Plot and Character Feedback

@Andronius , I think you're right :kaopride: I just have it in my head that maybe, 1 or 2 years down the line, I can turn my project into a commercial success... But I think it's more important to just do what I want in the meantime. Creativity cannot flow if I worry about what others think too much.

I think you may have answered your own question by helping me lol. I think you should just do whatever you want with your game, that is. If having limited or no skill/class customization fits your narrative, then do it. Keep it as simple as your story will allow, don't add any "alien invaders", because you yourself said it'd just be too much work for you to do.

@Lyseth I think that's interesting! Just make sure that you explain that (the history of your Babylon) somewhere in your game.

I will, like I said, if I explain TOO MUCH, it spoils it.

This goofy harpy with buckteeth is a secret character in my new game. She's the same harpy as the one from Save Your Mother's "Harpy vs Martians"


Her real name is Syra and she joins your party if you kill enough aliens in game and appears in your base. She tells that she has hated aliens ever since they stole her favorite goat and comes to join your party in hopes of killing aliens. She can't wear armor or use any weapons but can attack anywhere due to being able to fly and she can shoot lazers and blue balls just like in Harpy vs Martians.

She's kinda clumsy and is comedic relief but really potent character if used correctly.


P.S You can't find her goat.

@Tuomo L my only critique is that she is only a secret character. SHE NEEDS HER OWN SPIN OFF GAME! I DEMAND THAT THE GOAT BE FOUND!

This is not a discussion topic, as far as I can tell. It belongs in your game thread. Unless you can tell me what the discussion is, I shall close this.

Hasn't this discussion topic been around for 5 years though?

@Tuomo I think I made an error. In fact, I know I did. I somehow read this as being in a different thread. Of course it's fine in Plot and Character Feedback. My apologies.

No problem, no one's perfect.

Hello!
I am writing because I just finished writing the full script for my upcoming game "Chronicles Of Zemak"
A quick summary is: World

The story takes place in "The Alliance". Thousands of years before, the continent was split into 6 countries Their names were Azurath, Mapocho, Endel, Curap, Slentehli, Arminde.
Every kingdom had a powerful mage. Things escalated and the kings went mad. Mages wanted to protect people, created a covenant with the god of death: Zomak. They became his immortal warriors, in turn, the kingdoms would get better kings. Years flew pass, until mages assassinated one of the old kings. His kingdom fell into ruins, because "The Corruption" was still spreading. In turn, this made the other kings very scared, and just like that the five kingdoms became war nations, fighting for lands. And with that, the "Gap of years" began. The only thing known, is only 3 kingdoms remained. Just like that, the lands of the fallen kingdoms became "Corrupted" and unlivable. It was decided, that the right thing to do would be to join forces and create a strong kingdom. That kingdom became "The Alliance". More lore will be found in-game!



The Story

The story starts with a sixteen year old boy, named Jon learning how to hunt, with the help of his dad. But everything seems off. Finally, Jon's dad wants to tell the truth, only to be stopped by a surprise attack. Things escalate and Jon finds himself in care of an old wizard who knew his father. What follows next, is a dramatic tale about time travel, time paradoxes, cycles, friendship, family and vengeance...

And I have Chapter 1, already done. If you can, I would like you to try my demo and give feedback on every element of the story. If you want to see spoilers and give feedback on those, pm me!
Here's the game link: http://www.mediafire.com/file/6r64l1qaub3lkpa/Chronicles+Of+Zemak+DEMO+V2.rar

@leenat40 It would be more appropriate for you to create a game thread for this, rather than posting here. This thread is for discussing features which are described here, not for asking for general feedback on a linked demo.

I think in all probability this is too far along for 'Early Project Feedback' and instead should be in 'Project Development'. Please read the guidelines for both and choose the one you think is nearest to where you are in developing this game.

EDIT
I have just read your Status Update and see that you have, in fact, already started a game thread. Please keep all general feedback there, not in other threads/parts of the forum.
Thanks.

Just wanted some feed back on which project sounds more interesting and looks more interesting based on the limited art work I posted. I am at work so I didn't get much time to updated, but was excited to post this. I am passionate to work on either game. I just wanted to know which game you guys would like to see come to leave.

image hosting 20mbcertificity.com

Short Plot Summary

Crystal Returners: A crystal world born through the power of a tear brought by light was shattered years ago. This giant crystal gave life to everything on Crystalis until a war between nations caused caused havoc around the world in the fight of the 5 major crystals. After years of war the 5 crystals break and create many other crystals which grant the power of eternal life and unlimited strength. Now a team of mercs are given a mission to location the parent crystals and harness there enegry in order to grant the king power. Without knowledge of what will happen to the world without the powers of the crystals. The mercs sent off to complete their mission.


Daimon: An orphan who was taken in by the Miyamoto family at a young age has the powers to see, hear, and talk to spirits, and demons. His two best friends are Kosuke whose from the Miyamoto clan and Kato who was also taken in by the same family. The boy is about to attend his first year in HS. While on his way to school his life will change when he encounters 4 daemons in the appearance of man.

A war that had happened many years ago against humanity and the daemon world was about to present itself once again. Can you live the life of a High School student while battling the forces of evil?

LOD: Years of murder and disappearacne ravages the city of eagle. One day a girl wakes up in a locked dungeon. She must fight her way through puzzles and shadow people and escape the horror of evil. With the help of other captured people can you make it out alive or be taken by death himself?


Sorry for any typos. I can add more info later. Thanks everyonr. Feel free to ask questions.

'Project Development' is (to quote from the Rules for this particular forum) for games that are still subject to change, but nothing major, with an easily downloadable demo, screenshots etc. etc. Clearly this is not in that category.

I shall merge your post into Plot and Character Feedback, without the poll, as that cannot be merged and would not be appropriate in that thread.

In my current game I have many characters, namely 9 of them. I am thinking of making different personalities to each of them, not being cliche but not being that much different either. So I want you to share your thoughts about them.

Well, my mage is a magus which is basically a young prodigy and the strongest mage at his age and the strongest mage of his school, even surpassing the professors. Normally he would be the representative of the arcane school but he is a man of simple tastes, preferring to live like a warrior. That trait is not really respected in Aldea so he left the city. He is a LGBT person, on the G side. The game is never about romance but he will be having a lover. Well his brutish personality reflects my thought of no people on the G side or the mages in general need to be shadowed by other characters in the sense of being rough.

My healer is a diviner, which was a priestess but wanted to join the paladins for the crusade. On her travels she have seen many cults, both neutral and dark. She had the chance to observe their power granted by faith magic and the powers were just as formidable as hers. She saw light was not the only option, and the truth was just near her eye. So she quit being a priestess and embarked a journey to know every deity and how to wield faith magic, and how the different deities give different powers. She looks faith like mages look at the arcane, so much potential and so much flexibility. She still has a good heart and still helps people in need kindly but still is a rough woman. I wanted her to not be vulnerable just because she is a girl AND a healer.

@fireflyege I like your approach. Normally, for all I can see, when people are creating mages and healers(and everything between) as heroes, they make them vulnerable, naive and sensitive. Of course, this is my opinion, this is what I see( I don't have that much knowledge about it tho XD).
But for all you described, both your characters seem really smart and strong. To be honest, I don't like the idea of your male character surpassing the professors right away, even if he is a prodigy. He should need to learn something, to grow his power in some sort of way. Maybe, in the end, he could be offer the representative job, which he would say no because he wants to fight. That is my idea.
You female character seems really open minded, determined and kind. Her backstory is interesting, being a knowledge seeker, exploring the world to learn more. I like the idea of her being a badass! Girls Rule!!
So, I think you are on a good path. In terms of personality I like them both, and I don't think they are cliché.

@fireflyege I've merged your topic with Plot and Characters Feedback.

@Guigumu yes my mage, Nolan is a powerful mage at the age of 21 and even better than most those teach the art. But thanks to his sirenic heritage and the psychic powers handed to him, he can learn complex magic that requires practise quickly with just reading minds of individuals that know the spell also Nolan is actually quite dedicated about perfecting magic himself, like Hermione Granger from Harry Potter series to the point he depends on his magic to the point that he can not really imagine a life without magic.

For my healer Serenity, thank you. I wanted her not to be a shy little girl, and thought even if you are pious you can still wonder and question. She is a knowledge seeker but also a philosopher but that does not mean she is not seeking power, in the gameplay you learn her spells with finding deities and proving your worth to them. Of course I did not want to go to the occultist route so every deity has distinct spells, for example if you find the dark deity you do not get dark healing spells surpassing the light ones, you still need those light magic to heal and darkness for other things which offer different things.

I have shared previous test videos for my game, and here is the most recent one, with some of the characters more realized: I had an explanation typed in as well, but for some reason the site deleted it during the posting process and I don't feel like typing it again, lol. .

I have three ideas for projects that I am thinking of pursuing further, and I wanted to get some feedback on them. All three of them are in the same story/game world that I've used in my previous DMing days, and that I am currently using for a novel writing project.

- The first story idea is one that I've already started working on. The concept is that the character chooses gender/name/class at the beginning, and the gender/name/class of various companions change to complement the character (so one character would be a "brother" / "sister" that was raised with the main character, as well as a potential "one-sided-love-interest" character. Also, if the player chooses the "Priest" role, the potential "priest" will actually become another class and have a different backstory when meeting up. Also, the main quests later on will change depending on the chosen class from the beginning). Chronologically in the game world, this one is the latest one. The game starts in a school of adventurers, so the early game is mainly learning the skills and training, before being forced into the wider world.


- The second story idea follows the trope of "teleported into another world". The MC, who lives in a modern town and is about to write an entrance exam for a certain university, buys this sword from an antique shop. While at school, he's chased down by a bunch of bullies, who beat him up and stuff him into his locker. Through a conversation with a mysterious voice , he is teleported to this other world, where he comes in contact with the other characters. This game has a lot more politics involved, and I was thinking it would also include a "reputation" system, which would determine how various factions react to the party, depending on choices made in game. Certain other options become available depending on the choices you make as well. Chronologically in the game world, this one would be earliest.

- The third idea kind of has a different feel to it, in my mind. Chronologically, it is in the middle of the two stories, and the main purpose of the game is to build up a province of a kingdom that has fallen into ruin as the result of a long-standing war (so while the others might have a "home base" with some development as an extra feature, this one has the building up and governing of the "home base" and the surrounding kingdom as its main focus.


I don't know. Do you think any of these concepts are workable?

Introduction
Hi community! I been working on this idea for a very long time now, but i want some feedback to know if it´s worth the try. RPG Maker Vx Ace is what i´m going to use. I´m a spanish speaker, therefore i´ll put all my effort on writing this so you can understand me.

Plot
Magic days tells the story of a boy/girl whose life changes a morning when after waking up, finds him/her self transformed in an antrophomorphic animal, in a medieval world filled by people of the same kind. In this fantastic world, magic fills the every day basics, wars are a thing from the past and the population grows haealthy and happy. The protagonist wil have to find out why he was transformed into an animal and transported to this world where humans don't exist. A weird character, in the form of an alien, will guide the protagonist through the world, teaching him/her how to survive in this extrange place, only to find out that the real purpose of the travel is to stop an evil faction, trying to introduce war machines that threatens to change the way the world works.

Well, this is the plot so far. I want to recall that this project is not a furry fetish game as it may sound, it´s inspired by the worlds of "Kung Fu Panda" and "Zootopia". The image that inspired me to work on this project is a Pokemon fanmade ilustration named "Delphox's Cauldron" by Bluekomadori. (i.imgur.com/zPfl0jq.jpg). The world will have a magic enviroment as no other, as it was stated before, the antrophomorphic animals live in this world where humans don't exist. Beacause of this, fairies, magic creatures, forest entities and natural spirits live among the people, making the world more fantastic than it already is.

Graphics
In this aspect, i like it to resemble that of "Final Fantasy Tactics Advance", but with better quality on the sprites and tiles. The player will be able to see the changes in the armor or weapons equipped, altought it may not be much of a change, but it´s something i like seeing in games of this quality.

Game mechanics
The gameplay will resemble that of "Legend of Zelda", on an isometric view, ABS combat system, lots of puzzles and a house where the player will have to craft lots of tools to get through the dungeons.
The classes will be locked in to the three basic classes of RPG (warrior, mage and thief). Every class will have it´s own type of house where the player will have the chance to craft the tools to pass through the game. Every class will have a diferent way to solve the puzzles.

Warrior - The way of the warrior is through it's strength and toughness, it will resemble a lot to the "Barbarian" in "Diablo 2", with screams that will let him buff powers as he may need. Some of them are for jumping over a cliff, other are for getting through a wall, opening a door, take down a tree to cross a river, etc. In the house, it will be able to craft weapons, armors, train new moves, power buffs and battle tactics.

Mage - By the arts of magic, the wizard will solve the puzzles thanks to being able to craft potions, scrolls, cook power crystals in the cauldron, learn new spells from the grimoire (spells will be found in dungeons or sold in the library) or call some spirits for help. (minions/pets)

Thief - Crafting traps, strange artifacts, or utility tools like a rope stair or a hook shot will only be some of the things the thief has in hand to solve the puzzles. He can also learn new acrobatic or juggling skills. By wall running or climbing the rocks, the thief can get to the other side of a pit.

Weapons and Skills -
This is a feature that i like from the .hack // IMOQ games. Classes will not have ability trees, in this game the weapons grant the skills, such as a sword allows the warrior to make a spinning attack, a dagger grants the thief the ability to throw it and retrieve it, a staff can have a fire ball skill or an electric field. Crafting weapons will be much more exciting, because you will have the opportunity to choose the skill you get, although sometimes it may be random.

Features -
Making money by killing monsters is a thing from the past, it may sound strange, but isn't it stranger that a monster living in a forest, miles away from civilization has 3 gold coins in his guts? for me it is. Loots that give money are only a thing that you will find if you kill a guard, a bandit, an enemy with reasoning that knows what use that coin has. Therefore money can be made by selling some potions, weapons, armors, tools.
Also, there will be mini games, were you can stand on a park and sing, dance, play an instrument, show some skills, sell stuff that you crafted, and if the people likes it, they will throw some money in to your hat. These mini games resemble that of "Guitar Hero" and "Dance Dance Revolution". And a special feature for the thief will be that of walking among the people, watching a NPC doing the same stuff, if the crowd is to distracted with the show, the thief can get some money by pickpocketing them.

The End
Well, that was hard to write! I'll be waiting for some good feedback, critiques, questions, did you read anything that you believe can´t be made in RPG Maker VX Ace? Anything extra you want to know?
Plus, as you can see, this will be a very hard game for one person to make alone. Therefore, if the feedback is good i´ll be opening a "Team recruitment" thread. First i´ll make the game non-commercial, but if it gets to much attention money doesn´t hurt...

Thank you for reading, i hope you like the idea.
Good bye community!

Well I see many great designs. Do you have any ideas for a very unusual assassin backstory?