Plot and Character Feedback

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Started by Lunarea 1231 posts Page 16 of 62 View original ↗
  1. You are the newly appointed Magarch at a run down and dying mages guild. In a last desperate attempt to gain prestige, a small mages guild has appointed you, a ‘non mage, ick’ to being the leader of the guild. It is your job to grow the mage guild in every way, from increasing the number of mages living there, to making it financially viable!

    • Increase the prestige of your guild by completing missions
    • Add new mages to your guild through various means
    • Different mages in your guild will not only be better served for various missions, but will also unlock new guild level abilities, like crafting.
    • Build your guild brick by brick, add rooms, upgrade them, and furnish them. Be the biggest tower on the block!
    • Each mage you get will have random skills and aptitudes. Combine them into teams that can tackle wide varieties of missions
    • Assign missions to your teams of mages efficiently to best grow the guild
    • Loot chests from monsters with random powerful or unique items inside!
    • Make the most prosperous and powerful guild in the land!
    Magocracy is a mostly sandbox game about developing a guild of mages, though there is a tenuous main plot you can persue as you like. Random events, random mages with random skills allows for many different playthroughs, no two of which will be at all the same.
  2. Yes, actually, that does sound fun. I like that idea.
  3. Merged topic with Plot & Idea feedback, please don't create your own thread for this, thank you.
  4. Any ideas on mine? I want to hear an opinion on this as I want to start this before summer break :)


    Sent from my Nexus 7 using Tapatalk 4 Beta
  5. Tsumeshi said:
    Any ideas on mine? I want to hear an opinion on this as I want to start this before summer break :)
    Sounds alright, though, nothing spectacular. But if you have good ideas for the game, then go for it.
  6. Tsumeshi, looks like a realized opening for a plot.

    You could do with expanding on some of the problems that the protagonist will be facing in the setting.  The sequence of events will need to be ordered out to come to the protagonist over coming a conflict that will provide them the opportunity to become a person of worth to somebody. 

    The eventual things that will need to be explained as you expand on the plot will be largely up to you, but I suggest going with, "Who can this character help?  Is being lazy his only foil, or does he have other detracting traits that complicate his possible heroic qualities?"

    So write up a bit more, try to provide yourself with a single, simple scenario that will test the protagonists resolve to heroism, or laziness.  Like... a maiden in distress, from giant toads or something.  That throw bananas, and want to cook her, to sacrifice to the coconut god.
  7. Ok.! Thanks


    Sent from my Nexus 7 using Tapatalk 4 Beta
  8. Tsumeshi said:
    Well, I was thinking of a plot, so here it is -

    Spoiler
    You're a mercanary. You help people with jobs, but... not very well. You're known in the town you live as being very carefree, goofy

    and lazy. So you don't get much job requests (if any), so therefore, you don't have much silver to spend.

    One day, you are assigned a mission to help transport food over from the cargo planes.

    Sadly, you screw up. While you are transporting the town's beer and food supply, you are messing around, and then you trip over

    a tree stump. The crates you are carrying fly into the river, their contents spilling out. As a result, when the townspeople hear of this,

    they drive you out of the village. You are taken on a boat to a new land. You must explore this land. Prove your worth.

    And eventually become... a hero.
    Spoiler
    Well, this is my current plan. Does anyone like it? :3
    Honestly, doesn't seem that engaging. What are going to be the major themes for the story? Are they being expressed through this introduction? Also, story-telling wise, how are you going to communicate to the player that they are controlling a carefree, boofy, and lazy person? Generally when people play games like this they want the main character to reflect them, so you would need to be careful in how you 'force' this character onto them.

    Also, as a origin story goes it's hard to get behind. I think including details on why this whole ordeal has caused him to no LONGER be those traits he started with, or how he manages to be a hero while having them, would be rather important. Maybe in your game the primary stat is 'luck' to represent a divine guiding hand, or maybe he is fused with a powerful spirit that empowers him and forces him onward to heroic goals. As it is, I wouldn't be super excited to play a lazy goof. I'm that in real life as it is!
  9. Zechnophobe, thank you for your feedback. I'll edit the prologue, then come out with another version. :)


    Sent from my Nexus 7 using Tapatalk 4 Beta
  10. NOTE: The names may change over time. The title of it is bound to change (please post if you have an idea on a name). (RPG Maker VX ACE) This is also early days of the project so it is not 100% thought out yet.

    Positive criticism is encouraged so that I can improve this project.

    Noble is a game that is an RPG/Strategy. It takes place in a medieval fantasy realm. While you are one person (Lord or Lady) you are in charge of your now dead father's land. You have to build it up and make decisions. If you ever get tired of ruling the land you can get your adviser to take over the land while you explore, quest or go on military campaigns.

    STORY

    When trying to explain the story I found I really couldn't. While there is a main story in the background it really doesn't affect you for a while in the beginning of the game. There other stories that will affect you more and are more prominent. Some examples of these stories are:

    • being invaded by wood elves want revenge on you.
    • a private war between you and a rival house.
    • Rescue a friends sister from a magic cult
    While all this is happening as you work your way through these stories the main story will progress as trouble brews in the capital/seat of the king. 

    FEATURES

     - You are able to explore many areas the largest area is the blood isles. It is a series of islands that run up and down the coast. However these islands are uncharted because very few make it back alive from those islands.

     - In combat your soldiers can permanently die. While the characters wont die (even though they can get injured and you wont be able to use them for a while) the common soldiers can die (usually at 25% chance if they hit 0 health) this will lower your population by that one person so you will have to train a new soldier.

     - As your population grows you can get more soldiers you can have 20% of the population as soldiers although you can only have half of that travelling with you. Also as your population grows you will need to feed them hence you will need to upgrade your farms, hunting lodges and fishing huts.

     - Multiple ways to solve a problem an example is with the elven invasion. While you can kill them that is not the best way to do it. There are a ton of better ways to resolve it.

     - I have also got a relation system. If you be nice to people they will be good to you if not they may try to put a knife in your back.

    CHARACTERS

    Main Character:

    Name: Player assigned

    Gender: Player assigned

    Age: 21

    Description: The player character is the first and only child of the late Lord Arthur Blake. Their mother died during child birth as was predicted by a seer. They have the blue hair trade mark of the house and the colour is reflected in the houses colours. The blue hair will always be for any child of the house of Blake. (Unsure why)

    Inexperienced they have to face the challenges of being lord at an early age and facing the fact that they could be the last of the House of Blake. The character wants to do good be faces many enemies Monster and Mortal alike.

    Name: Seth

    Gender: Male

    Age: early 40s

    Description: He is a veteran with the guards and has served your family for as long as you can remember. He is the most loyal friend of the main character. He would sooner die than betray you or your family. He is also your military adviser and trainer.

    Name: Elisa

    Gender: Female

    Age: 23

    Description: Your political and economic adviser. While she is young for her position she is very good at her job. She will advise you on the political and economic areas. She informs you of the state of the treasury and how happy the people are. If needed she can run the land while you are away (This will stop all population growth). This will also have nothing bad happen nor will anything good happen.

    Personality wise she is usually happy and upbeat, although she does have a habit of getting off topic when you talk to her. Her only family is an adopted sister. She came into the family when her father was investigating a series of killings in a town and after killing the culprit this young girl appeared and he took her into the family.

    Name: Miziku

    Gender: Female

    Age: 19

    Description: She is a simple servant that grew up with 7 brothers...honest

    Spoiler
    Well that's what she tells you. She is a former assassin fleeing the death penalty for failing to kill her mark. She found sanctuary with your family and has never left. She will not hesitate to kill someone who is threatening to kill you or your family.
    More characters will be made as I progress because there are the leaders of all the other factions

    P.S. I am in need of someone who can do sprites to the standard of what the game provides so if you can do this or know someone please send me a pm. If you can do animated battlers even better.
  11. Good concept.

    I like the assasin in disguise in the family plot. You could make some fun scene with her. Like the contrast between her 'true' self (the assasin) and her 'new' self (servant in your family). She also might save the main hero without hero realizing it many times. Until one day the hero found out.

    Although that development concept is good. You might need to script/find scripter to create that concept. Since it will be hard to made. (Or real complex eventing could do the trick too)...
  12. I have the scripts for everything except building upgrades. For that I have eventing (such a pain)
  13. So I recently have decided to attend Full Sail University for online courses in game design. I should be enrolled today and start classes next month, and I figured I probably can't use any of my previous games which fan games based on other games I love (Final Fantasy, Ragnarok Online, Majesty) as material for copyright reasons. I need to come up with a completely original idea.

    So I thought about what I wanted in the game.

    Two kingdoms, two parties, chapter-mission based story flow. Each king issues missions in each chapter to each party and as they complete them, they learn more about the world and discover what the true motives are behind each kingdom. The two kingdoms are preparing for war against each other with dishonest premonitions about each other and how each of these two parties eventually meet and work together to try and stop the war. Lorventa's magic has started declining and suspect Valendor is breaking the accepted treaty of Thaldra, whereas Valendor suspects Lorventa has already broken the treaty and that's why they're in decline, and is afraid Lorventa will try to control Thaldra to bring their kingdom back to prosperity despite the consequences on the rest of the world. Thaldra is the island in the sea that separates the two kingdoms and is the source of all magic in the world.

    Theme: Seeing truths in the midst of deceit, staying true to what's right, overcoming adversity against all obstacles and never giving up hope

    Style: Dramatic, hopeful                                                                                                  

    Technology: Medieval fantasy

    Magic level: High

    Major locations: Valendor (The red kingdom of the first party), Lorventa (The blue kingdom of the second party), Thaldra (The central neutral lands that contains the source of all magic)

    Major powers: King Leon of Valendor (The red king who has a hard time trusting others and will always put his kingdom first before anything else), Queen Adelaide (The blue queen who feels guilty about her kingdom's magic being in decline and blames her self thinking its poor judgment and decisions of ruling that has caused this suffering for her people, desperately wants to redeem herself), sages of the island of Thaldra (Ancient protectors of the source of magic, neutral and do not take sides of either kingdom)

    Major aspects: Without Thaldra being in balance, the world may lose magic forever which may do much more than just remove spells casted by humans

    I love typical old-school cliche but epic RPGs that still have you say "whoa, didn't see that coming at all!" in the story which I love coming up with. I also love familiar classes and gameplay (sideview ATB gauge battle system), but I'm having a hard time of what I want party B to be. I want party A to have a two-handed sword knight, a healer, a mage, and a thief while party B has a sword and shield crusader, archer, monk, and... I'm not sure what the 4th should be. A summoner? A bard? A spellsword? It certainly needs some sort of magic, but I do want the healing to be split between the crusader and monk.

    I will put a heavy emphasis on character personalities and growth, so you can enjoy watching them progress in each of their interactions.

    What do you guys think so far?
  14. Merged with Plot & Character feedback, please don't make individual threads about your storyline.
  15. Kezza921 said:
    NOTE: The names may change over time. The title of it is bound to change (please post if you have an idea on a name). (RPG Maker VX ACE) This is also early days of the project so it is not 100% thought out yet.

    Positive criticism is encouraged so that I can improve this project.

    Noble is a game that is an RPG/Strategy. It takes place in a medieval fantasy realm. While you are one person (Lord or Lady) you are in charge of your now dead father's land. You have to build it up and make decisions. If you ever get tired of ruling the land you can get your adviser to take over the land while you explore, quest or go on military campaigns.

    STORY

    When trying to explain the story I found I really couldn't. While there is a main story in the background it really doesn't affect you for a while in the beginning of the game. There other stories that will affect you more and are more prominent. Some examples of these stories are:

    • being invaded by wood elves want revenge on you.
    • a private war between you and a rival house.
    • Rescue a friends sister from a magic cult
    While all this is happening as you work your way through these stories the main story will progress as trouble brews in the capital/seat of the king. 

    FEATURES

     - You are able to explore many areas the largest area is the blood isles. It is a series of islands that run up and down the coast. However these islands are uncharted because very few make it back alive from those islands.

     - In combat your soldiers can permanently die. While the characters wont die (even though they can get injured and you wont be able to use them for a while) the common soldiers can die (usually at 25% chance if they hit 0 health) this will lower your population by that one person so you will have to train a new soldier.

     - As your population grows you can get more soldiers you can have 20% of the population as soldiers although you can only have half of that travelling with you. Also as your population grows you will need to feed them hence you will need to upgrade your farms, hunting lodges and fishing huts.

     - Multiple ways to solve a problem an example is with the elven invasion. While you can kill them that is not the best way to do it. There are a ton of better ways to resolve it.

     - I have also got a relation system. If you be nice to people they will be good to you if not they may try to put a knife in your back.

    CHARACTERS

    Main Character:

    Name: Player assigned

    Gender: Player assigned

    Age: 21

    Description: The player character is the first and only child of the late Lord Arthur Blake. Their mother died during child birth as was predicted by a seer. They have the blue hair trade mark of the house and the colour is reflected in the houses colours. The blue hair will always be for any child of the house of Blake. (Unsure why)

    Inexperienced they have to face the challenges of being lord at an early age and facing the fact that they could be the last of the House of Blake. The character wants to do good be faces many enemies Monster and Mortal alike.

    Name: Seth

    Gender: Male

    Age: early 40s

    Description: He is a veteran with the guards and has served your family for as long as you can remember. He is the most loyal friend of the main character. He would sooner die than betray you or your family. He is also your military adviser and trainer.

    Name: Elisa

    Gender: Female

    Age: 23

    Description: Your political and economic adviser. While she is young for her position she is very good at her job. She will advise you on the political and economic areas. She informs you of the state of the treasury and how happy the people are. If needed she can run the land while you are away (This will stop all population growth). This will also have nothing bad happen nor will anything good happen.

    Personality wise she is usually happy and upbeat, although she does have a habit of getting off topic when you talk to her. Her only family is an adopted sister. She came into the family when her father was investigating a series of killings in a town and after killing the culprit this young girl appeared and he took her into the family.

    Name: Miziku

    Gender: Female

    Age: 19

    Description: She is a simple servant that grew up with 7 brothers...honest

    Spoiler
    Well that's what she tells you. She is a former assassin fleeing the death penalty for failing to kill her mark. She found sanctuary with your family and has never left. She will not hesitate to kill someone who is threatening to kill you or your family.
    Spoiler
    More characters will be made as I progress because there are the leaders of all the other factions

    P.S. I am in need of someone who can do sprites to the standard of what the game provides so if you can do this or know someone please send me a pm. If you can do animated battlers even better.
    Too many female characters.
  16. @Solomon

    Thanks for the feedback and I do have a few male charcters lined up.
  17. On the "killing main characters" subject:

    One of the most famous scenes in all of gaming was produced through the death of a character. (Looking at you, Final Fantasy)

    If you can combine a legitimate fondness developed with this character and the element of surprise, you're going to be able to create a ton of emotional response. Please kill your characters wisely.

    EDIT: Just realized i somehow posted this in the wrong thread... supposed to be in the "what are you working on" thread. If it can be moved or deleted, I'd thank ye kindly.
  18. Hey everyone. This is the first time I've asked for feedback on any of my story musings, but I figured what better a group of people to ask than fellow RPG Maker users. Well, I don't know what else to say so I'll just get into it.

    Plot:

         In late 2013 a mysterious virus rampaged throughout the planet, turning those infected into walking corpses intent with the sole goal of consuming all life. Five years later, as humanity was at the brink of extinction the true culprit of the viral outbreak stepped into the global scene. As humanity fought back from the brink, demonic rifts began appearing throughout the planet, unleashing innumerable hoards into the mortal plane. With no possible way of achieving victory in sight, humanity retreated underground. It is at this time the legendary Knights Templar revealed their presence to the world, and for the first time in history exposed what they had kept sealed away inside the fabled Ark of the Covenant. The Ark of the Covenant's contents was a well of purest light, unwavering and inextinguishable. Armor, when exposed to the light became imbued with mystical properties which greatly weakened the attacks and influences of the demons presence. Weapons, when exposed, gained the power to impregnate the demons impenetrable shields. This divine gift gave humanity the edge it needed to level the fields of war, and after twenty years of hiding, humanity began to reclaim lost territories on the surface. For the first time since creation began, the demons had finally met their equal, thus began the War of Eternium.

         Thirty years since the first reports of the undead surfaced, humanity reclaimed several small territories, which have became central hubs, military bases, and supply stations in humanities march to reclaim the world they lost. Historian Jacob Thenner travels throughout the currently human controlled sections of the world in an attempt to get a living record of the war so that future generations may better protect themselves from the lessons learned by their ancestors.

    Characters:

         Knights:

             

              The Knights Templar have been preparing for the day when the demons would come to our world for centuries. Through steadfast, rigorous training and discipline, these devout followers of the Light were prepared when the invasion began and quickly mustered their forces the moment the first Demonic Rift opened up in the mortal plane. Believing the best way to truly exercise a demon from the mortal world is to strike them down with the righteous fury of their own hand, these individuals prefer the use of melee weapons and heavy armors over more modern and conventional means. These holy warriors stand in the front line of any battle, never wavering, never giving up the fight even unto death, and will gladly sacrifice themselves for their allies or the greater good.

         Engineers:

              The Engineers are master manipulators of their environment. In the early days of the invasion, it was the Engineers, with tools blessed by the Holy Light that constructed and retrofitted the underground tunnels, sewer systems and railways with metals blessed by the Light to create fortifications that would destroy any demon that touched it's walls. Since then, Engineers have been seen most commonly behind the front lines of battle, repairing and enhancing their allies equipment with Holy Light for various purposes, whether it be to heal wounds, offer protection, or to simply repair broken equipment. Engineers have also become the only ones capable over the years of dissecting small amounts of the Holy Light to transport from outpost to outpost so that each base would have a means of creating new equipment blessed with the Light. Engineers, when in a hub are often found selling merchandise for scrap that they can enchant with holy properties to further their trade.

         Soldiers:

              Soldiers are people with military training and specialize in the use of ranged weaponry, such as the AR-17b, the M14a6 Semi-Auto, and various other rifles, sub-machine guns, handguns, ect.. The Soldier is an expert in tactical assessment and battlefield operations. Always in the rear of any battle, they offer superb fire support for their allies, and they host a variety of explosive devices to suit any situation. The Soldier is extremely devastating on the battlefield even by him/herself, capable of destroying waves of enemies so long as the ammo holds out.

         Diabloists:

              The Diabloist is, by all rights, the opposite of the Knights Templar. During the early days of the invasion, these people offered their souls to the demonic forces in exchange of incredible powers. After seeing the devastation the demons wrought however, they lamented their decision and turned themselves over to the Authority of the Knights Templar. There, they used the power of the Holy Light to reclaim their souls, although their powers remained. As such with conflicting interests, most Diabloists have an inner battle constantly being waged inside of them, and so most of the Diabloists that people encounter are on the verge of mad. None the less, when the time comes, they know exactly how to, and to whom, use their demonic powers against, making them very capable support fighters and allies.

    Player Characters:

         Waylan Jenners:

              Waylan was born sometime during the early years of the undead plague. Though it is uncertain what age he actually is, most speculate his age to be between thirty-three and fourty-five, although now he has the look of a man who is encroaching upon his late sixties. In his late twenties though, Waylan was inducted into the Knights Templar and quickly made a name for himself. Being someone who grew up in this world, he has little fear of the undead or the demonic forces that inhabit this world. His preferred equipment is what the elders, the ones alive before the war, would call "Sword and Board", preferring a melee weapon and a shield over ranged combat, like most Knights Templar, though he is no stranger to two-handed weaponry.

         Liam Elison:

              Liam is only twenty-three years old, but has shown a strong fondness and exceptional skill with ranged weaponry. At the age of fifteen he enlisted in the military to combat the demons after his home station had been overran. After only a few shorts years, Liam made the top of his class as an expert marksman, being the most proficient in the Sniper Rifle classification of weaponry, though he never goes anywhere without his dual Bolters strapped to his legs, though he claims he has never once had an occasion arise where their use was needed. Born with a disease that severely compromises his immune system, Liam is always seen with a pair of gloves on and a Global Air System mask, or Gas Mask for short on. With most foods and water being contaminated, Liam had a medical specialist create a serum which he must inject into himself daily to substitute the vitamins and minerals his body needs to stay healthy.

         Jessica Dobster:

             Jessica, in reality is nearly sixty years old, although she doesn't look a day over thirty. That is because when the invasion happened, she sacrificed her soul for the powers of the demons, and the process of restoring her soul back to her with the aid of the Knights Templar somehow stopped her body from aging normally. She still ages, however she does so at a much slower pace than other humans. She considers this curse a gift however, allowing her to keep a working body for longer as an elderly body could not handle the strain the powers of the demons put on them. She is often seen talking to nobody, but if you were to ask her who she was conversing with, she would tell you that it is her brother.

         Mack Wierzbeski:

               Mack spent his formative years during the undead epidemic, where he developed an affinity for the way machines worked by watching automatic turrets lay waste to hoards of undead. From then on Mack has dedicated his whole life to engineering and making things better than they can be. He is a happy-go-lucky kind of guy, which most fine unnerving in the world in which they live. None the less, Mack doesn't let things get to him too much. So long as he has his tools besides him and some new sort of  gismo in his hands, he is content. Mack is responsible for the creation of the "Shielder", a portable hand tool which when aimed at something, puts a shield of Holy Light around the target. His invention has helped turn the tide of many different battles, and he eagerly strives for his next great invention.

    Genre: Horror, Strategy

    Inspirations: World War Z(The Book), Hellgate: London, The Last of Us, Resident Evil 1 & 2, Final Fantasy(Because I am using a SBS)

    ------------------

    Well that's all I can really think of to say. If you guys/girls need more information I'd be glad to give it.
  19. So, this is my first post on here, and I was wondering what you guys think of my story so far. First off, it is sort of an open world fantasy rpg that is discretely railroaded to follow the story. I have spoilers that may reveal parts of the plot, so don't click them if you don't want to (they are really not that big, I am actually hiding most plot information, even from the spoilers). Please post if you think I could improve anything, but remember I am deliberetly holding back information so that players will discover it themselves. I still have a lot of work on this, so it may not be avaliable for quite some time. The gameplay is about 2 hours and 40 minutes to 3 hours long so far.

    It starts off in a remote village called "Mountain Village" (named for it's world location, as are other villages and locations). You follow the path of a 15 year old named Draxus, who lives there. He and his friend Joseph (after exploring the village and doing side quests) head off onto a path with leads to the village's old well. A cultists confronts you, and you are forced to head down the well. You hear the plans of a cult, lead by a human

    Spoiler
    Not really, he's actually a something called a "Shadow Knight". They play a major part in the game, but they are not the main threat. I won't give that away so soon!
    . You fight the cult, and their leader. He escapes, teleporting you back to the village. You then head up to the leader of Mountain Village, who sends you off to Wood Village to seek a mysterious contact.
    Spoiler
    The contact is Ralir, but this is just for a sort of "mysterious" tone.
    This leads off into a quest spanning the continant, revealing a dark presence who seeks to return to the world, whos severity even surpasses an imminent threat to the kingdom.
    I already have most of it planned out (I also have a good chunk of the RPG done, but will be converting it to ACE), but it is up for changing. I don't want to give out too much of the plot, as it is supposed to unfold as you play. I also am pretty much using the resources included with VX, and will be converting it to ACE, so don't expect any sort of fancy lighting effects. I don't know if that makes or breaks a game, I haven't been using VX for super long (maybe 3 years or so, I haven't experimented with scripting at all, custom events have been working fine so far)).

    Setting: Fantasy world, with A kingdom called Battle Kingdom. Seperated into a forest and plains zone, snowy northlands, and arid desert. Zones in the forest/plains include Wood Village and Battle Castle (subject to change). Desert includes Sand Village and Sand Castle. The Nothlands is a frozen, mountainous wasteland.

    Characters:

    Draxus: A 15 year old who lives in Mountain Village. He knows little of the outside world aside from stories and legends, and very quickly finds out that he is part of something way larger than he could ever imagine.

    Joseph: A 16 year old who also lives in Mountain Village. He is Draxus's best friend, and goes along with him on the quest.

    Ralir: A Mage Knight from Battle Castle, he helps Draxus and Joseph on their quest to save the kingdom. (Sorry for not including more of a description, I want to keep the information for players.

    Other Stuff

    You will have to make a morality choice (and possibly others), which determines which class you become for the rest of the game (this takes place approximately 2 hours and 30 minutes into the game, depending on how much stuff you do before hand. The game becomes rather railroaded just before this point, and for some time after, before becoming more free roaming again).
  20. My game isn't a typical RPG with random fights and such, more along the lines of Corpse Party, or To The Moon. Typically I am trying to go for a more story development then adventure, for future games I can use actual RPG fighting and such, for my first game, heavy story there will be a lot of exploration and item finding to get in or out of situations.

    Setting:

    In a small Japanese town focusing on a high school mainly, but explores other areas around town.

    Story:

    The story is told from the perspective of different characters, however there is one main character (the hero).

    Chapter 1

    focuses on a high school girl (Mizuki Kuruyama) with a rare amnesia, which forces her memories to erase themselves at any point.

    This causes her personality to change drastically, however the first part of the story focuses on one personality.

    Mizuki ends up locked in the school over night frightened, due to some bullies, but finds a boy she starts to take interest in.

    Chapter 2

    Changes to new character Takashi Nishizono (The hero of the story), and his school life, with his sister Rin, childhood friend (and crush) Chidori, and friend Kyousuke.

    It will give some back story to some of these characters.

    Chapter 3

    Takes off where chapter 1 ended from a different point a view. But I will not spoil it for everyone.

    Characters:

    Takashi Nishizono: The hero of the story, 17 years old, son to owner "Nishizono Enterprises a company researching secret things, more on this later" Takashi grew up under very strict rules, from what to wear, how to act, and who he could be friends with.

    So he had almost no friends growing up, Takashi ended up becoming rebellious, befriending Chidori at a young age, despite what his parents said. He has a year younger brother (Itsuki) who was chosen to take over the company after their father dies. He also has a year younger sister Rin, who was neglected left up to Takashi to look after. Takashi left home with Rin at the first possible moment he could.

    Rin Nishizono: The year younger sister, 16 years old, she is very cheerful and adores her older brother. Unlike her brother Rin was never under the strict rules like Takashi, and mostly neglected by her parents. Rin moved in with Takashi when he left home, mainly because he wanted her to come, and she did not get along with any other family members. "Rin also likes her brother a lot."

    Chidori Himara: 17 Years old, Chidori is half american, she has been a friend of Takashi since childhood. Because of her american blood, Chidori looks Japanese but was born with blonde hair. She was teased when she was younger for being different, but Takashi saw pasted that and befriended her, mostly because he had no friends himself. The two over the years have grown to care for each other, and while not officially a couple, the two seem to be playing with the couple idea more now.

    Kyousuke Nakano: 17 years old, Kyousuke mostly keeps quiet about himself, he was transferred into Takashi's class a while back. At first when Takashi pestered him to be friends with him, Kyousuke would just ignore him, now Kyousuke enjoys the times he has with Takashi and gang. However Kyousuke holds some deep secrets.

    Mizuki Kuruyama: 16 years old, Mizuki awoke one morning feeling as if she was just born, she uncovered her history as a disabled amnesiac through diaries she had no memory of ever writing. Her last entry told of a promise she made with her "Friends."

    Sakura Erinami: 16 years old, Sakura is the most popular girl in school, and her best friend is Mizuki. Mizuki herself has only read about being friends with Sakura. Adopted sister of Megumi. "More information will be covered later due to being spoilerish"

    Megumi Kanato: 17 years old, Student council president, and sister to Sakura. "More information will be covered later due to being spoilerish"

    Yuuji Rekiko: 17 years old, In Megumi's class, and a self proclaimed ladies man. "More information will be covered later due to being spoilerish"

    I am still working out how the whole story will come together but for now, I will work on chapter 1.

    If anyone has any suggestions or tips let me know, thanks.