Plot and Character Feedback

Well Technically It is for Any game in general, Speaking about how Its story would impact the way the player plays. And how they actually Realize their choices do  something significant in the game. Though I am Asking what people think of this type of story in a game, Sure I Added some detail  of a specific game in the making, But what I mean to speak about is about how a story affects a game and how it plays.. 

Not totally convinced, but we'll see how it evolves.

I have a problem with the coherence of your fundamental premis, thiugh. You say that you can go round enslaving the world, murdering people etc., and still be good inside. Nope. Ethically, philosophically etc. That is incoherent. Godd people can make mistakes, they can choose actions which have disastrous consequences. But knowingly to choose evil actions destroys your goodness. Murder a few people, and you are not the good person you were. You may be overcome by conscience and remorse, in which case, if it is real you will seek to put things right etc. You won't just carry on and enslave the next town.

So unless you are going to be using these terms in a unique way, your story becomes incoherent. And ifnyou are using language that way, you face the problem of using a private language in a public space.

What if it is an internal conflict, As if you dont have the best control of your emotions, which can lead to rash decisions, like Making you capable to kill yet still be a good person, Its an internal conflict of doing whats right or wrong but on a much greater level, The main Idea here is saying even though you killed a town, you can still do something good like save the world from being enslaved for whatever reason of you like dont like the main villian , yet this doesnt necessarily make you a good person, Its saying how even the evilest can be the nicest. But it can be the same way for a good person, you can save a town, and help so many people yet still enslave the world or kill for selfish reasons, And the desire for power, Or how you can be a good person yet still kill someone in anger and let your emotions run you, OR be evil yet feel the need to protect someone with your life even though you just murdred like 50 people. You get what Im saying, The way this would work in a game is you start off doing an evil or great deed, leading you on a different path, But on those paths you are given the choices to do evil things and good things, and each choice effects the game. For example you are on the good path but you kill your allie for the sole reason of he is weak and not helpful, and that effects you in a way where you just lost a character, that character is gone and they arent coming back. Or for example if your on the evil path, yet you save a kid from some evil cause you see a lot of you in him, and you decide to train and protect this kid, But you can still kill that next town cause you were over come by a evil within that controls you(Ik you said not to be specific, but like if this MC Is the incarnation of 3 heros and a villian, yet the villian isnt dead, but just sealed in you, him awakening inside you could cause you to murder people, making it an internal conflict of fighting off the evil within, or becoming one with it. so staying good or becoming evil, so its like with each choice you are faced with doing the evil thing or the good thing. and this awakening could be summoned by his emotions, like as if he is enraged and he wants to kill a whole town cause he found his mentor laying in the street dead yet you have the choice of killing or not because of those 3 heros within you, giving you the qualitys of a hero)

Again there is incoherence here:

A good person could not enslave the world or kill for selfish reasons because by doing so, that person would cease to be good.  They would be a selfish murderer, a selfish tyrant.  You cannot simply tack the word "good" on to a person's description and then give them actions and attributes which are entirely the opposite.

By all means have a deeply conflicted character who is morally ambiguous.  That could make an interesting story, but I think using the device of split personalities (which in essence is what you are proposing) actually works against that.  People are not made up of separate bits which just happen to be forced into a single body.  We can have deeply conflicting and confused desires/wants/needs/ambitions/hopes/fears - you name it and we can be confused about it.  But the point is that they are all part of who we are as an individual.  They are not alien bits inside us.  Compare what you said about the villain sealed inside you, making you do things, with someone who has committed a murder and then claims it was because the voice inside their head told them to do it.  Do you think that such a character makes for a convincing hero for your game? 

I think that as game developers we rarely give the issues of the goodness and evilness of our protagonists much thought.  Our heroes go out, slaughtering whatever gets in their way, stealing from everyone's houses, without much reflection.  In my game The Tale of a Common Man, a central theme of the story was how will the protagonist get revenge on the man who killed his wife and child without ceasing to be the man his wife loved?  How will he avoid becoming morally no better than the antagonist?  Obviously I'm biased about how well I pulled it off, but the feedback from players has been positive about the way it was done.  My point here, though, is that goodness and badness is often not treated seriously enough, and here I am including games with 'morality' systems.  I have yet to find one which I didn't consider simplistic in its mechanics and choices.

So I was talking with a friend and I though of this.

So Lets go by what you said, that the character is not bits of others and is its own person, But this character is unstable due to the fact of his "genes" aka the 4 souls or spirits. Thus causing him to habe the internal conflict between doing the rigjt thing and the wrong, etc for example lets say the MC has befriended a lot if people in a town, And his mentor is there teaching hom to use the powers of a hero. But one day he goes there at night to find hus mentor being brutally mirderes by the storys main antagonist as the towns people watch in fear, helpless. Then as the antagonist sees the MC He says some stuff, Some dialog happens or he senses you have a geeater purpose, and he leaves. the MC is full of anger as he looks apon the dead body of his mentor, He looks at the towns people and blames them for his death as they did nothing but watch... Now here is where a choice comes in, this could be what we call the intro to the evil side or the good side, you have the option to go out in a fit of rage and murder the people Out of anger as you blame them. Or just.. Leave, leave in sadness and anger ans you control yourself. But if you chose to leave, you get abother choice, what you call your "second chance to the path" one that you dont get with the evil choice as once you mess up its too late but you can always do good then mess up. This choice is to leave the people to die at the hands or that villian as you hear there screams or go back and help them in a selfless act even though your hatred for them is there... Get where i am going with it, with this I created 2 paths

Now leading on to a evil path with still the abilty the abilty to do good, even though you are now though of as evil

Evil /

------

Good\

Now you have two choices, let them suffer and let them die cause your mad(while still being thougj of as a good guy)

Or go back and save them and do the good thing.

Is that any better, So like the good choice on the evil path is still done with an evil additude or evil intention while still having a positive effect on the NPC or world or what ever

While the evil choice on the good side is done while still being portrait as good, but the effect is a negative one.

These are dilemmas which could be faced by anyone; it does not require there to be 4 'genes' aka 4 souls.  And indeed such a device could end up trivializing the choices of good/evil, because the protagonist could say "not me, not my fault, it's all the fault of those 4 souls".  (I'm also wondering about your plot to get those 4 souls inside the protagonist, but that's a separate issue.)

I am not going to give detailed feedback on all this, because as I said in my first post, this thread is not about providing detailed feedback on an individual story, but on general principles.

Because of your desire for such detailed feedback, I shall be merging this with Plot and Character Feedback, which is a place precisely for this sort of discussion and feedback.

So i have an idea for a game.. but that will only be an idea because i can't make it!

Title: Memory

Gameplay: Detective Style, Story based game where you play as a spirit that does not remember who he is and going through his memories he tries to piece it all together. (Modern Day)

Story: Game starts with the main character pleasing not to be killed, but he gets a reply from a killer: -A day too late... And then he gets shot and dies. With no remembarance about his life he can't be freed so the main character as the spirit travels through different time's of his life to try to piece the details about himself. As more of the game goes he realizes that he was a psychotic doctor who kills or does not accept his patient's and many of the game is that the spirit see's some parts of that killing and betrayal.. and then it comes to the last memory of the day he gets killed and main character choose's not to view it (Normal Ending) But if the player collects all the clues in game at the end he choose's to see that scene.. and it is that a father comes with aa 6 year old girl that is really sick and ask for help... And the main character by trying to redeem him self gives that help, but when he does he learns that the father is send to kill him and he begs for mercy....(Start of the game)

So that is the story.. I could go in detailed, but i will not for now. The point is i want to see this game come to life, but there is no way i can make it... so i acctually am asking for someone to... I know thats a lot to taake in, but i beg you all to realise this :)

Is it possible for this too have its own topic somewhere, Id rather not have it all clustered like this?

also the 4 soul thing is explained in the intro, The heros seal the main villian yet are forced to use their life, and it all merges into a crystal like thing aka another demension, and one day you are formed  and released from the crystal

Also The way the 4 soul thing would work, is with each choice, and as your emotions rise, it unleashes basically someone who isnt you. its your body but for example for the evil, your eyes go blank white and you go out in rage and kill em for example. and you gain a power you never had before in rage but with out control, and this is because of the villian as he is still within you, but with the heros it is different, You can think clearer, you will gain a different power, and by each major event you basically learn a new skill, depending on what you choose. Where infact these skills would either be for darkness or light. Though the way you talk and act is based on who is "in control" the thing is at first you have very little control, meaning you aren't in control when you do evil things, But if you continue with the evil thing, you kinda become one with it and learn to use it, same with the good.

Btw dude, Im pretty sure you could do it, Rpg maker is pretty easy to use.

@Danito

The only way this can have a thread of its own is if you make an Early Project thread - but as far as I can see you are nowhere near ready for that.  There are no other threads for plot feedback.  That is what this thread is for.  All your points are far too specific for a General Discussion topic, which by definition has to be about principles which could apply to more than one game.  You want detailed feedback on many aspects of your story for your game - therefore it belongs here.

Damn... Well about what I saaid, does it make sense, Or do you have any suggestion of how the 4 souls would control his actions, cause Im all over the place lol.

@Danito

What if you make these souls more like advisors instead? In critical points of the game they will suggest different things and it's for the player (aka main char) to decide whom to listen.

And when a player makes decision in favor to one of the "souls", he will give this soul some power. So the more "evil" decisions you make, more powerful demon soul becomes, and after "good" decisions hero souls become stronger. And in the end of the game there is a battle (in main char mind or some extra dimension) where heroes battle demon. So even if in the end you technically can choose any side, it will be very hard battle if you made a lot of bad decisions and choose to be a good guy in the end (and vice versa).

interesting, though it wouldnt really work, though the adviser idea I could use, It would be more or so just voices in his head.

@LoopHunter

This is my first post, so I hope I'm doing it right :D

I am making an RPG game, with a mix of fantasy in modern world. I started with the mythology of the world in my game, here it is:

"In the beginning, the Goddess Atra created the mortal world. She assigned her daughter, Frey, as its protector and ruler. Thymos, her son, asked her to create another realm where he can be its ruler, but Atra refused. She believe that Thymos is not worthy enough for such task. Knowing that her mother never acknowledge his capabilty, he let his hatred eat his soul. Both Atra's children can summon powerful beasts made from their blood, but at the cost of their lives, that's why they are forbidden to do it.

For a long time Thymos carried his hatred towards his mother and his sister. Until one day, he decided to kill his mother. With Atra dead, Thymos knew that he will never become a ruler. Filled with hatred, he vowed to kill his sister and destroy the mortal world. That is when the "Cataclysm" happened. Thymos made ancient beasts from his own blood and unleashed them on the surface of the world, but Frey fought back. She summoned beasts even powerful than Thymos and the two siblings fought. In the end, Frey defeated Thymos. Thymos swore to take revenge and resurrect in time to unleash another calamity in the mortal world before he vanished, but Frey swore that when that time comes, she will return to the mortal world to protect it once again. The world is ruined. Using Frey's remaining strength, she renewed the world, giving it a new life, and then she vanished.

The remnants of the ancient beasts scattered around the mortal world and continue to exist up to the present time. It is said that some seers possess powers to summon these beasts from its remnants to bestow great power to human. As the legend says, both Frey and Thymos vanished from the mortal world, but there are some who believe that their remnants is here, hidden, and waiting to be resurrected. The seers know this, but never seek them to avoid another 'Cataclysm'."

I am starting to make a story that involves this myth. So what do you think?

Feel free to correct the grammar and I will greatly appreciate any help to improve the sentences :)

Another idea that is currently in the making. I have the demo!!! Link will be lower in the text :)

Title: Adventure Of The Motherer 2 (2 is a joke in-game)

Story: Game starts with the philosopher line and the main character hates it, so he goes to narrator to rant about it, but narrator knows something and teleports MF to a random place in the map there Main character needs to press every single tile to proggress FIRST ROCKS, And Then TREES. so when you press on the correct tree he founds Catlisa (His Love Interest and porn lover) They start talking and she menttiones acient artifact called: The Legendary Dick!!! Mf believes that, but then the bad guys(I dont want to spoil who) that also want it, come and attack MF And the first Running starts (Gameplay of this game is Demi-Rage) After that he goes to narrators library and finds the book with more clues, but narrator gets captured and only Mf and SOMEONE (Not spoiling) can help him. Mf goes to that guy and he has a clue to find the Artifact. Bad guys try to steal it, but one of the bad guys are good and is left to death. But Mf And That SOMEONE find him and SPOILER.

That is how much is done. It may look short but acctually its 4 chapters i think. And 1 chapter is about hour long so ther is some lenght.. The full game should have 12!!!

But i am stuck at one part because i dont have an idea of what to do... So here is the link: http://www.mediafire.com/download/qxn6enfsrgfnmbz/M%2Ath%2ArF%2Ack%2Ar+2+Demo+DELUXE+EDITION.rar

Try to think of something and how should i do it next because i really need help at that part!

Thanks for the help in advanced! XO

This is the idea for a game I started in the Ren'Py program as a Visual Novel, but the lack of a large audience in VNs turned me away from it. I'd like to revamp it if possible, but I would love some feedback about the story and the characters.

Plot Synopsis:

Characters:

Kat:

Leo:

Julie:

I understand that it's recommend that I be careful with games involving religion and/or politics, but I feel like this story is pretty laidback in those terms. Nothing too extreme in my opinion, though I'm rarely phased by the subject matter discussed so maybe that's just me. If I was going to do this game, it would still have player interaction, but it would be scaled down significantly from a standard RPG, and progression in the game would be made with various choices that all affect the ending in several different ways. Overall, I feel like this could be a cute, fun game and I'd love any feedback on the plot/characters and where I could expand on them (or if I even should).

The Alchemist

I have been working on a game about an apprentice alchemist. The story is a slightly dark fantasy setting.

The main character is a young alchemist who is largely ignorant of the world other than what he has read in books or was told by his master. The story starts on the day he departs from his master to seek further training from the Alchemist's Guild.

A militant order of religious zealots has displaced and killed many magic-users (mages for lack of better term at this point). As there are no magical institutions due to these militants alchemists have largely replaced mages in society. The Alchemist's Guild provides work for alchemists and protects them from persecution. Alchemists are contracted as apothecaries, weapon makers, and researchers by general society and are often employed by adventurers who need to fill a support role. Alchemists are often found as advisers to nobility as they are well trained by the Alchemist's Guild in many political and martial subjects.

The main character needs to prove himself trustworthy of the Alchemist's Guild in order to join.

The majority of the game is made up of multi-part side quests that interlock with one another as the player advances in the Alchemist's Guild. The idea is that the main character is not the hero in an epic, but rather a normal human trying to make something of himself.

I have the basic outline of what will happen as the story advances, general points on the map, but I do not know how to add flavor on the way between these points. I would appreciate some feedback on what I have written and any ideas for how the character can prove his worth to the Alchemist's Guild without having a mess of 'get this ingredient' or 'make this potion' quests.

The main character learns that the world is a dark place, most of the Guild alchemists have a plot or two brewing, and that alchemists cannot save everyone. As the story progresses the player is given many choices that will effect the character and his view of the world. In the end no one can leave the world innocent, no matter what path they take.

I was inspired by The Wheel of Time book series for its concept of world building and the militant order is heavily based on The Children of Light (I actually am using that name for them right now). I also drew inspiration from Dwarf Fortress for its idea of a living fantasy world, that is what I want to make, just on a smaller level.

If you would like I can send you a copy of my game design document and a link to my website as well. I would greatly appreciate any feedback on what I can improve in the story and any ideas that could make a story of an alchemist interesting. Thank you for reading.

So I need some insight into my plot, it hasn't been implemented yet (as I am doing a lot of mapping first, as then I like to fill out big sections at a time with quests etc.)

Origins of (Main Character name)

This isn't finished at all and is a brief overview, this doesn't reflect the in game writing or story telling, more the etchings of someone with an idea!

So my plot is:

I hope I'm posting this in the right place...

After a night with friends that can’t be remembered, chalked up to drinking to much. Zoey must face the slow rises in dangers around her as she delves deeper into madness with each passing day. Can she figure out what’s happening before she loses it completely?

The choices Zoey makes will affect the outcome of the story, and if it’s even possible to figure out the truth behind the horrors she experiences.

Not giving too much info on the game itself or it’s characters as that’s going to be part of the gaming experience. It will be a mix of comedy/horror esk type game, or that’s the goal anyways. This is the first game ever made by me and I’m still learning RPG Maker MV so it's debatable if it'll be good >.>.

But it will have in depth characters, it'll have tragic moments, people will die and surprises/shocks will be there for the player to experience.

Does this:

A ) Sound interesting to anyone?

B ) Does anyone have a title suggestion for it? Right now the work in progress title is 'A Horrific Trip' but I'm really not happy with it.

I realize I didn't give a lot of info on the plot and characters, but I'm hoping that what is there might peek some peoples curiosities? Any constructive feedback will be greatly appreciated thank you!

@ super shy gamer girl - sounds like it could be a nice little game.  I'd play it.  I agree that "A Horrific Trip" isn't too great of a title.  Hard for me to come up with a suggestion though.  Even something as simple as "Blackout" would be better, I think.  Ultimately, since you know the secrets and mysteries of your game, I think you'd have to come up with ideas that would work, and we could give you feedback and which ones we liked better.  

btw, welcome to the forums :)

@super shy gamer girl

Horror comedy will be a hard one to pull off, but awesome if done well (as they are near enough polar opposites in terms of genre for games) 

I'd say firstly try make certain parts of your game adhere to one or the other, don't break a suspense moment with something comedic (unless you find a way that it fits)

and possibly (just an idea from the top of my head with what info you've given):

Zoey's Mind: The Madness Within