Plot and Character Feedback

@fireflyege Hmm, extracting posts out of one thread and merging them with another is not easy, so you may as well finish off this bit of your discussion here. However, for other gameplay elements, where you want to discuss aspects that are particular to your individual project, just post directly in Features Feedback until you have enough to start your own game thread.

I posted this in game mechanics design, thought it included mechanics but whatever. I decided that those concepts would require some minor improvement anyway.

@fireflyege Game Mechanics Design isn't for feedback on individual projects, that is why it was moved. Probably it was intended to move it to Features Feedback, but it ended up here by mistake - very easy to do, as the forum software is not as intuitive as it was in earlier versions.

@fireflyege the witch uses blood magic? the cast seem really well balanced, I'm jealous. but seriously, the witch reminds me of vampire in other games.

@chungsie thank you for your compliments. I have 9 characters in total. Witch sadly does not have blood magic, she instead drains the enemy's life essence. You can say it is very close to Fel Magic in World of Warcraft without the whole thing with demons. But there is another person which can use blood magic, which is my vampress.

I have 3 characters for each armor type:

CLOTH:
-Magus: He has huge single target and AoE attacks, and has all elements. His whole gimmick is taking advantage of elemental weaknesses. Even his abilities support that strategy. But he has unique abilities that purge his enemies from buffs, or lore-wise manipulating time and space, reading minds of every spellcaster and then interrupting and finishing their incantation before they do, thus reflecting the spell they cast at critical moments.
-Diviner: She begins as a light priest near the beginning, but learns skills from multiple deities. She gains all defensive spells with one or two attacking spells, and no spell element outclass each other. For example you never get a dark healing spell that outclasses the light, but each element have a different gimmick.
-Witch: She uses fire, ice, lightning, earth and dark spells. Her way to drain life is draining pure lifeforce rather than blood.

PLATE:
-Templar: He is a pure tank. His main gimmick is maintaining different auras and taking the attacks to him.
-Berserker: He is not a pure tank, but when he gets berserk with reaching 100 TP, which then remains for 3 turns he cannot die and gets %50 more Attack. He also gets more damage when his HP is missing up to %25, so his whole strategy is keeping him alive but with minimal health.
-Magitech: Basically a jack of all trades. He can take attacks but not that good, he can deal damage but not that great and his mechanic is unreliable against an enemy that is resistant to a single thing because he must mix physical with magic. His healing is good but he needs to do it properly since all his heals are reliant on Nanobots.

LEATHER:
-Bard: Bard is a straight up buffer. She is kinda non interactive but her theme is the whole backstage thing so she will be fine.
-Archer: She is based on nature magic and burst damage. Witch has the dark side of the nature covered, she has the earth mother theme and all the druidic looking things in it. She does not fall away from her huntress theme also, and her super snipe maker her fun to play if you are doing things right.
-Vampress: She is the blood mage of the team, and is between a blood huntress and a blood mage. Her power comes from excessive lifesteal with physical attacks, and using blood magic to either attack the enemy or heal her team. Her whole gimmick is fetching life from her enemies to use it how she likes to.

The Magus also knows all types of spells but does not capitalize on them. This does not mean he does not have them, he has every type of spell in his kit but his gimmick is mixing those spells. For example he uses blood magic to extend his water based HoT effect.

Does this general plot sound interesting yo?

EIDA is tipped off to Blackburr Wind, a remote town rife with occultic and supernatural activity in order to banish it and collect information about rifts where these entities might filter in. You are Tyde- a crew member of EIDA and the newest recruit. Learn how to set parameters and investigate the weirdness of the eerie, backwater town while winning the affection of your desired team mate.

Spoilers for plot

It's not horror. .. more like mystery/thriller anime adventure with allot a romance.
The characters will not be human but a different species (made up) in their semimodern semifantasy world.

Inspiration an stuff-
Just imagine an anime x Ghost hunters show + with some plot an romance and theres inspiration for this game. It is a visual novel/date sim with some adventuring/quest (town exploring an games trying to track down ghost entities an cryptid things) an light battles. For the dates there might be some gameplay too- simulation styles with visual novel.

Alright, so I recently started work on my first RPG called "A Hero's Tale". It is set on a floating continent called Agartha (Inspiration from Final Fantasy III) that has four countries. Each country is ruled by a king and each country is home to one of four power sources. (This is similar to any crystal plot line element) Without disclosing too much info I have a list of current characters and their corresponding biographies. I would greatly appreciate any feedback on the character names and biographies. (Note: These are subject to change.)


Thanks!! :D

@Daniel47 I have some questions about your characters.

Sol favors White and Black magic because he can use it in a civil war? Ok favoring magic is good and well but I do not think ''using it for a war'' is a legit excuse for favoring such a thing. Because a person would favor sword arts to use it in a war and that is basically what a soldier is. Your expression of the character does not really tell me a lot of things.

If Sol is a mage, then he must also be a wise person, at least either a person with a spark of genius or a person wise beyond his years.

There is a reason a mage has a harder time learning both black and white magic, because they are complex magic studies and follow a different principle. Learning magic is like learning maths, you must start small and grow better at it. That is the main reason Gray Magi are not as good as white and black magi.

But exploring the underworld (is what I understand as ''the world below'') is a good theme, but I do not see a reason why would he want to join a war other than protecting his friend.

But, with scrapping the whole white magic from Sol, I would make Ralse and Draco dedicated white mages, maybe Draco also having some fire magic because you know, ''Draco'' would sound like a person that can use fire. Also cleansing fire is cool. You can even add fire based healing powers that do insane numbers of healing but with penalties of things like getting burnt to a crisp.

@fireflyege Good point. It may be better to leave him as a black mage then both black and white. Or leave him as and soldier who knows black magic. I intend to have Sol be the wiser and mature one of the two.

Thanks for the critique! :) I'll go back and make some edits. My plan is to get the characters solidified as best I can before moving onto the history of the world and the actual story.

@Daniel47 if you want Sol to be wise and mature, then make him a protective friend but really not really care about the war unless he takes some sort of revenge, but even if he goes aggressive make him a manipulative person. Kind of a dark but good person you can say if he is going for revenge or has some really important motive that lets him not pursue the chance to visit the world below which is his dream.

I am being brutally honest but a soldier knowing black magic seems stupid, even if a soldier would know black magic that would mean that soldier is a natural but being a natural does not teach you black magic. Even though black magic is the most appealing magic type for all simpletons, it still requires a great deal of work to master so even if that soldier would be a natural he would not be able to master magic and I would doubt that the guy would even be competitive against any decent spellcaster.

Let me get one thing straight, you do not see old and powerful mages without reason. That kind of time is what it takes to master magic. You must basically devote yourself to magic. Even battlemages study some years for getting proficient with sword and armor and the rest of their lives studying magic.

So long things short I would not make Sol a soldier that knows black magic because that would be stupid in more than a single way. Also any soldier knows how to wear protective armor, and being unable to wear armors with much protection is the weakness of mages. If you eliminate that weakness he would be broken in gameplay.

Also soldier weapons are not really the ones black mages would want to use. Even battlemages are not also able to cast spells that require hand movements or focus or both because most powerful black magic requires the movement of two hands, and your full concentration and even an incantation for it to work. Using a melee weapon like soldiers negates any chance you have to do any of these requirements. Your sword movements ruins the hand movement, being in the fray makes you lose your focus one way or another and you are gonna try to manage your breath which will make most incantations impossible to perform. That is the main reason why battlemage spells are quick and have short incantations.

I've been working on a game for a few weeks but technical issues basically deleted everything I had and now I'm debating if I should start from scratch or abandon this idea for a different project. I figured I'd post on here to see if this is an idea that may be worth pursuing. The game is (tentatively) called "Last Rites".

High Concept: the player is amnesiac mage inflicted with a dreadful curse that draws demons, spirits and monsters to attack him while also slowly stripping away his memories. As the player discovers clues to their forgotten history, they also find themselves caught in a battle between two cadres of mages: the Light-aligned and lawful Circle and the Dark-aligned and chaotic Coven.

Story: the player takes-on the role of Thomas Didymus, a legendary wizard known as the Grey Master of Restoration. The tutorial section of the game has Thomas exterminating demons who have entered his lavished manor before sealing the rift to the demon realm that they are pouring out of. This is all in a day's work for the vaunted mage.
Through this section, the player gleams traces of Thomas' character: a terminally bored and cynical master of the arcane, fully aware of how powerful and celebrated he is.

After clearing the demons from his manor, he learns that he has a guest: a beautiful noblewoman who seeks his services. You see, Thomas is well-known and well-regarded for his powers in restoration (hence his title) but he doesn't just cure physical wounds. He can also cure spiritual ailments to rid people of curses, bad karma, sin and guilt. He's regularly paid to provide these healing services for criminals, tyrants and ne'er-do-wells who can no longer handle their guilt.
Thomas begins the ritual to clear his guest of her bad karma but during the process, something goes wrong. The guest is revealed to be a demon in disguise and by attempting to heal her, Thomas has contracted a "spiritual poison". This begins the first boss fight of the game, where Thomas battles the demon as his HP gradual declines. As his health is nearing its end, he performs a last ditch effort to save himself. He casts a spell, there's a flash of light and the screen goes black...

Thus ends the prologue...

The screen fades into a seedy tavern where the player sees Thomas, now more haggard-looking and sporting a beard. He reveals through narration that what the player has seen, the prologue, are all he remembers of his past. He has no idea where he is, why he's there or where he has been.
Here, his journey really begins...

Questlines: the main quest of the game has four paths: light, dark, order and chaos.

- Beginning: if the player was observant through the prologue, they would have picked-up on various clues - names of clients, places, unique terms, etc. - that would lead Thomas to uncovering the mystery of the "spiritual poison" that curses him: who set-up this curse, why and how can the curse be lifted. These clues will eventually lead the player to the wizard Alkahest, the Black Master of Alchemy. He will send the player on a quest and through this quest, the player learns of a conflict between the magic users of the setting. Alkahest belongs to The Circle, a group of wizards who draw power from a mystical force called The Light and battle evil through the land.

- Light Quest: the player completes Alkahest's quest and is told that the curse placed on Thomas was the work of the villainous Coven, a group of witches who serve a mystical force known as The Darkness. To undo the curse, the player must kill the five witches of the Coven and their champion, a mysterious evil known as The Necromancer.

- Dark Quest: information the player gets during Alkahest's quest leads the player to be suspicious of the Circle. The player can choose to kill Alkahest. It is then revealed that the Circle is deeply corrupted and has used their magical influence to gain power and wealth for themselves at the expense of the people of the world. Thomas takes it upon himself to destroy the Circle.

- Chaos Quest: begins the same as the Dark Quest but rather than simply killing the members of the Circle, the player chooses to kill the members of the Coven as well. This questline ends with Thomas becoming the most powerful magic user in existence while also destroying all other magic in the setting.

- Order Quest: begins the same as the Light Quest (with Alkahest quest being completed) but the player picks and chooses who they kill and spare.

Bosses/Characters: between the different questlines, the player will meet, befriend, aid or kill these magic users. Once the player kills a magic user, Thomas will inherent their magical powers, unlocking new spells and abilities. This is one of the big gameplay gimmicks.

- The Circle
- Alkahest the Black Mastery of Alchemy: not a boss fight but the player's choice to kill or aid him will determine the questline they follow.
- Ultero the Blue Master of Abjuration: can create magic shields and barriers. If you follow the Light (or Order) questline, Ultero becomes a party member.
- Magosh the Gold Master of Illusions: has power over illusions. His magic can grant Thomas with the power to distract enemies.
- Gadelico the White Master of Enchantment: not a boss fight. In the Light (and Order) questlines, he can enchant weapons and armor. Killing him grants Thomas this ability but it takes time and experience to become as proficient.
- Piggoth the Green Master of Druidry: the guy who controls the monsters and beasts of the setting. Killing him grant Thomas the ability to summon monsters to aid him in battle.
- Omaddon the Red Master of Destruction: has the power to shoot fireballs, lightning and other destructive spells.

- The Coven
- The Witch of Form: power over shapeshifting.
- The Witch of Mirror: can mimic spells and attacks of the player and their party.
- Anima the Witch of Summons: can summon demons and spirits to fight alongside her.
- Holly the Witch of Mysticism: can grant buffs, debuffs and other status effects. Will join your party in the Dark (or Order) questline. She was the one primarily responsible for Thomas' curse. When she sees him helping the Coven and/or fighting the Circle, she decides to give him a hand undoing the curse (mostly motivated out of guilt).
- The Witch of Mind: mind-controls the player's party members to fight alongside her. Gaining her power allows the player to potentially and temporarily control enemies during battles.
- The Necromancer: final boss for the Light and Dark questlines. Has the power to summon the undead to fight alongside him. His backstory and relationship to Thomas are revealed in some of the game's sidequests.

- Other
- The Master of Spells: in the Chaos questline, after killing all the other mages, Thomas will attempt to gain control of the source of magic to grant him the power to undo the curse on him himself. Doing so pits him against the source's protector, an ancient spirit of magic.
- The Master of Curses: in the Order questline, after facing the Necromancer, Thomas learns that the only way to undo his curse is to destroy the patron spirit of curses.

Sidequests and other story elements: there are other quests in the game (all of them optional) that can yield different rewards for the player. These rewards can include items and party members but the biggest reward of them is information. Many of the quests will reveal information about Thomas, his backstory and his relationships to the other magic users of the story.

Through a good chunk of the early portions of the game, Thomas beliefs his pre-amnesiac self was a mostly righteous and respected mage. In reality (as Thomas discovers), this is not true. Thomas, in his youth, was a dastardly and corrupt nobleman who desired power above all else and saw the Circle as a means of gaining it. The Circle (eager to gain an ally to battle the Coven) agreed to make Thomas one of them but he must appease him with a sacrifice. Thomas sacrificed his closest friend and ally, a knight named Wilhelm, and the Circle granted him the power of Restoration.
The Coven, learning of Thomas' initiation, resurrected Wilhelm as the Necromancer, the master of death to counteract the Circle's new master of life.

Of course, this is all backstory. During the game itself, Thomas will have the option to aid or antagonize the setting's people for personal profit or for the sake of righteousness. The game is ultimately about the role of choice in morality and Thomas' quest to redeem himself or seek vengeance on his enemies, all in an effort to undo the curse placed upon him.

So, that's about the long and short of it. Any comments?

@WooHoo ok destroying the source of magic to get control over it is stupid. The Arcane is not like a kingdom. It is like the air. You cannot defeat a tornado in a hand to hand battle to control the wind and even if you find a tornado to engage a hand to hand battle with, it will crush your puny body before you can say ''This game is made with RPG Maker MV'' so think an embodiment of magic as a thing of that sort. Arcane is the energy without a ruler and source but really if it had an embodiment it would disintegrate you so hard that people would search dimensions to find your soul fragments, without the thing even trying.

Other than that your story seems good enough. I find the ''Master of Restoration'' title stupid though. Titles does not need to include your skill type and most of all they are not complex. What is wrong with ''The Gray Mage'' and such? Most mages are beyond the care for being famous anyway. Another thing is your character seems like a blue mage more than anything if he inherits the skills of others. Really, change the titles of all your characters. You can even look LoL for inspiration about titles.

I can see that you have created a neutral character and are trying to make a game based on factions so good luck with that. But I find your wiev to the arts of the arcane very limited. For example you include most people that belong to one school really gimmicky. For example yes a shapeshifter is fine but did you know that powerful druids can also manipulate their flesh hence transform themselves? Did you know a master of curses would curse themselves with immortality when it is near death because there exists such things as curse of immortality. Did you know most cerebral (mental) mages also develop the ability to see future or manipulate time? Well obviously not. Remember that, the Arcane is beyond the boundaries of good and evil.

Sorry for all the harsh feedback. If you were to create a game that involved 3 kingdoms I would be tell nicer things to you.

@fireflyege I'll try to explain a little better, I think I might of worded some things strangely.

First, Thomas being a master of the arcane doesn't mean he has total control of all magic. It means he is very proficient at his type of magic.

Becoming a master of any school of magic is a life-long commitment. Most people don't have the ability/time to become proficient in several forms of magic unless they take a shortcut like killing other mages. I also assume the Circle/Coven enforces a policy of one type per mage as a means of keeping a single mage from becoming too powerful and as a means of given themselves some kind of leverage over their peers.
From a more technical perspective, the specialized mages exist for the gameplay gimmick of allowing the player to gain the powers of defeated bosses. That gimmick gives players an incentive to fight the bosses. I've also thought about doing a Mega Man thing where some enemies are easier to beat if you have the powers of certain bosses.

Also, Thomas doesn't destroy the source of magic in the Chaos questline. He takes control of it and becomes the only magic-user in the world (and an all-powerful one at that). I imagine the "source" itself is some kind of magic text of divine origin. It is the "source" because it is what imparts knowledge of how to use magic to mortals. It isn't a "source" like how a storm cloud is the source of lightning.



I think it depends on how the arcane is defined within the setting. There is no clairvoyance or time manipulation in this setting (as there isn't a need for such a power in this game). Also, as is defined in this setting, druidy doesn't not give one the power to shapeshift and the Master of Curses cannot grant immortality to himself.

Finally, neither the Circle nor the Coven are totally good or evil. So, in this setting, magic as a whole has no moral alignment. It is beyond good and evil. However, the humans who use it can choose to use it for good or evil.

@WooHoo well the Arcane is basically all of the things you can do with mana, but it specifically includes using the arcane as its purest form even though all schools are the subjects to the Arcane. And if you can kill mages to gain their powers, why would you bother with being a white mage when you can be an assassin and assassinate the entire coven to gain their powers?

Magic is about how creative you are, instead of how you yourself wiev it. Curses are not all bad and some healing spells take their power from particularly evil sources. Also one thing, the art is not called Druidy, it is called Druidism. Another thing is, if I wanted pets to battle with me I would just learn to tame them instead of becoming a druid if your druid magic is that limited.

If the ''source'' is strong enough to impart magical knowledge to people, I do not think a mage would be able to defeat it. It is like a soldier arguing a mage about advanced magic. Even if he would try to take control, you think such sources of power would incinerate you to atoms the moment you start attacking, no matter what window of spells you know.

Making a spell school that only include one thing is pretty boring. Their dedicated casters are even more boring. All schools are tied with each other. I find your wiev to most magic exceedingly primitive and limited, at least not enough to make a game about mages.

I think maybe there's still some misunderstanding going on here. I'll try to clarify further...

"well the Arcane is basically all of the things you can do with mana, but it specifically includes using the arcane as its purest form even though all schools are the subjects to the Arcane."

When I said "master of the arcane", I just meant "powerful wizard". It's an expression. I think you're getting a little too hung-up on that expression.

"And if you can kill mages to gain their powers, why would you bother with being a white mage when you can be an assassin and assassinate the entire coven to gain their powers?"

He was offered the position of Master of Restoration by the Circle and he accepted because being in the Circle would bring him power and wealth. He probably didn't care too much what type of magic he got to use. The important thing to him was just being part of the Circle.
Gameplay-wise, I find white magic to be very practical/helpful and I thought it would be kind of unique to have the main character take on a supporting role in the party's combat rather than an offensive role.

"If the ''source'' is strong enough to impart magical knowledge to people, I do not think a mage would be able to defeat it"

The source isn't a sentient creature. It's an object. It's like a tool. In the Chaos questline, Thomas wants to use it. He doesn't fight it.

"Making a spell school that only include one thing is pretty boring. Their dedicated casters are even more boring. All schools are tied with each other. I find your wiev to most magic exceedingly primitive and limited, at least not enough to make a game about mages."

I'm doing that to make each boss fight unique and also to allow each fight to yield very different rewards for the player. By taking the power of each mage, it also demonstrates the player getting stronger by showing them gaining new skills as they complete the game.
I don't think it's limited because this system would mean that there are over 12 categories of spells (potential dozens of individual spells) that the player can become proficient in. With every category (except restoration) being optional to gain.
The different schools are tied to each other as they come from the same source.

I imagine if you were to play this game, you would choose the Chaos questline. That would allow you to destroy the different schools and make it so the player can just do every spell without any regard for specialization.

@WooHoo yes you are right, I was thinking about the chaotic alignment if I were to play the game and I am really looking forvard to it. I hope you can implement them in an enjoyable way.

Also yes the character having white magic is good but spells like Smite and Chastise are also white magic. He can be semi offensive at the beginning maybe, to prevent him from being a healbot all game long.

okay, here some Lore:

Many years ago a group of priests created a dimension to seal away the bad spirits from the human world.
Those "bad spirits" actually are unredeemed souls who had been damned, lost or forgotten..
Their essence / source of energy is quite different and after some time in isolation 2 groups were formed.
Those 2 groups were unable to coexistent together as they would harm each other.. so on one side the Hellfire was formed - on the other is The Void.
Their differences and the fact, the dimension splitted up into 2 new ones led to misunderstandings and wrong information.. The poor souls already have forgotten that these were actually humans who created the seal, so in the end the 2 groups of lost souls blame each other for their miserable situation between life and death and live in war - since many many years.

On the side of the void is a former powerful mage, with his help the leader of the void can create an aura which will prevent killing a hellfire creature being in the void. With this they kidnap the daughter of the hellfire demon (leader).
During her capivity she gets close to the void leader's son and - surprise - they fall in love.
As the young couple desperately wants to be together, they seek for help and ask the void's mage. He again has actually created a plan to escape and leave behind the void AND hellfire once and for all. The mage, acting like the kind helpful uncle, performs a spell, and indeed it seems to be working.. The void's son and the hellfire's daughter can actually become close without taking damage.
However, the strong emotions of them both is setting free an energy as suddenly the environment begins to shake and the seal to the human world is getting damaged, opening some rifts.

As the void's leader gets aware of his son being with the hellfire's daughter, he wants to go and immediately kill her. (killing an already dead soul in the sense of making it disappear, in case someone wonders).
The young couple flees and as they run towards an open rift the void's leader gets to them.
The leader and his son are talking while the son is being in (protecting) front of her. After all the void's leader shows some understanding and is willing to help them for a future together, even considering making peace with the hellfire's leader. But first they would have to do sth about the open rifts.
As suddenly the mage appears behind the leader's back "I cannot allow this" pushing an enchanted dagger in the leader's back which makes him disappear.
The leader's son, shocked, sends the hellfire's daughter to the rift so she'd escape into the human world while he immediately wants vengence for his father and attacks the mage. The rift slowly is closing and just in the last moment the mage escapes into the human world.

The son of the void's leader is no protagonist so there's not much more story about him now. Just that he has to take his father's place and becomes the new leader of the void.

Meanwhile the human world is in danger as more and more los souls escape through the rifts and the majority attacking human beings.

The daughter of the hellfire's leader carries the seed of the void's leader (gotta write it like this, as a soul being pregnant sounds kinda weird).
With help of a human priest/mage(?) she can get a human form and carring the seed like a human woman in pregnancy.
So she gives birth to their son, who comes to the world as a human being and will be one of the protagonists.

@Henryetha you can simply call hellfire "inferno" and its people "infernals" other than that I hate love stories so I will not make a comment but it seems nice.

I like the story because it seems like the typical forbidden child. Normally the parents are an angel and demon but this works too.

First of all, ty for the feedback!
And well, this is just the lore behind, the game self not really a love story (at least not in the foreground), rather a vengeance and world saving thing..
It was a try to explain where the protagonist comes from and why he is so special.
Also how the strong barrier could be damaged at all.

Still need a lore behind the second protagonist, which could include angels (or other holy creatures) indeed, to create a contrast to the first protagonist.

I love the "inferno" idea, ty for that!

@Henryetha you are welcome. For the angelic beings, Celestial and Daeva are fitting names. You can also check Diablo's lore. Nephalem may be the thing you are trying to do.