(Now OPEN until further notice!)
(Limited Time only)
Welcome to my workshop. Need a fresh eye to look at your game thread? Do you need someone experienced and meticulous to check for grammatical mistakes in your game?
For an indefinite time, I am offering proofreading services for your text. I am also happy to help you brainstorm your ideas and turn them into a working storyline for your game.
Proofreading and Grammar Checking
That's right, I will quickly run through your game and identify any spelling mistakes and major grammatical errors I find in the course of playtesting your project. You heard me, you also get a playtester in the bargain! Any issues will be communicated by PM, with screenshots provided where necessary.
What I will NOT do in this Free Workshop
- I will not playtest or proofread any game longer than two hours. A one-hour game with numerous grammatical mistakes and bugs takes me an average of three hours to write its report - I am that thorough, and I don't like doing things halfway.
- I will not proofread any text unrelated to RPG Maker nor any longer than 3,000 words.
- I will not write your storyline or create your characters.
- I will not add or write any dialogue for your game.
- I will not edit your project even if you send the files to me. (I use VX Ace. PM or post to clarify)
What I will do
- Respect the theme and tone of your game (ie a funny game will keep its lighthearted tone).
- Check for flow and uneven dialogue to make sure it reads better (eg "I am think I am going to sayed I love you much").
- Check for things that don't make sense (eg farmers who talk like university professors)
- Report any gameplay bugs I come across.
- In some cases, I might playtest slightly longer games if mistakes are minimal.
As a sample, Skyfrid has very kindly allowed me to post a screenshot from his game 'A Simple Life':
Sample of how I might edit a game thread page. Samples of my writing can be found in my Ideas in Ink submission: Death and Rebirth here and here (Warning: Mature):
Spoiler
Spoiler
Title: Hounded
On Thursday, she stops sleeping. It takes too much time. There are three essays, a short story and a synopsis that's due in 9 days, 5 hours, 48 minutes and there's just no more time.
Her parents are calling. The Skype window flashes over and over again on her computer screen. She turns off the sound. She kills the window.
Food. They want to make sure she's eating. How's the weather, sweetheart? Is it still freezing? Why aren't you talking to us?
She has to escape. She searches for friends, a virtual hug, scraps of comfort on emails, Facebook. Oh God, her stalker is back again. Same message through five different email addresses.
Who's a pretty girl?
Who's a pretty girl?
You are.
You are.
She blocks the addresses and tears herself back to work. Research. Why must there be so much research? Too much knowledge in the world, too many theories. God damn all theorists.
She's not the only one who wants to hound them in their homes and put out their eyes with a knife.
Another window flashes on her screen. Her brother's in on it. She has to answer. She's ignored him twice already.
She combs her hair. Tries to look presentable for the video.
Hey, sis, how you doing?
Am okay. (I'm dying is what I'm dying.)
You don't look very good.
(leave me alone leave me alone)
She types 3,000 words a day, questioning every sentence. She used to be good, she knows she is. But now her prose is garbled, her context off, her structure non-existent.
Her characters are lifeless.
Her worlds don't make sense.
She stares at her email. He's sent another one: If I look at you and my heart skips a beat, if I stare at you, would I die?
On Saturday, she weakens and has steamy cybersex with her US friend. Gasping, writhing, she roleplays a scene with hooks and scarring and drowning her partner in cold, cold water until both of them slump in their seats, exhausted. She paints a portrait of manipulation and despair and unfulfilled ideals. It's the best damn thing she's ever written, and no one will ever see it.
On Monday, she stops eating. There's rotting bananas in the kitchen, disemboweled crisps packets. The remains of instant noodles her parents sent through air mail.
She walks to the dishes and cries over the sink. She has no future, no future at all. What was she thinking? Coming all the way here? She's not going to make it. She gave up a decent job for this. Oh God what was she thinking? How dare she?
You should read my emails properly, you know. I put some thought into them.
On Friday, she sprawls into bed, empty, broken. Awake, she dreams. Puppies, blades, and deep dark waters. She prefers the flying dreams. Those are always the best.
The world is calling her. She doesn't answer.
Title: Hounded
On Thursday, she stops sleeping. It takes too much time. There are three essays, a short story and a synopsis that's due in 9 days, 5 hours, 48 minutes and there's just no more time.
Her parents are calling. The Skype window flashes over and over again on her computer screen. She turns off the sound. She kills the window.
Food. They want to make sure she's eating. How's the weather, sweetheart? Is it still freezing? Why aren't you talking to us?
She has to escape. She searches for friends, a virtual hug, scraps of comfort on emails, Facebook. Oh God, her stalker is back again. Same message through five different email addresses.
Who's a pretty girl?
Who's a pretty girl?
You are.
You are.
She blocks the addresses and tears herself back to work. Research. Why must there be so much research? Too much knowledge in the world, too many theories. God damn all theorists.
She's not the only one who wants to hound them in their homes and put out their eyes with a knife.
Another window flashes on her screen. Her brother's in on it. She has to answer. She's ignored him twice already.
She combs her hair. Tries to look presentable for the video.
Hey, sis, how you doing?
Am okay. (I'm dying is what I'm dying.)
You don't look very good.
(leave me alone leave me alone)
She types 3,000 words a day, questioning every sentence. She used to be good, she knows she is. But now her prose is garbled, her context off, her structure non-existent.
Her characters are lifeless.
Her worlds don't make sense.
She stares at her email. He's sent another one: If I look at you and my heart skips a beat, if I stare at you, would I die?
On Saturday, she weakens and has steamy cybersex with her US friend. Gasping, writhing, she roleplays a scene with hooks and scarring and drowning her partner in cold, cold water until both of them slump in their seats, exhausted. She paints a portrait of manipulation and despair and unfulfilled ideals. It's the best damn thing she's ever written, and no one will ever see it.
On Monday, she stops eating. There's rotting bananas in the kitchen, disemboweled crisps packets. The remains of instant noodles her parents sent through air mail.
She walks to the dishes and cries over the sink. She has no future, no future at all. What was she thinking? Coming all the way here? She's not going to make it. She gave up a decent job for this. Oh God what was she thinking? How dare she?
You should read my emails properly, you know. I put some thought into them.
On Friday, she sprawls into bed, empty, broken. Awake, she dreams. Puppies, blades, and deep dark waters. She prefers the flying dreams. Those are always the best.
The world is calling her. She doesn't answer.
Request Form
- Name of Game or title of Text:
- Type: RPG, Visual Novel, Game Page, Article, Short Story etc
- Genre of game (if applicable): Horror, steampunk fantasy, western, futuristic, comedy etc
- Estimated length: In playing time or number of words etc
- American English or British English (I am experienced with both)
- Link (if applicable):
- Other details:
Once accepted, I will contact you but please allow for up to seven days for a detailed report.
Waiting List:
1. Val (finished)
2. Iron Croc (finished)
3. Nosleinad (finished)
Character and Story Analysis
Stuck on how to proceed with your story? Think your characters are lifeless and unconvincing? Feeling unmotivated about the game you once were so excited about?
Let me be your story shrink! I will listen, applaud the good points and identify potential weaknesses in your characters and plotlines. It is not my job to point out the answers, but to help you think of solutions to flesh out your story. If interested, please use the above request form or PM for any enquiries. Brainstorming sessions can be conducted by PM and the details kept strictly confidential. Although unlikely, I reserve the right to decline or postpone any sessions if I have major deadlines or other projects.
I've helped a few members here in the past but will not disclose details of any of the discussions. Instead, here is a sample of how I might comment on a hypothetical case:
Spoiler
Spoiler
Thank you for sending me the story breakdown of your game, Your Pants are on Fire.
First of all, that's quite an eye-catching name for your first project! It ranks up there with 'You are Not the Hero' and 'Unemployment Quest' for immediate impact. I understand this is a working title, but if you can find nothing better and the concept hasn't changed once the game is completed, you might want to consider leaving the name as it is.
Characters
You have a strong line-up of party members, of which I will come to in a moment. Your main character, Nettles Ivorlain, has an compelling enough premise - he is a pathological liar in a world made out of "recycled and discarded pieces of the Sandman's dreams." You told me you want your game to be gothic with a tongue-in-cheek tone, and that you want to tell a "rich, complicated story" about the main character's inner demons as he sorts out his feelings for his sweetheart, Lily.
At the beginning of your story outline, you had Nettles hurting Lily by causing her to lose her eye; he would then regret his action and spend the rest of the game redeeming himself and surviving the many obstacles to rescue Lily. My one concern is that you risk losing the sympathy of players if the main character is seen to be overly abusive to Lily and his friends. Redemption, however, is a powerful theme so it all depends on how you execute your game. I myself like my stories dark, so I'm intrigued by how you would do it.
Another concern of mine is that so far from what you sent me of the intro, Nettles tends to come across as snide, petty and even cruel. Witty remarks might be one thing, but remember, players like to see some sort of redeeming quality in their main characters, or something that makes them human. For instance, if your main character is an evil overlord, demonstrate how he actually cares for his mother. If your main character is a paladin, think of how funny it would be if he likes to drink dwarves under the table in the weekends! In other words, give us a reason to root for the main character. Show the depths of your main character!
I am also not clear on who Nettles is and what he does for a living. Where does he come from? Where are his parents? Does he have parents? Or is Nettles actually just another recycled figure from a child's used-up dream? Answering these questions could give you a better idea where Nettles fits into the setting and how he relates to other people. I know you said Nettles is a "resident of the Broken Dreamworld", but no matter where they come from, every character must have some sort of job or function. Can you think of something that would not only fit this unique world, but give him a reason to interact with Lily, his sweetheart whose job you also didn't mention?
As for Nettles' party members, they seem to play off well with each other. Broken Teddy, a Dreamweaver and fatherly figure who acts as Nettles' conscience. Sad Dino, a dinosaur knight with a big heart and a dark secret. Mister Boogie, a deaf archer and secret agent planted by the Bright King. All these make for extremely interesting characters, so make sure they don't overshadow Nettles too much! Also, try to give these party members strong enough reasons to join Nettles in his quest, and not just conveniently have them decide to come along for the ride.
Story and Game Mechanics
I love the idea of a main character who has to overcome some personal flaw - in Nettle's case, his selfishness and compulsion to lie - in order to succeed. Not only does Nettles have to find the Bright King and defeat his agents to save Lily, but he must also deal with his fear of the truth. You didn't make it clear, but I imagine that something scarred him in the past to make him the person he is today. If that's so, then that makes him a particularly compelling character and gives players greater motivation to find out what happens next.
I also like the idea of a game mechanic where players have to read through Nettles' dialogue and mentally reverse everything he says to figure out what he's saying! You should be able to make many interesting puzzles from that, and I can't wait to see the dialogue choices when he interacts with other people...
-End of Sample-
Thank you for sending me the story breakdown of your game, Your Pants are on Fire.
First of all, that's quite an eye-catching name for your first project! It ranks up there with 'You are Not the Hero' and 'Unemployment Quest' for immediate impact. I understand this is a working title, but if you can find nothing better and the concept hasn't changed once the game is completed, you might want to consider leaving the name as it is.
Characters
You have a strong line-up of party members, of which I will come to in a moment. Your main character, Nettles Ivorlain, has an compelling enough premise - he is a pathological liar in a world made out of "recycled and discarded pieces of the Sandman's dreams." You told me you want your game to be gothic with a tongue-in-cheek tone, and that you want to tell a "rich, complicated story" about the main character's inner demons as he sorts out his feelings for his sweetheart, Lily.
At the beginning of your story outline, you had Nettles hurting Lily by causing her to lose her eye; he would then regret his action and spend the rest of the game redeeming himself and surviving the many obstacles to rescue Lily. My one concern is that you risk losing the sympathy of players if the main character is seen to be overly abusive to Lily and his friends. Redemption, however, is a powerful theme so it all depends on how you execute your game. I myself like my stories dark, so I'm intrigued by how you would do it.
Another concern of mine is that so far from what you sent me of the intro, Nettles tends to come across as snide, petty and even cruel. Witty remarks might be one thing, but remember, players like to see some sort of redeeming quality in their main characters, or something that makes them human. For instance, if your main character is an evil overlord, demonstrate how he actually cares for his mother. If your main character is a paladin, think of how funny it would be if he likes to drink dwarves under the table in the weekends! In other words, give us a reason to root for the main character. Show the depths of your main character!
I am also not clear on who Nettles is and what he does for a living. Where does he come from? Where are his parents? Does he have parents? Or is Nettles actually just another recycled figure from a child's used-up dream? Answering these questions could give you a better idea where Nettles fits into the setting and how he relates to other people. I know you said Nettles is a "resident of the Broken Dreamworld", but no matter where they come from, every character must have some sort of job or function. Can you think of something that would not only fit this unique world, but give him a reason to interact with Lily, his sweetheart whose job you also didn't mention?
As for Nettles' party members, they seem to play off well with each other. Broken Teddy, a Dreamweaver and fatherly figure who acts as Nettles' conscience. Sad Dino, a dinosaur knight with a big heart and a dark secret. Mister Boogie, a deaf archer and secret agent planted by the Bright King. All these make for extremely interesting characters, so make sure they don't overshadow Nettles too much! Also, try to give these party members strong enough reasons to join Nettles in his quest, and not just conveniently have them decide to come along for the ride.
Story and Game Mechanics
I love the idea of a main character who has to overcome some personal flaw - in Nettle's case, his selfishness and compulsion to lie - in order to succeed. Not only does Nettles have to find the Bright King and defeat his agents to save Lily, but he must also deal with his fear of the truth. You didn't make it clear, but I imagine that something scarred him in the past to make him the person he is today. If that's so, then that makes him a particularly compelling character and gives players greater motivation to find out what happens next.
I also like the idea of a game mechanic where players have to read through Nettles' dialogue and mentally reverse everything he says to figure out what he's saying! You should be able to make many interesting puzzles from that, and I can't wait to see the dialogue choices when he interacts with other people...
-End of Sample-
Who is Alkorri and how dare this person think they know anything?
Hey, I love RPGs just like you. I've been a writer and editor for twenty years, a journalist for nine of those years, and basically always had a love affair with the written word. I've done copywriting, designed games, written a novel, published short stories. I am also a hardcore gamer and probably sunk waaaay too many hours into Skyrim (1000+, according to Steam). I also studied creative writing at Edinburgh Napier University, and my two cents are there for anyone who is interested. I don't bite, honest
Credits
My workshop logo was created by the very talented ButtersTheNinja.
Enterbrain
Oh, you want to give me credit? Credit is not necessary but much appreciated. I just wanted to do something for the community that has helped me so much.