AKA Nox, Zodiark's son)

    Lyra explains her weird dream.

    Ténèbres knows what it means, but fakes not knowing.

    Ténèbres throws Lyra in the dungeon, awaiting trial.

     

    Cut to dungeons ->

    Lyra mumbles in herself, something about saving the world and being locked up.

    Quita visits. "What did you do this time?"-speech

    Elder walks in. Time for trial, in front of the entire city.

    Quita is ordered to come along.

     

    On their way to the Main Square, in Dragon District ->

    Lyra spots a silver-haired man in the crowd.   (Man = Lumos)

    He mumbles something about "Snakebreed" (means Nox)

     

    In Trial ->

    Elder tells what happened.

    Lyra is accused of desecrating the Temple of Bahamut, hunter's license is mentioned.

    Crowd boos.

    Ténèbres lists the possible punishments:

    Death, lifetime in the dungeons (includes torture, apparently), Banishment 

    OR being stripped of all belongings and becoming the personal servant of Ténèbres (AKA slavery)

    (punishment is high because of Lyra's Cavalier Status)

    Surprise, surprise, Quita is charged with assisting in all crimes and bribing a guard,

    Banishment, carrying out Lyra's execution, 

    dungeons too, or "slavery" as well. (Quita is Cavalier too)

    Ténèbres asks the crowd what their punishments should be, 'for the glory of Bahamut'-tone.

    "Any objections?"

    Silver-haired man steps out of crowd. "I object, for the TRUE glory of Bahamut"-speech.

    He is promptly attacked by a guard because "blasphemy" -> reacts with Holy-spell.

    Elder is surprised. Ténèbres mumbles "From womb of Dragon's carcass..."

    Lyra, Quita and Lumos flee the city.

     

    The party ends up at Lyra's tent-base at the far end of the island, and decides that this will be their base of operation for now.

     

     

    ***END OF INTRODUCTION***
     

     

    The rest of the plot is about saving the world in general, and the various problems the different cities on Chentaya are facing. All of them involving one of the Zodiac Espers.

     

    World Map:

    Spoiler
    chentaya_map_by_lauraanimefanlein-d6g6xxb.png
  5. arekpowalan
    #345 Source
    @Laura, Something tells me I can't take your Lyra seriously. First, she's hunting a boar, getting stopped by a random tutorial-happy soldier, witnessing the boar giving a birth(?), fighting a gaint snake while she's naked(??), then sleepwalking into a chruch and somehow getting sentenced because of a "You're the Chosen One" dream.(???)

    Okay, first, why would a boar give a birth. Does it provide her something she need to know? Maybe it's something Quita realizes but not Lyra, for a hunter shouldn't hunt pregnent animals? You should provide a reason for this scene. Morality could give the player good impressions toward your characters.

    Second, why would a woman fight a snake in a bath? Fan service wouldn't really work if your character is introduced not very long ago as she doesn't have any fan to serve to begin with; worse, the player would mistaken your game as an eroge. In practice, it's illogical to think of fighting a snake in an uncomfortable situation like being naked, not to mention it's dangerous to engage in a battle without protection, especially against a giant snake that can kill you. I can understand if you would like to depict Lyra as brave and fearless, but at least you should make her at least freak out or something. Maybe she has to fight naked because she's cornered? Or maybe she's that brave and doesn't care of being naked? Nevertheless, carefully handling this scene can shows off Lyra's character pretty well, if you know what you're doing.

    Still, unless this is an eroge or an M-rated game, there shouldn't be a naked scene this early.

    Finally, that trial is rather chaotic. If death or slavery are good punishments for a klutz who has sleepwalked into the temple, then there's a serious problem with the trial system and people's attitude. Give more justifiable reason why Lyra are hunted by the chruch would be a good idea. Or make sure there's a reason why the chruch would act all too serious about that sleepwalking crime.

    There is always potential to make these seemly ankward scenes work. Just be sure what you're doing, and don't throw things in just because they look cool or sexy. By the way, good luck on your project :) .
  6. Omega Weapon
    #346 Source
    @arekpowalan: Lyra is hunting the boar, but didn't see that it was pregnant until it was cornered, in a more open area. What's with dim light and things, it's not very easy to tell fat boars from pregnant ones. Normally, Lyra isn't the type that hunts everything that walks, unlike some other hunters in the area. She does need money for a living and not every petitioner knows everything about the animal they want hunted. If the petitioner gave a detailed description and described it ain a way Lyra could make out that is was pregnant, she would've turned it down.

    The random soldier, Quita, is Lyra's best friend and they enter the scene together. The tutorial is some kind of "it got away"-thing. 

    The snake attacks Lyra while she takes a bath and it's pretty large. Running away would be a death-sentence in its own right. (she is just as surprised as you are, and covered as much as possible. Hello non-translucent water!)

    And about the temple, she enters the off-limits part without permission, and if you want to enter, you NEED permission and be under surveillance of a priest. Next, Lyra is Cavalier, which is the lower/working class. And because the temple is located in the Dragon  (higher class/nobility) area, punishment is severe. (a noble would get away with a fine, workers... you get the picture). There are more motivations for the High Priest, but they are of a later plot point, when it is revealed who he really is. (and more details about the snake ;) )
  7. BlackRoseMii
    #347 Source
    I've had an idea for a small project right now and I wondered if it was made already. Anyway, here's the plot I have so far:

    Spoiler
    It's basically about a girl who continues the job of her father as someone who places treasure chests all over the place for the heroes to find. The current hero accidentaly catches her doing that although nobody should find out. And they somehow fall in love with each other.
    Well, that's all I got for now. I came up with it a few minutes ago and thought it would be fun to make. What do you guys think?
  8. Deep Thought
    #348 Source
    Yet another one of my unfinishable projects, called rpg_alpha.exe, is a sort of meta-game. The plot is that the player, AKA "Protag", is playtesting an alpha build of a basic CRPG.

    • While the game's basic programming and level design, or "crunch", have been established, the game's writers haven't established the plot and aesthetics, or "fluff". The bad guy, named "Antag", is programmed as a boss, but who it is and why it is doing what it does is not written.
    • Large objects like trees, buildings, etc., are rendered as monochromatic geometric stand-ins.
    • The maps aren't completely textured; instead, they are color-coded based on what environment they would become in the "beta" build. The Red map, for example, would become a volcano or hellish location in the beta game, with "lava" represented by hot-looking recolored carpet tiles; likewise, the Cyan map would likely be written as an ice level with slippery tiles.
    • Elemental types are similarly color-coded; while the weaknesses of each color hasn't been fully decided on in-game, each color resists itself. So Red monsters take less damage from Red attacks, and use Red attacks themselves, but the in-universe developers haven't figured out what they would be weak to.
    • Classes are sorted according to statistical balance: Tank, DPS, Support, Crowd Control, etc.
    • Weapons are sorted by Contact (melee), Projectile (which would be fluffed as throwing weapons, grenades, or magic orbs), and Hitscan (bows/guns). Each class would specialize in a specific type of weapon.
    • Maps aren't connected by routes; instead, the player switches between them at computer terminals in given locations. Alternatively, I could include an item that allows the player to switch maps at any time via a menu.
    • Each map has a specific goal. For example, the red map is an obstacle course that the player has to simply survive, the green "forest" map is a maze, and the grey "urban" map is a capture-the-flag/Macguffin affair.
    • After each map has been "tested" and beaten, the final map, with the game's final boss, is unlocked. After that's done, you win.
    It's more of a personal exercise in pure game design, with no real plot.
  9. Clareain_Christopher
    #349 Source
    @palladinthug

    Thanks for helping out.  BD
  10. HakuroDK
    #350 Source
    Hey folks! This is an utterly silly idea that I haven't had much time to work on, but I thought I'd run the concept by you folks and see what you think.

    Project GLASS

    In a Technological Research and Development Facility, a brilliant, yet depressed scientist gets employed. Expecting to start out as a researcher right away or to be part of a team working on the latest advancements in the field of quantum mechanics, our hero finds that he is more often than not relegated to menial tasks such as fetching coffee or delivering messages like some sort of intern. While working in this facility, he has developed a number of independent project off-hours, including one device he calls "Project GLASS". One day, a senior researcher discovers our hero's research notes, writes them out in his own handwriting, and claims all the credit. That act being the last straw, our hero begins smuggling supplies into a secluded area of the facility before activating Containment Protocol. With Containment Protocol in effect, every room of the building is completely sealed off (a measure normally used in case of a highly lethal, highly contagious virus). This gives time for our hero to build and complete Project GLASS, a transdimensional gate linked to an Earth-like world in an unknown section of the universe. As he completes the device, he activates it and leaps inside without turning back.

    Our hero wakes up, having fallen unconscious from the journey, and sees a mysterious masked man saying things about prophecy. Despite his better judgment, our hero follows the masked man, who ultimately leads him all over this new world of magic and mystery on an adventure rife with politics, betrayal, invasion, and a mysterious murdering psychopath who seems to treat everyone as if they aren't real. Our hero and the masked man traverse this world and meet up with a variety of colorful characters including thieves-turned-revolutionaries bent on overthrowing the aristocracy, folks being persecuted for being born with psychic abilities, houses of nobility fighting over various issues of ethics, and many, many more.
  11. HoaxINC
    #351 Source
    Ok, so I got this idea for a game series I'd like to make, consisting of five to six games.

    The series will be called Demon Hunters Club.
     
    Plot

    The series follows an average college freshman (Kyle Highland) who hears about a vampire attack but doesn't believe it to be vampires. A veteran vampire hunter by the name of Jorlic Vorbani encourages Kyle to join a guild dedicated to killing demonic creatures and protecting the public. The monsters are a traditional gothic horror alignment (vampires, werewolves, undead, etc.) and hellish creatures.

    Spoiler
    After killing the final boss of the first game, a name is uttered out "Darukhul". In each game since then, the player will discover more about Darukhul and will encounter him in the fourth game.
     
    Setting

    The series takes place in modern times, in the US. One continent I came up with is called Ordantica. The lifestyle and religion are inspired by Pagan and Wiccan religions, with the continent's religion being referred to as "Zycharian". Many magic users, like Allan Wurbheimer (one of the charaters in the series), follow this religion as it has to do with magic, particularly telekinetic and environment altercation magics (subject to change).


    Theme

    The series, as a whole, is a action-horror-dark fantasy story with humorous dialogue bits and stuff used for comic relief.


    Target Audience

    The series is targeted for a mature audience (series contains gratuitous bloody violence, crude humor, and some strong language).

    Characters

    Kyle Highland- average college student and central protagonist in the series. Six months before the first game, Kyle was participating in a car race when he got into a car wreck; no severe damage was done other than a broken knee and pelvis but it did make him afraid of dying and pain. Kyle is characterized as good-hearted and laid-back but can sometimes be cocky and sometimes arrogant.

    Jorlic Vorbani- veteran vampire hunter and Chief coordinator of the Demon Hunters Guild.

    Spoiler
    Vorbani was a vampire in his younger years, in the mid to late 1800s. He valued great power until he realized he had killed his own wife in initiation; he didn't find out about it until he completed the initiation. He was cured of his vampirism in the 1970s-80s and joined the guild in its earliest days, forming it with Rodamus Ram Jelsing III. He's supposed to be in his late 50s-early 60s in the series.
    Katryn Borland- Kyle's girlfriend and love interest. She is studying to be a special needs teacher where Kyle goes to school.

    Allan Wurbheimer- sorcerer-type character who gained master level training since the age of 13. His magic skills range from standard spells (fire, earth, water, etc.) to healing to telekinesis to mind control. He is in his 20s.

    Topher Reynolds- relatively new recruit from the previous year in the Demon Hunters Guild. Kyle is taken under his wing on missions to kill a vampire.

    Lord Rydnaxella- main villain of the first game. He is the vampire lord who resides in an underground civilization. He is the equivalent to Dracula, only he turns into a dragon-like creature (subject to change).
     
    Inspration

    Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim's expansion Dawnguard was used as inspration for the series as a whole. Castlevania may also be used as inspiration for certain monsters and environments. The core gameplay will be in the style of Legend of Zelda, particularly "Link to the Past" and "Link's Awakening".
     
    Weapons

    For the most part, the weapons will be guns, ranging from shotguns, miniguns, and even bizarre guns such as those that shoot silver stakes (traditional ways of killing a vampire). Melee weapons will include katanas (other melee weapons pending).
    The game's explanation for why any bullet can kill vampires is that every ounce of ammunition is soaked in holy water for at least one hour before use.
     
    Music

    The music will be either hard rock or indistrialized electro music. Some acoustic music may also be applied. I may also use some music by Kevin MacLeod.
     
     
    NOTE: Some of this is subject to change.
  12. Madam_Detective
    #352 Source
    I have piece of dialogue between the main characters that I need help with. There are four of them, three girls and one guy. Basically, the girls were attacked by a monster, and the MC showed up to save them, though he himself was then saved by someone else as well. The girls poked fun at him for trying to show off, and I want to make this part a little funny. Here's a quick version of what I have:

    Char 1: So what happened to that monster? Did you beat him?

    MC: Um, actually, I had quite a hard time fighting him. If that guy over there hadn't showed up to help me, I might have been obliterated.

    Char 1: Heheh. And you were like "I am going to kick this guy's ass! Just you watch, girls!".

    MC: Hey, don't exaggerate things like that. At least I helped holding him back so you can escape. You should at least thank me.

    Char 1: Sure. I will remember your kindness until the day I...

    Char 2: Until the day you get married?

    Char 1: Hahah. Good one!

    MC: Aw. That's so cold.

    That's basically how the conversation went. I think the way the joke was written isn't funny. So how do I improve this part? :D
  13. Bonkers
    #353 Source
    HakuroDK said:
    Hey folks! This is an utterly silly idea that I haven't had much time to work on, but I thought I'd run the concept by you folks and see what you think.

    Project GLASS

    In a Technological Research and Development Facility, a brilliant, yet depressed scientist gets employed. Expecting to start out as a researcher right away or to be part of a team working on the latest advancements in the field of quantum mechanics, our hero finds that he is more often than not relegated to menial tasks such as fetching coffee or delivering messages like some sort of intern. While working in this facility, he has developed a number of independent project off-hours, including one device he calls "Project GLASS". One day, a senior researcher discovers our hero's research notes, writes them out in his own handwriting, and claims all the credit. That act being the last straw, our hero begins smuggling supplies into a secluded area of the facility before activating Containment Protocol. With Containment Protocol in effect, every room of the building is completely sealed off (a measure normally used in case of a highly lethal, highly contagious virus). This gives time for our hero to build and complete Project GLASS, a transdimensional gate linked to an Earth-like world in an unknown section of the universe. As he completes the device, he activates it and leaps inside without turning back.

    Our hero wakes up, having fallen unconscious from the journey, and sees a mysterious masked man saying things about prophecy. Despite his better judgment, our hero follows the masked man, who ultimately leads him all over this new world of magic and mystery on an adventure rife with politics, betrayal, invasion, and a mysterious murdering psychopath who seems to treat everyone as if they aren't real. Our hero and the masked man traverse this world and meet up with a variety of colorful characters including thieves-turned-revolutionaries bent on overthrowing the aristocracy, folks being persecuted for being born with psychic abilities, houses of nobility fighting over various issues of ethics, and many, many more.
    So, the company doesn't send anyone in after this rogue scientist or use the now existing gate in anyway?

    I don't see the point of copying someone's notes in handwriting.  Typed words don't distinguish ownership anything if copy pasted to another document, and if someone makes notes it's usually in a text document.  No consumer or citizen I know writes down notes on paper anymore.  I don't think a scientist would either outside of a class room, and even students all have laptops and tablets now.

    As for copying someone's notes at all, it doesn't mean the person would know how to produce the same results.  I've seen it before where people believe they can copy something and learn just by copying, it doesn't happen that way.

    Also the reaction of the scientist is rather brash.  He has access to things the senior researcher does?  If so then I can see him misusing company materials, but security at something that important would warrant camera's and surveillance.  As a new scientist the project he'd be on probation or watched in some way.  He cannot just do what he wants or leave his area.  You also mentioned his main function is like an intern.  I don't think that grants higher security.

    I understand about causing a lock down, but given the importance of the project and the security forces can get through those lock downs at even a large facility in minutes since they have the codes.  I don't think GLASS would be completed in that short of a time, I'd be more inclined to think he plans on activating it in the small window of time he has.

    Also when a lock down is caused, that usually means all power to projects is cut.  That would mean project Glass as well.  This is done as a security measure to keep equipment and areas harder to navigate or information to be removed during a lock down.  It makes it easier for security to sweep in.  At least this is how I understand it.
  14. Madam_Detective
    #354 Source
    Anyone have any feedback for me? I could just keep that part as it is now, though. :)
  15. AngelGrace
    #355 Source
    Never noticed this thread. Okay then! Tell me what you think!
     
    The game I'm currently working on takes place in a world threatened by witches; they're using their powers to control the human populace. Within the first few minutes of the game, you find out you're also a witch, and use your powers to defeat a witch who's come to take control of your town. It turns out, in ultimate cliche form, your father had a kid before he married your mother (you), with a witch. You set out to try and find your mother, but things get complicated; with witches pushing on the humans, monsters have begun to spread, attacking humans and witches alike. 
     
    In addition to this complication, your own powers are working against you. Your magic is corrupting you when you use it. While you can stave off this corruption, if you're not careful, you'll lose yourself to it, becoming a evil witch like the others. While at first it's a simple quest to find your origins, you soon get pulled into the greater, three way struggle between humans, witches, and monsters.
     
    The world is stated to be watched over by a Goddess, a former Priestess who, long ago, saw the suffering of all living things and prayed for a light to shine over the world; she became that light, watching over humans as well as witches and the other species of the world; it's implied that her light is what's helping to keep you from falling into evil.
     
    Meanwhile, there seems to be, in the shadows, a new, dark religion starting to rise up that's entirely separate from either witches or monsters.
    Warning: Extended Plot Details

    Spoiler
    The witches power actually comes from demons, and the monsters are humans transformed by demonic power. The demons end goal is to darken the world enough to cross over from their world and take the planet; witches are just pawns for them to use.
     
    The monsters not inherently evil, unlike the witches, but the transformation has affected their minds. By the end of the game, they're beginning to form their own society.
     
    You actually do find your mother; it turns out she traveled with your mother and father long ago and was once of the first witches; she used her power sparingly and so was only moderately affected. Even still, knowing the price she pays for using her power, she aids the townsfolk where she's living with her magic.
     
    You also get aid from one of the stronger witches, who appears occasionally to explain certain things before joining your party outright towards the end. I'm still working on how she's managed to resist the corruptive effects of her powers, but I'm thinking she was especially faithful before she was a witch, holding her corruption at bay the same way you do, by appealing to the Goddess.
     
    Early in the game, you meet a Priestess, and go with her as she prays at an altar to restore the Goddesses protection; there are four altars in all, including one tainted by the witches; each one increases the Priestesses ability, and once all four are visited, the demons power wanes enough for you to challenge the "final dungeon", the Witches Stronghold

    Ha you thought that was the end; for the final act, you enter the demon world to defeat the demons and close the pathway between humanity and the demons; in so doing, you'll shatter the bond between magic and the demons, granting the witches freedom to use their spells without falling to demonic power.
     
    Tentatively, I'd like to include an Ultimate Final Battle, depending on choices you've made through the game, where you ascend beyond even a witch to face a great evil, resulting in a Best End; I don't have more than one final end planned at the moment, though I do have quite a few game over scenes in the works.
     
    The Dark Church (The Cult of the Nightmare Moon, tentatively) also originates from the demon world, but it's a different faction who believes humans should be absorbed into the darkness, not conquered; it was one of their number who helped create the monsters. This will be more of a subplot running under the main story, coming mostly in the forms of books and mentioned in passing in some conversations. Find all (or a good chunk) of the references results in a bonus quest where your Priestess is kidnapped. Not only do you have to do without her help, you learn they intend to convert her to a Dark Priestess, so you have a time limit to reach her; depending on if you make that time limit, you either have to face her and then the leader of the Dark Church, or just the leader of the church; if she does wind up converted, she can't be unconverted and her skillset changes (You lose access to a lot of amazing support skills but gain some new ones and some offensive skills)
     
    That's the plot~
     
    Now, I have three main characters (four, but one of them is a spoiler~)
     
    MC - Probably going to allow the player to name
    A sweet young girl who's lived in a simple town for her entire life. The fact she's a witch hits her very hard, and she spends a lot of the first act uncertain if she's capable of holding back her power, and in fact is not very confident during the game. Despite this, she strongly believes in justice, and won't hesitate to use her powers to fight back the other witches. She's originally only looking for her mother, but it's hard for her to resist helping people in need.
     
    Alice - Name Tentative
    A Priestess still studying the arts of healing. She treats everyone with the same level of kindness, no matter who they are. When she's introduced, she's concerned about another Priestess, and the Main Character joins her to investigate; after the matters resolved, Alice asks to travel with the MC to help on her quest as well as for her own personal reasons. She serves as a calm pillar to help stabilize the main character and the only method outside of statues to restore the main characters Purity.
     
    Zypher
    Another young witch, and meant to serve as the foil to the main character. She fully embraces her powers, and views the humans as weak and foolish; she considers the witches to be the natural superior and by that nature they should be leading the world. The rise of the monsters upsets her greatly because they're even lower then humans yet dare attack witches. Despite her arrogant views, she does harbor a certain concern for the world, and her stance softens as the plot advances.

    Spoiler
    Elder WitchShe actually sits on the council of witches, and greatly distrusts the leader of the witches, who turns out to be a demon. As such, she's been studying the source of the witches power and trying to find a way to start a coup. When she finds out about the main character, she follows her closely, eventually joining the just before they challenge the witches castle. She serves as a general adviser to the main character throughout the story, appearing from time to time to offer guidance.  
  16. Bonkers
    #356 Source
    AngelGrace said:
    Never noticed this thread. Okay then! Tell me what you think!
    I like the idea of your Sage character that actually participates in the plot.

    We seldom see well executed late game characters, so it's good to see she's so involved with the propagandist and

    has a large claim in the game to fight as well rather than just dispensing exposition.

     

    How does the player measure corruption exactly?  Will there be a meter or a graphical change in the character?  Will there be

    a way to reverse corruption through an item or quests, or is it permanent?  
  17. AngelGrace
    #357 Source
    palladinthug said:
    I like the idea of your Sage character that actually participates in the plot.

    We seldom see well executed late game characters, so it's good to see she's so involved with the propagandist and

    has a large claim in the game to fight as well rather than just dispensing exposition.

     

    How does the player measure corruption exactly?  Will there be a meter or a graphical change in the character?  Will there be

    a way to reverse corruption through an item or quests, or is it permanent?  
    Eventually there will be a meter (I'm using a variable to control it, and am hoping to get a script for a bar: It'll need to show in combat, so...); I'm currently simply presenting a message showing how much Purity is left during each turn.

    Purity can be restored via statues scattered throughout the world, it's normally restored after a major fight, and I plan to include a couple skills for the Priestess to restore Purity. The hardest part I think will be balancing the game around this; using stronger spells costs more Purity, so it'll be a tradeoff between quickly dispatching an enemy but risking a Purity Deplete Game Over, or using weaker skills and risking being defeated.

    I'm also sneakily including a second, hidden Corruption variable based on player choice. At the moment, it just affects some dialogue and a possible extra ending to the game if you get through with 0 or low corruption, but I'd like to make it a bit more meaningful.
  18. Nykthos
    #358 Source
    I realized I never asked for feedback on my newest project (Having basically abandoned the old one). Out of Laziness I also copied quite a bit from my project Topic because, Like I said I'm lazy like that, and well all the info that I would need here to explain this well enough was there.

    Broken Grace is a project idea I had. It takes place in a fantasy setting, and follows the story of a young man who is thrust into the world after an unfortunate incident. Venturing beyond his home, he learns more about himself and life. He fights, he loves, and finds his place in the world and within a prophecy foretold before his birth. The Prophecy that foretold the return of a Dark Angel, a monster of such terrible power, and with that power it brought havoc and destruction to Mankind bringing it to its knees. With a lack of a better term this being became known as the Chaos Angel, after a great war this angel was vanquished from the world. However as the prophecy tells of the return of this angel, our hero must find a way to prevent it, before life as he knows it ceases to be.

    Characters

    Spoiler
    Xen Dimas

    The Protagonist of Broken Grace, he is brave and honest, although some might say he is a tad dense. He cares for others before himself and protects what he believes is right. He wields a sword, but only uses it against mindless monsters or those  who threaten himself or his friends.
    Alice Igna

    The main Heroine of Broken Grace, she is kind and passionate. She in a way is almost innocent, she dreams of a life above the stars themselves. She wields a whip, and is a near master of Ice Magic, but unlike her magic, her heart is warmer than anyone else you might meet.

    Michael Vistol

    A Paladin with a noble air around him, he seeks his wife after she was taken away from him over two years ago. His intellect is vast, and he is master of both the bow, and light magic, he uses his knowledge and skill to continue his search for his wife.

    Trevor Najja

    A simple pickpocket, his half-elf identity makes him an outcast from the elves, and ridiculed by humans for being different ever since he was a child. At a young age his parents perished and he took up a life of crime, and stole for himself and his sister. He cares for his sister above anything else and would die for her so she might be happy.

    Lin Baun

    Xen’s childhood, and best friend. Although a bit of a tomboy at times, she has a motherlike personality. Overtime she came to fall in love with Xen although he has yet to notice her, no matter how many hints she or others drop.
    The World Setting

    Spoiler
    The world Broken Grace takes place in is known as Astol.

    Astol is divided by three realms of existence.

    1. The Mortal Realm, where Mankind resides alongside many other creatures of nature, and a few monsters that have pooled in from another realm.
    2. The Celestial Realm, where only the Souls who have passed on and Angels reside.
    3. The Æther Realm, where all of the monsters are created and born, this Realm is run mostly by Vampires and Werewolves as they are the most intelligent monsters.
    Mortal Realm


    In the Mortal Realm, the world is split by 5 Kingdoms along 4 continents.

    1. There is Diora the Kingdom on the Northern half of the West Continent, and where Xen's journey begins.
    2. There is Rue the Kingdom on the Southern half of the West Continent.
    3. There is Schneelande the Kingdom on the Northern Continent, where it is always winter. It is well known for being a neutral country in matters of war.
    4. There is Yahara the Kingdom on the Southern Continent, which has a natural climate of a desert, also is the leader in trade.
    5. There is Bentz the Kingdom on the Easter Continent, and leader in natural resources.
    6. Lastly there is a Large island like area in the middle of all of these continents, this is known as the Outlands, due to the land's lack of government, and lack of laws.
    The Mortal Realm is also split by numerous races some more known than others.

    The dominant race of Humans who preside over more than half of the land.

    The Second race is the dwarves, who reside in the northernmost part of Schneelande as they are the only species able to inhabit there.

    The Third and least inhabiting species are the Elves, who reside along the valleys of Yggdrasil, as the guardians and protectors of the Great Tree.

     

    Other notable Creatures are Faeries who reside in areas with overflowing natural magic, Demons whom are hunted down by Paladins, Clerics, Priests, and other manners of holy men, due to their natural evil. Lastly the Merfolk whom reside under the seas.

    The most notable living creature in the world is Yggdrasil, it is a tree of life, created by the Almighty one. The Legend stated that the great tree, raised from the seed from the almighty, would heal those who were sick as long as they were pure. It is said that it can purify the most sinful. It is said that its power can destroy the damned.

    Celestial Realm

    Spoiler
    A realm above the Mortal Realm, it exists as a place that souls go to once they die. It is believed that only human souls go to the Celestial Realm, and that Elven souls are absorbed into Yggdrasil, while Dwarven souls just fade.

    Within the Celestial Realm also live the Angels. The Guardians of fate and light, they exist to assist man in its path of evolution, and to keep man on the path set out by its creator. Angels are in a way almost indestructible and can be only killed by another angel or a dragon. In the event that an angel is killed by another angel, they are reborn as a human child approximately 1,000 years after their death, these are known as "AR" or Angel Reincarnates. Angel Reincarnates are the only example of humans that could possibly kill an angel.


    Æther Realm

    Spoiler
    A realm that exists somewhere between the Mortal Realm and the Celestial Realm. Within is the birthplace of almost every monster known to man. Although somewhat hard to believe the Æther Realm does have a sort of government, it is a land divided by two races of monster, Werewolves and Vampires. Two sides of the same coin they are locked in eternal war, and it seems neither side is likely to die out anytime soon.


    So... thoughts? Suggestions? Criticisms? I am all-ears... also I am trying to think of a better term for the Dark Angel beyond The Chaos Angel because that sounds a little too, I don't know but I am trying to find a better term. Also Any info I might not have put here would be there. http://forums.rpgmakerweb.com/index.php?/topic/21664-broken-grace/
  19. captainproton
    #359 Source
    Here's mine:

    The Book of 12 Stars (working title, open to suggestions)

    Setting: fantasy, medieval/renaissance-era, europe- and middle east-inspired countries

    Major Plot: Duran, a trainee sage of the goddess Libra, is tasked with retrieving what is believed to be a magical artifact, and taking it to the Great Library. Should he succeed, he will receive his full credentials as a Sage. He is aided by his friend, Cordelia, who has inherited her late mother's Paladin abilities.

    However, what begins as a simple fetchquest soon becomes a tangle of corrupt politicians, masked ecoterrorists, faerie curses and opera house homicides.

    Other PCs:

    -Tiko, a ranger raised by faeries and woodland beasties; crude, short-tempered and fiercely protective of those he cares about.

    -Olvanka, lady knight of a neighboring kingdom; dutiful and brave, but willing to disobey orders if it means doing the right thing.

    -Jean-Luc, thief from the fairy-tale city of Galimond; jaded but kind, he dislikes the privileged classes.

    -Siobhan, youngest witch of her coven; sharply intelligent and immensely mischievous, she enjoys a bit of chaos.

    -Xen, special investigator and martial arts expert; he has a firm belief in justice and upholding the law

    -Mira, priestess of Amora, goddess of mercy; gentle and compassionate, she has lived a sheltered life.

    Tone: aiming for something like Legend of Zelda meets Discworld.
  20. defunct-user
    #360 Source
    I really, really like that plot! Sorry, no critique from me. That sounds like it'll be an amazing game!