Dream Phase

"Welcome to my project's page, guys. This is the one stop shop for Dream Phase information and updates. Note that this game will be heavy RTP (default graphics). It was a personal choice because of how fresh I am to the scene. I launched this [currently] solo project in hopes that I can create an engaging, intelligent, yet simplistic fantasy RPG. I grew up playing games such as Super Mario, Pokemon, Donkey Kong, Mega Man, Golden Sun, etc. With my gamer background, imagination and enough drive I feel I can produce a game that's not only worth playing but worth keeping. This is my stab at just that."


SYNOPSIS "So, basically..."

In the world of Sekai there are factions of people with their own beliefs and practices. These factions, though very different, share one common goal: to maintain balance and peace. The biggest threat to this objective is the Nightmare Army. Like a plague, these demons roam the lands, killing and laying waste wherever they go. A time not long ago, the Nightmare Army was close to engulfing the world in darkness. One brave Paladin by the name of Lionheart made a stand against impossible odds, funneling the demon forces to a general location. The Grand Marshall then made the ultimate sacrifice - a bomb of holy power that would shatter the enemy. With the change of momentum, the factions worked together to push the Nightmare Army back into their corner of Sekai, where the demons dwell today.

 

WORLD MAP "This is the map of Sekai, also known as the world. Here's a nice overview of it's beauty."

CHARACTERS "There will be several new characters you meet on your journey, good and bad. Here's a description of each." (will be updated shortly)

• Aka Goldheart is the son of Doreiku Goldheart. Aka takes on the responsibility of Paladin and accepts the Oath just a few days before I gets an odd dream.
• Doreiku Goldheart The fearless leader of the Lionheart Council. He appoints his best friend, Menta, to ready Aka so he may join the cause.
• Menta Sunhammer Doreiku's right hand man, he serves the Lionheart Council. He teaches Aka the ways of the Paladin.
• Meiji Frostfire Better known as the Great Mage of Sekai. He sits at his throne in northern Sagesong Basin, while his only daughter embarks on a mission.
• Ao Frostfire Heir to the throne of Sagesong, Ao is a master Wizard in the making. Her father, Great Mage Meiji, gives her a special assignment.
• Seinaru Brightmend Also known as the High Priestess. Leader of the Priest faction, she resides in her fortress, Serenity Spire. Has unshakable trust in Howaito.
• Howaito Angelwing Hailing from Faithwake Valley, she has served Seinaru since she was a child. Howaito is faced with her hardest challenge yet.

SCREENSHOTS "Not much to show here at the moment. I took screenshots of my title screen and introduction."

FEATURES "Due to lack of current content, I've made a list of things I will absolutely implement."

• An engaging but easy to follow story line
• 10 equally powerful and diverse classes
• Complex puzzles and mazes
• Countless dungeons loaded with loot
• Special hard to find treasures
• Side quests with great rewards
• Massive amount of combat skills and items

CREDITS "You can bet I'll be using scripts and such that will warrant special thanks to certain people."

• Enterbrain
• the RPG Maker family

Bumping! Not to disrespect the rules or any of my fellow members but to make it well known that my demo is up - albeit short, it's a taste for what's to come!

Any and all types of feedback is much appreciated!

I'm gonna give it a spin and edit the post later for feedback.

The story starts with some cutscenes. The direction is good, and seems to be well-written. The interiors of the buildings could use a bit more detail.

As I talk to that person who says: "I hope you've been practicing," my character's sprite changes to a diashow of various character sprites, and seems to be staying that way. I would fix this firstly- unless this is where the demo ends? In this conversation the text also also goes over the message box at least once, and there's a typo where the word "You're" should be "your."

I'll continue the game when there's more of it. The start of the game is very well-made.

Sounds great man, I hope you enjoy. May be a small demo but I'm really "going ham" right now. Next update will be rather massive. ;)

Me too. But there is one thing I need to ask first or rather I need to warn you of : I am german. We dont suger coat stuff. We dont know how to do that ( for real). So my feedback will be ,for american standards, REALLY harsh and brutal. I try to be nice, and for a german critique it really is. But it without a doubt will be helpfull. .... I think.

So if you want to know what I mean, take a look. I made a quick review of the first 5 minutes of the game. But be warned. German critique really is harsh. Thats how we work. Unless we are told that we are wrong and why, we dont know and we cant make it right. And we all want heartfelt critique without any sugar coating. so if we are asked, say how do you like this skirt we will tell you that its way to short and with your body you shoudn't wear that. 

And that is how i will review this game. 

So .... If you think you can take that, if you can take any critique I throw at you, then, but only then! Take a look in the spoiler. Dont say I didnt warn you. 



The beginning is strange, instead of just saying “Hello Aka, can you hear me” right of the bat you should first have the hero alone, maybe showing him in his bed and the dark space to make it clear by looking at him that he is asleep right know.In this dream part Aka is … too naïve I’d say. Examples: “Ok great – but who are you exactly”

I doubt anyone would just say ok great. But rather “wait what” or be at least a bit doubtful.

“I am just a servant of the Light….. “What is this light? An organisation? Some kind of mystical being? An Intelligent crow? More explanation needed.

“That’s relieving news” why? What so relieving about that?

“I believe we shall” this kind of doesn’t fit Aka. Maybe “Ummm ok, but with WHAT?” or “Fine, let get going “or something would have been better.

“This is the betel of Leonard stand” again, more explanation. What is that, what happened why is it?

“Our great leader….” You mention the name of the great leader a bit after that, but it would be better if you put that info here as well. And WHAT is he the leader of? Well I guess of the Light but again, what IS that?

Why did the demons attack in the first place?

“He was the reason….” Doesn’t fit in here. Or rewrite it. “Leonard…. He… He was the reason I wanted to become a Paladin (serious face)”. But better leave it out. You can put that info in at a later time.

Explanation what Sekai is - I guess it’s the world – so maybe “this serves as a stepping stone towards the peace in Sekai, the world we all live in.”

Also, it looks like its Akas father making him do the Oath, maybe mention that so we recognize him when he is taken away.

“Here is a recent image of…” This… sound wrong. Like a cop checking a surveillance camera.

“No way, that is Meiji!” Who is that, how does Aka know him? Let Aka explain that. Not the strange voice in his head.

Who is the Nightmare army, better explanation and introduction needed? Example: “the nightmare army… The same evil force that once threw this world into darkness and chaos until it was defeated by us, the Light (well not sure about that part but you should know)” something like that.

Why are there butterflies in a temple? Is it outdoors?

How does Aka know that Priest girl?

That I am sensing that- thing doesn’t fit. Better rephrase that. Like I have a feeling that-

Or I think that-…. Or leave it out.

“I have armed you with intelligence…” …. No, not really. I mean why was Aka shown this images in the first place? Sure, the player needed to know some of that. But not all. The wizards and the priest could have been introduced on a different way. Maybe something like: And the 3 fractions of power here in Sekai, the mighty paladins who’s fearless leader is the famous and respected (insert name here), the wizards from (insert region they are from, just an example), who are led by the ever so powerful and wise (insert name here) and the merciful priest, led by the (insert a leader describing (gentle etc.) adjective and name). And by each part switch to the images u have shown.

All in all, this intro

If it raining you should make use of the rain weather option…

Soo…. Old moustache guy knew that hoodie guy would come? He isn’t surprised at all? His reaction is strange.

But I like that you make use of different text colours.

The Old guy isn’t resisting a bit? He should show SOME kind of resistance. Fight back old guy!

“They must be signs…” No, just no. This, you can’t… No. Rewrite that. At least something like, I wonder what they could mean, or “just what the hell was that”, “Who or what was that strange voice” “That was one hell of a dream!” “Man I shouldn’t eat so much before I go to bed” Whatever fits Akas personality best. I don’t know that because honestly I can’t tell Akas personality right now. Is he naïve or does he always believe strange voices in his head?

Guy, at least KNOCK. And don’t just come on, wait till I say you can. Some guys don’t have manners…

And then he comes straight to my bed room? Maybe he could wait in the kitchen or something? How did he know where I am? Creepy.

No, Aka, not of course….. Tell him off for invading your personal space.

But for real. Let that guy knock, let aka answer him and move him to the kitchen while that solider guy

Comes in. more natural that way.

That is not how you bring bad news solider guy… “Aka…. I… I have bad news.

It’s your father” “My father?! What is with him ““He… He is missing we haven’t heard from him till (insert time span) “

Also, make a more depressed face man, you are telling a boy his father has gone missing!

“And I understand it…” maybe “We think he might have been kidnaped by the N.A”

You really need to add a bit more emotions to your writing…. And add some adjectives here and there.

“I… I am really sorry Aka. I can only guess how you are feeling right know.

I know you need some time to let that massage sink in… But mayor (insert name here) wants to see you at once.  … Just take your time, once you are ready come outside, I will bring you to him. “

This is all very good to read, thank you for all this material to work off of. I appreciate your time and efforts. I'll make said adjustments with some spins on it of my own! :D

EDIT: I will be moving my project over to RPG Maker MV! I will be editing the original post.

Well then, here comes the second batch:



Part 2

Alight, let’s move on.

Solider guy just took me to this big house.

• The Granny says “I hear you’re taking on the mission of finding your father.”

I am? How does this old lady know that if even I don’t? If this is something that the other guy I didn’t talk to yet would tell me to do, you should make a switch here so that she says something different before you talk to the old guy and then this text once you actually did take on the task of finding your father.

• Also…. Where do those random potions come from? I get one every time I talk to her?! Wow, cool. Don’t mind me. Just getting 99 free potions.
• 

• When writing, you might want to add one or two dramatic pauses.

“Aka, it’s about your father …… ” (Wait 3 secs or so) “He… is missing”

• Also, I think you should try yanflys message core script for its name box function. To give a better overview who you are talking to.

• “So I have heard” Really? You just got the news that your father has gone missing and that’s all you say? Show more feelings honey! Be sad! Lonely! Mad! Anything. But not so indifferent.

• When talking to old guy he turns his back to me. I talked to him from the left, may be you want to put in his move route turns to player so it doesn’t matter from where u talk to him.

Maybe if the old man talks about the letter, you could show a picture of that letter. So that we know what that skull symbol looks like. Not necessary, but would be a nice touch

• What or who is Doreiku? Explanation needed

• Like Labyrinthine said before, there is a problem with the character once he starts to show what he learnt. It shows the wrong character movement. Don’t forget to turn it back to the real one after it.

• I’d choose a different animation for it, or leave it out completely.

• How does Aka know that Ao is a wizard? Do they know each other?

• Why is Akas father so important? Is he someone famous? What did he do? Who is he? And you should give him a name. Let old guy say his name “Aka…. Hans (or whatever) … your father, he is missing.”

• Why does this Leonard rooster think so highly of Akas family and why?

• “It’s imperative that…” I don’t think it fits the situation. I feel like someone who tries to act all smart should say that. Maybe “it’s of highest importance that” or just it’s important.

• There is a stair that doesn’t lead anywhere. If the house doesn’t have a second floor you might what to delate that. You also might want to put something into that empty room next to the kitchen.  

And that is a far as I can go.

After the noise comes and I am told to go to the kitchen nothing else happens.

But one more thing: You used for both the city and the old guys house the example maps that come with the program.

I think it would be better if you try to make your own maps.

That paladin hall from the beginning looked really good! I’d rather see your own maps then the default ones. 

Excellent feedback Iliketea. I appreciate it, I do! I will make said changes the 2nd time around. 

I've made the update on the original post that I'm trying to get this started and rolling heavy on MV. Seems exciting enough! Since VX Ace has been around for a bit now and MV as well as my project being so fresh, I can't see why not.

I've got a nice sized window to work hard on it - will keep you guys posted.

Thanks again for the pointers and excellent assessment!

I would be more then happy to give you more feedback ^^

BTW. If you do want to include a picture of the letter with that skull mark, I could try to make it if you want. If you do, just PM me more details about it :)

Yes! That would be absolutely awesome lol I dont have any means to transfer my art to the screen. Otherwise I would.

I would love that.

Cool :) just give me more details on that skull mark and I will give my best :D

Iliketea - my friend! Here's a link to an interesting skull that I had in mind. http://static4.depositphotos.com/1028014/389/v/950/depositphotos_3896476-Skull-Grunge-Banner.jpg

The general shape is about right, the color and everything. Except the excessive stuff like the rectangular shape near bottom. Just want skull with mouth open and menacing looking.

ok, I will do my best ! But it will take some time^^ I will tell you once it's finished!

Good deal! No worries though, you take your time :D