I posted a long while back, and stuff has changed etc, but I would like to take some time to type up and seek feedback on a story. It's hard to get the formatting right for indentations, so *'s denote major sections of story progression, and what is in between are just sections of plot points leading through it. Obviously I've got some work to do on the story, but the rough outline is there, and i'm filling in some details as well. There are also at least 2 more major characters I haven't included due to not having their descriptions quite finished yet, I'm still working on the main enemy. The political environment in the empire, forest and mountains are pretty well set, as well as their interactions, It's just trying to figure out details at this point.
I've started to work on some rough concept maps for the first section of the story, to help with writing and focusing on the story I'm trying to tell.
A lot of the character names have finnish derivation thanks to a conversation I had with a friend, and the many similarities between the how the words are formed with vowel and consonant sounds and how japanese words are formed, making for many useful double meanings.
Tell me whatcha think
:p .
Characters:
Lazu Yopullo
Name Origin: yopollo roughly comes from finnish, litterally Night owl. Lazu has a mixed meaning. Both from Lapis Lazuli, and also from the Finnish word for Bill, Lasku. Character name I originally used was Bill
:p .
Young adult in a village deep in the woods, Lazu is an Herbologist by trade, and dedicates himself to observation and understanding of every aspect of the great woodlands around himself. Calm, and highly observant, Lazu is treated with respect in his village, and is often called the young sage.
It is common for Lazu to maintain his calm but stern demeaner. His brow is commonly furled. He is hyper aware and observant of the world around him. Not one to take risk or play games, Lazu is often seen as an old man at heart. To match is personality, Lazu also takes an interest in Geology and archeology, often venturing into the foot hills of the mountains near his village to examine what is left of old roadways from a long forgotten era.
Lazu's tribe has a mixture of hunters and gatherer's. There aren't specific gender rolls, rather, the village lives communally, with the old and wise acting as the elders to lead the village. Due to Lazu being perceived as 'old at heart', he is often giving great latitude to do as he pleases.
Lazu is roughly 5'10" tall, or 178 cm. His eyes and hair are brown. His hair is long, and often pulled back into a pony tail. He somewhat muscular, weighing in at 160 lbs. His people have high cheek bones and somewhat of a more pointed chin than the average person's.
Prefers fruits and nuts, and is an expert at preparing herbal tea. His analytical nature tends to lead him away from specific phobias, but that overanalysis can be a fault at times. He has a childhood friend name Kana, who often accompanies him when he goes out for long excursions. As Kana is a hunter, she uses these instances to check traps and seek larger animals that often shy away from the village. This has led to Kana and Lazu sharing many misadventures, which Lazu has mixed feelings about. On the one hand, it helps him think on the fly. On the other hand, he must think on the fly.
Curls his hair around his finger as a nervous habbit.
Kana Oneli
Name Origin: Kana has mixed meanings. Wonder in japanese, and Chicken in Finnish. Oneli comes roughly from the finnish word for Happy.
Kana is impulsive and childish, much the opposite of Lazu. Despite this, she is also a very skilled hunter in the tribe, whom Lazu trusts with his life. Due to her impulsive nature, she is generally not allowed to wander too far from the village unsupervised, thus Lazu proves a useful excuse to meander further on occasion. This mutually beneficial deal allows her to explore and keep Lazu out of harms way.
While generally seen as 'annoying' or 'bothersome', Kana has a good awareness of those around her, and knows when and where to draw the line. Light hearted and undaunted, her proficiency's once saved Lazu from a tight spot, and has earned his respect, despite the differences in their demeanor. Kana mutually respect's Lazu for his patience and intellect, and both get along quite well.
Kana is 5'7", 120 lbs, and extremely dexterous. She specializes with the bow, but is also extremely proficient with daggers. She has long, light brown hair. Her eyes are hawkish, and brown as well.
Sara Kehakku
Name Origin: The finnish word for Emerald inspired sara, which holds a double meaning in japanese, Farther. The last name is derived from the finnish word for the flower merigold, and holds a double meaning from the japanese words for "to place" and "Result".
Sara is a guardian of her island, isolated far into the ocean away from the main continent. There are not many resources on the island, so those trained in weapon handling are considered to be a higher cast than normal. The act of owning a sword is the highest honor, as weapons and materials are exceedingly rare here. Perceptive and confident, Sara often seeks to put her skills to the test. This makes her stubborn, but also quick on her feet. She prefers to perform her duties alone, as she believes others will only get in the way.
Sara is 5'9", and apprx 135 lbs. Living on the tropical island leaves her with a natural tan. She has short black hair, and carries herself with purpose and poise. She is constantly focused on her intent.
Visas Yopullo
Name Origin: Visas from the finnish word for Wise. Yopullo, see Lazu.
Visas Yopullo is the father of Lazu, and the face of the woods people. Due to the landscape, the empire cannot use their mounted troops in the mountains or forests, creating a natural barrier to their conquest of the other peoples of the continent. While the empire and the tribes of the snow peaked mountains often skirmish in the foots hills and fields bordering the two, The people of the forest rarely leave, doing so only to trade for supplies. They have the respect of the mountain men for their skills in craftsmanship and hunting, and are revered in the empire for their diplomatic skills. Considered a reasonable third party by all involved, Visas is currently in the empire brokering a peace package, allowing the men of the mountain produce from the farms in the foothills in exchange for metals, and an end to raiding from the mountains.
Visas' great intellect, compassion and patience have made him the pride of the forest, and an individual of consequence in any continental discussion.
Visas stands at 6'0", 190 lbs and is 57 years old. He often holds his face in a wizened scowl, also busy understanding the people around him. His hair is long and white, and he has silvery blue eyes.
*Introduction: Sara explores ruins, finds crystal
Spoiler
Sara, ever curious of the ruins deep in the jungles of the island on which she lives, discovers a hidden passage leading deep into the heart of the ruins. There she finds a magnificent crystal, floating on an alter with glyphs drawn around the room, focused on the 4 cardinal directions.
While examining one of these glyphs, an amulet she wears, set with a vibrant green crystal, reacts. After a brilliant flash of light, and a nauseating feeling of lightheadedness, she decides to backtrack out of the temple to find more information on the glyphs. However, something is different about the temple. The air is cooler, and less humid. As she backtracks, she notices that the hidden passage way leading to the alter is no longer underground, but in a cave. The cave, is in a deep forest in the side of a mountain. Where in the world is she?
*Lazu, Scholar of the wood
Spoiler
Enter Lazu, Scholar of the woodland people’s, despite his young age. A morning earthquake shakes the forest, with the source of the tremors apparently coming from the nearby mountains. Lazu is sent by the elders to appraise the situation.
Fateful meetings, Sara and Lazu in the ruins
Spoiler
Lazu walks through forest, heading to the mountains. Finds Sara on the ground, unconscious. Sliding marks on the hill. Checks if she is still alive, she is, puts together a herbal mixture to soothe the swollen bump on her head. Sets up camp for the evening. Sitting around fire, Sara wakes up, is alert, slightly dazed and confused still. They talk at length. In morning, set out for the alter room in the cave. While observing the ruins, Saphire set into Lazu’s staff reacts. Bright Light, dizziness and return to the island.
Sara returns, Lazu is missing.
Spoiler
Lazu and Sara start comparing experiences, and Lazu, using limited knowledge of ancient runes, comes up with a couple of ideas as to what has just happened. He makes note of the color of the stone in his staff and the crystal they now arrived at, as well as sara’s necklace and the green crystal in the jungle. Estimates a total of 5 possible places they could have gone. Not sure how long they have been gone though, so they leave. Lazu is unable to gain any bearings as the stars in the sky are completely different than what he is used to. It is night btw. They make camp in the ruins in a small enclosed room with a window and get some rest before setting out the next day for sara’s village.
The legend of the crystals
Spoiler
After a little bit of a journey, they arrive in sara’s village, where sara has been gone for roughly 4 days, not uncommon by any means. What is uncommon is that she has returned home with a man, who is strange in appearance at that. Lazu is held essentially under house arrest while sara leaves to explain the circumstances to the village Elder.
While here, lazu spends a great deal of time trying to discern details about the culture and customs of his hosts. While avoiding direct questions, he asks seemingly harmless details about things such as where the food comes from when he is brought food, and closely observes customs relating to etiquette. He tries his best not to let this luke warm welcome make him feel bitter. Inquisitive and polite are the best ways to avoid appearing arrogant, obviously.
After eating dinner of different sea foods and a paste made from something with a bread like thing, lazu is summoned to appear before the chieftain. When he arrives, he notes that sara is sitting to the right side of the chieftain, on the side, and that there are 2 people immediately next to the chieftain on either side.
After a short discussion about what has transpired from lazu’s perspective, and questions about his motivations, the chieftain is satisfied, as both stories more or less were in agreement. The chieftain then tells of the stories surrounding the ruins, possibly revealing a connection between the cave temple and the jungle temple, noting the similarities in language, but that there are differences as well. Notes that the existence of this connection ended many generations ago, and that only stories remain. Notes the dim light now in the gems that lazu and sara both posses, and postulating that neither can be used to go between temples any time soon, but that a pair of ruby earrings might return lazu to the mainland. Sara sits quietly, obviously annoyed that she isn’t being included in this discussion about returning to the temple. Lazu retires to his guest room after the lengthy discussion, with plans set for him to return in the morning. Of note, lazu is not forbidden from returning, but neither is he encouraged to.
In the morning, Lazu receives the earrings from the chieftain and is left to return to the temple with an escort from the village. Sara is nowhere to be seen. Slightly disheartened, Lazu leaves for the temple with his escort. When they arrive, the escorts leave Lazu to enter the temple on his own, and wait outside the ruins. Lazu makes his way into the temple and enters the crystal alter room. There he discovers Sara waiting for him. They each put on one of the earrings, and walk to the eastern glyph that they had not stood on yet. With a flash of light, they arrive at a much different room, in much better condition than the previous temples.
*Return to the mainland / a sinister plot
Spoiler
They arrive at the fire temple, a holy site within the empire that holds dominion over much of the open plains of the mainland. The blue glyph that they appeared on was on a platform below the main alter. Not sure where they have arrived at, they hide when they hear someone approaching. They overhear someone communicating with another person that cannot be seen. The second person not present seems to be talking through the crystals. They discuss the upcoming peace talks with the mountain tribes to the east, looking for ways to draw out the enemy fighters to crush them in an open field battle. When Lazu hears this, he realizes that Visas, his father, is who they plan on using to incite this battle. After the temple clears out, Lazu and co sneak out and make for the heart of the Empire to find Lazu's father, Visas.
Heart of the empire
Visas, keeper of the peace.
Knight of political Intrigue
*Emissaries of Peace
Men of the mountains, Lords of the Tundra
Crystal in the Ice / Path less traveled
Spirit of the mountain / Enemy unmasked
*War council / Visas in peril / Rebellious Empire
End of Knight / An Army Hesitates / The Great Weapon
I
nfiltration of the Temple
*The Battle of Spirits / Visas’ sacrifice
The End of an Empire / The Humbled Empress
Shadow of the North / Comprehension Dawns
*Land of no Will
Confrontation with the Shadow
Epilogue: The Architech