Plot and Character Feedback

Well I guess it depends how "from zero" you want to start. Protagonist waking up to a meaningless task is kinda overdone, and so is "hometown gets destroyed while hero is gone on a meaningless errand". If becoming a great hero is this guy's dream, it's likely he's taken some steps towards it already,s tarted getting some training, whatever. Maybe he's a hunter/poacher, and some event happens while on a hunt that sets off the story? Maybe he's part of his crappy, back-water hometown milicia? Maybe he's a courrier running between villages in hopes of someday meeting someone important or going to the capital? Maybe he's even a stowaway on a ship or something in order to get to the capital and try to enroll. I'd at least try to start the game with something relatively meaningful and that actually says something about your protagonist. Being waken up by grandpa to fetch herbs might work if he's a laze slob, I guess, but it's nothing new under the sun...


Setting the story off is sometimes the hardest thing, maybe work from the end towards the beginning: How does the game end, what important events happen on the way, etc.?


Also work on your character's background and personality, it might give you some ideas about where to start.


Other thing to consider: if he actually carries a soul shard, how does he acquire it? Was he born with it? Does he acquire it mid-story or at the beginning? This could make your intro. Does he kill some sort of mad bear of wolf while on a hunt or whatever and the shard that was possessing the animal migrates to your hero? How does this shard influence your hero, and how does this develop throughout the story (and/or throughout his youth if he was born with it)? Does he have like a dark, hardly containable urge to kill/destroy stuff/people when he's angry? Does he gradually grow un-sensitive, become more and more of a distant streaming water bag? Does he become more attracted to other bad types (shard carriers), can he feel their presence, their thoughts even? Does the big bad gain some sort of suggestive power over the hero? Also, what powers and abilities does this give the hero? If you want to to be a genuine surprise and plot twist, this has to be subtle (as is the scene during which he actually acquires the shard, no big magicky flash transferring from the mad bear to the hero or whatever).

So yeah, think about your story as a whole, define your characters, think about your hero's progression and abilities/limitations, and this should help you narrow down the beginning of your story.


A story's beginning is the first thing a player reads/plays through, but it's rarely the first thing that was written down.

idea removed due to future spoiler

Ahah, no problem :)  A last note on your last comment:




That's quite a list of games! To be honest I have played less than half of these. But what I'd suggest is taking some time to reflect on what you mean by "feel like these games". What is it exactly about all of these games you liked? Surely there is something you could emulate. Was it a mechanic, a way to narrate the story...?

And I also suggest giving these a read. It's a bit lengthy but it's super interesting. Especially the ones about FF6, Chrono Trigger and FF7 which are very relevant to RPG games development.

@LaFlibusteI guess..I want the players experience the same sensation as when they played those games and read those mangas, aha. I want to emulate their storytelling and concepts. Like,,,you know the SeeD thingy in FF8, the adventurous princess thingy in FF9, the Naruto-and-Sasuke bond and their comrades backstory, the highly order of things in Bleach, the crewmateship in One Piece, the guild thingy in Fairy Tail, the casualness, yet meaningfulness, of Gintama, the massive cast of characters of Suikoden 1 n 2, the environmental interactability of Golden Sun 1 n 2,..and more stuffs of theirs, haha. Okay, thank you for the link!

Anyone remember how in Final Fantasy V, Bartz and company ended up traveling to another world, then eventually returned to their world, only to find that it had merged with the other world?


I'm going to be using a similar concept, only the idea why the world had 'separated' in the first place is going to be completely different.


More or less, this is going to be a mapping style challenge in the development area. This is something I have never, not once ever have done.


Like, there are going to be places in one world you cannot reach, same with the other, until the merge. That will be a great challenge in itself.


Has anyone else attempted this before? Was it easy? Hard? Would you do it again? Or Never Again?

@Reapergurl That sounds interesting. I tried to do that in an old game about a library where the characters and settings could only interact with one another if their books were physically touching, and in one scene, the torn out pages of Andersen's fairy tales got sandwiched in a giant World War II aircraft compendium. The game never got finished, mostly because it was incredibly difficult to get the feeling of two wildly different worlds combined with one another. Since the I used RTP, there wasn't a lot I could do, aside from recoloring some tiles to black and white, to differentiate between worlds, so it didn't work to mash both of them together when you couldn't really tell the difference between them. If I tried to do this again, I would hand draw the Andersen sprites in watercolor and digitize real war photos for the aircraft book sprites. However, I can't do that right now, because I am working on something else, with its own set of problems.

I like to include some level or realism in my games, since I want my settings and factions to seem like a place that can actually exist and function. I try to include things like numerous subcultures, basic physics, biology, and politics, which cramps my style, but can be used to create all sorts of situations that would never come up in most games. I understand that other people might not like that, so I am asking you guys if you think my backstory is too ridiculous. Bear in mind that this is just one of many of the socioeconomic weirdnesses that happen in the game.

Two planets, Jordan and Venedar, are at war. A massive, thirty kilometer long space robot, Svalin, defends Jordan from interplanetary missiles and invasion craft. Once every decade, Svalin needs to be reloaded and refueled via rockets from Jordan. This process takes around two years. However, this decade's refueling was put off for a whole year because of the reappearance of people from a previously isolationist planet, SLP. Because of this, the refueling process is particularly drastic. In order to manufacture enough fuel to get everything into space, the Jordan government places a high price floor on agriculture, to convert the resulting food surplus into alcohol. At the same time, taxes are raised to fund new rockets and Svalin ammunition and rationing systems are put in place. Things are pretty bad for the people of Jordan, since they have to pay more tax, food is extremely expensive, and you can only buy so much of it, but the alternative is horrible missile death, so they are okay with it.

How does this affect the player?

You are part of the military and you and your family are exempt from rationing. Nobody is going to harass you for food since you are huge and terrifying, but they will attack your mother. Sometimes people break into your house while you sleep and you have to get them to leave. At the same time, prices of certain healing and food items become extremely expensive. You live in the country, and rationing is less enforced there, so every now and then, you get roving gangs of black market city gangsters looting stores before returning to urban areas. You can fight them. Also, the large parts of forest near your house that was previously used for level grinding and item gathering has been bought out and turned into chestnut orchards and potato fields. You can get a job there and do mini games about picking chestnuts or defending the crops from the aforementioned city gangsters.

@Pierman Walter I kinda like your backstory. Sounds similar to the war between the Sovereign and the Federation that I have going.

Of course, the two factions are warring over territory, and belief systems, the latter of which is an attribute of Real Life politics today.

That being said, only 40% of the territory is being fought over; the main continent of Alna (Sovereign), and the Eastern Isles (Federation).

The northern Arctic, southern half of Alna, and outlying regions are not even involved, with the exception of Kalota to the southwest of Alna, who is sympathetic to the Federation.

One huge part to note about the belief systems, is that they are the main basis of laws.

Sovereign favors non-lethal punishments for any and all crimes; Federation favors death for severe crimes.
Sovereign favors productive exile; Federation favors imprisonment and, or slave labor.
Sovereign favors restitution for thievery; Federation favors public humiliation on top of imprisonment.
Sovereign accepts people as they are; Federation accepts special interest minded people only.
Both factions favor magic, but the Federation prefers to instill power using magic, something Sovereign despises.
Sovereign allows sanctuary for Federation refugees that fall under discriminatory categories under Federation beliefs, such as LGBT, unwilling homelessness, inability/non-desirability to serve in the military, bankruptcy, and so on.
The Federation goes out of their way to stop refugees and emigration if it would suit them to keep the individuals from doing so, and often they do.
Sovereign is against war machines, the Federation secretly builds them, which is one reason why the two are at war.
Sovereign rulers are often elected or are given the rites of leadership, depending on circumstances and anyone of legal age (15) is eligible for rule.
Federation rulers are almost never elected, and if there is a situation where an election must take place, it is almost always rigged, and only those that actually contribute to the Federation will have a say (which eliminates about 94% of the population's voices). Also, it is very, very rare to have a woman as a ruler. However, the current ruler of Rai, the one powerhouse taking the war to Sovereign, is a woman, who is very young, and very foul-tempered (as well as extremely foul-mouthed).
Education is very important to both factions, but most of the education provided by the Federation's systems is practical application studies, in an effort to get people ready for combat more quickly.
As a complete opposite, Sovereign's education systems are more based upon academic standards, though there is a fair, equally balanced amount of practical application studies, depending on the education path chosen by the individual.
Here's a big one.
Speaking of individuality, it is something Sovereign thrives on, whilst the Federation actually has laws against being different to a degree.

Eventually, warring ends when a much bigger problem arises that cares not about the differences of the two factions, but uses their war-torn weariness to an advantage.

One could say that this story part has similarities to the evil sealed deep underground in FFV, but the great evil in this story was never sealed, only banished. The world was split into two worlds because the great evil was bound to a stellar object that had crashed into the world a very long time ago and eventually slipped deep into the world, far beyond the reach of mortal advent.

By splitting the world, said stellar object had also been banished, or so it was thought. The truth was far different than lore would suggest.

Breaking the idea, I am using Yanfly's New Game +, because the truth is only revealed once the ability to continue in the fashion of bonus gameplay is available.

@Reapergurl Although I like the idea of two factions being diametric opposites, it's super obvious who is supposed to be the good guy and the Federation is so stupidly evil that it borders on Captain Planet levels of propaganda. Be careful not to create the entire setting of the game by making the enemies take on characteristics of people in real life, and then making them as evil as possible to prove a point. You can still make Federation as evil as you want, but from a story standpoint, it is better to include some downsides to living in Sovereign that aren't Federation's fault, some good and kindhearted Federation people, and some Sovereign people who are demons in human form, or else you wind up with an entire Mary Sue country. Another good thing to do is to put some historical or cultural context into why Federation is so bigoted.

For example, in my game, the planet of Jordan is relatively transphobic, not because of any anti-LGBT discrimination, but because it is completely impractical to transition when your entire life is spent in hearing about missile strikes, trying to preemptively avoid missile strikes, and missile strikes. Combined with the extreme shortage of medical equipment and facilities making "frivolous" surgeries like facial hair implants impossibly expensive, it isn't worth the time and effort. The body dysphoria problems of Jordan youth are less, "I am not allowed to wear dresses because my family won't accept that I am a girl in a boy's body." and more, "I have no arms, am almost totally blind, all the skin on my back has burned off, and my family can't help me because they are all dead." In general, Jordan people take issues with transsexuals because their very existence is drawn from selfishly taking resources away from people who need it more, but they are fairly accepting of gender bending in general. A popular poetry magazine is run by cross dressers, and nobody hates them, because they haven't made a full transition and therefore have not used up valuable hospital space and anesthetic. Basically, what I'm trying to do here is create a world that is incredibly harsh for everyone and some people unfortunately have it a bit harsher, instead of "These guys do bad things because they are the enemy."

Still in the process of writing the story of my game, but hit a wall after you lose an unwinnable one-on-one fight with a recurring character when you first meet him. After he beats you, he takes you back to town and pays for you to stay at the inn. When you wake up, he doesn't believe you're the one who'll defeat Vespion since you lost so easily to him. He tells you to go home because the world's too dangerous for people as weak as your party. He leaves and one of your teammates dismisses his warnings, wanting you to keep looking for the remaining magic gems.

When you get to the next town is the problem. Eventually you're supposed to see the Marquess who runs that town and his right hand is supposed to join you temporarily. The thing is, how do you get into his castle?

In an earlier part of the game, you have to do an annoying fetch-quest to get authorized to speak to the king of your country (and having to knock the teeth out of the bureaucrat who made you do all those forms and sent you on those errands), so doing another is a bit redundant.

This reall belongs in Character and Plot feedback.
[mod]Merging [/mod]

But what if nobody notices?

@MobileSuitSonic People do notice this thread and give feedback.

@Pierman Walter
Actually, I just gave the exterior, on-the-surface description of how things work between the two factions.

There is a lot of evil and a lot of good in both factions, but to see the evil in Sovereign or the good in the Federation, it would take a lot of digging. Both factions are damn guilty of misleading their people, and there is one magistrate of Sovereign who, while must uphold the Sovereign laws, is in fact, a supporter and double-agent of sorts for the Federation.

Likewise, the Federation also has a mole, but the mole isn't as high in power (or in respect for that matter).

The Federation wants power, and to be the one governing force; if they had this, many lawmakers would support the idea of merging many of Sovereign's policies and laws into their own. Sovereign would not do the same, but would eliminate all of the Federation's laws and policies, one set of which includes a freedom to bear arms, which would mean that anyone with any sort of armament (doesn't have to be a weapon or even usable) must have it licensed, under strict penalty if not.

Sovereign says they want peace, and believe that armaments are not a part of it, but accept magic no matter what (even if magic is often far more powerful). The Federation does desire peace, and a working relationship with their people, but settling the war is first and foremost, whereas Sovereign has no reason to want to force everyone able-minded and able-bodied into the military.

Fact is, both factions are equally flawed. However, on the surface, it is made to be that Sovereign is benevolent, the Federation is malevolent, but neither really matters to the banished evil because to said evil, all are worn down, all are easy picks, all are food.

The Federation does fall. However, it is because the Federation is struck first by the great evil.

There's one more thing about Sovereign; south of the main continent of the Federation is a place highly regarded by Sovereign Acolytes. It is believed that the Federation wants to tear it down without realizing the harm that would do.

what do you guys think of depression as a force of nature villan
(example of force of nature villian is the joker as chaos)

basicly, the villian is depressed and wants the world to share in there misery and nihlistic attitude. This would take place in the wake of a group of heros saving a country, but there actions also causing a decline in the way of life with the uplift of the way of life

of course there will be lighthearted moments in the game. I just figured i could do a depression force of nature villian well because of personal experince

I'm thinking of a puzzle/horror game with elements similar to Yume Nikki, Lisa the First and Pocket Mirror, though I'm doing my best to make it as original and memorable as possible. The story will be a surreal journey, a representation of the main character's (Diana) fears, past omens and mental health. A few year's ago, Diana's family was joyous and for better or for worse, ordinary. Her parents were kind and she had a younger sister, who was often left in Diana's shadow. One day one of the sisters didn't come home, you can leave that up to your imagination as I won't spoil that much further. This leaves a rift in her family and her father disappears for an unknown reason. Struck by grief, her mother turned to alcoholism and unable to watch her sink any lower into her pit of despair, Diana leaves to move in with one of her only friends after saying her farewells.

After moving in with her friend (currently unnamed, his name is John Doe for now), it gets gradually clearer that something isn't quite right in Diana's head. She can't concentrate, sleep or interact with people or objects that well. Diana seems to drift into her own separate reality and the real world itself, with her own imagination slowly getting more provocative and possessive the more she delves into it. The two separate realities will take turns shifting until it's confusing which is the right path to take and every action you make will be questionable. I assure you all of this is happening for a good reason and there will be a heavy plot twist at the end that will probably change your perspective on the story. Since I'm paranoid and cheap I won't say it here unless I have good reason to.

I'm not too sure if I can implement this and it may be a long shot as I haven't made a game before, but I think I can do it if I try my best. I'm not too sure about the "alternating reality" thing. Should I just stick to one road and follow that so it's less confusing?

Thoughts?

@KKraze I like your story idea. I say go for it, and if you need help along the way, just ask!

@Reapergurl Thanks, that means a lot. I'll be sure to ask if I get stuck on something :)

I've been worried about the premise of my game, and how it'll be viewed by players, so I figured I'd pop in and get some feedback.

Essentially, a large portion of the game is an arena style fighter in which the main character has to battle his way through other gladiators and beasts in order to earn his freedom from the mad king. He was abducted as a child when the king's army swept through the continent and seized the tribal lands. Even though he was only a boy, he was fierce, and fought back, landing a blow against the king himself, and leaving a scar on his face. Since then, he has been held captive and trained as a gladiator for the entertainment of the king, his court, and the odd and eccentric people of the upper crust. When the king is threatened by a new and powerful axis, he makes the decree that his gladiators will have one final tournament, and the winner will have his freedom from the king, his arena, and his army. All others will be conscripted into the army to fight the new, powerful foe. Our player character will have the options to train, forge allies, face enemies, earn favor with various members of the court and upper class, commit crimes, hire assassins, and various other methods in order to win the tournament. These things will take on the role of quests, with some directly moving the story along, and others granting skills, stats, and items.

My concerns lie in the lack of adventuring. I know a huge part of RPGs is wandering, grinding, and adventuring, and my game doesn't really have that stuff. I guess I'm banking on the road less traveled being a draw, with a unique underlying story.

What do you all think?

@jezebelthenun Sounds awesome to me.

I like those kinds of games, why else would I play games like Elder Scrolls?

Breakthrough:

We have the guy you're trying to see, Puffy, running off to get medicine for the Marquioness (sp?) cooked by the hermitess living in Darkwood Forest, northeast of Carabas. When you get there, you discover that she had something stolen while Puffy ran off to gather the necessary ingredients for the brew the old crone is making.

Question is: What would be stolen? An experimental potion?