Here is some more detailed feedback. I made these notes as I went along, and I decided to keep them that way, because it can be hard to gauge players' reactions if you just get the formal, tidied up version.
In your opening tutorial, some of the jumping events are slightly off. It seems I can only activate a couple of them if I am facing left or right – but as I want to go up, that’s counter-intuitive.
Opening cut scene. Long forced pauses throughout, unless you have monumental lag. I think you should let the player go at their own pace. Not everyone is going to want to wait while nothing appears to be happening. It engenders impatience, and that is definitely not the atmosphere you want to encourage. When you show the credits at the beginning, we have
Show name for 4 seconds.
No name, just the image of the hospital, for 6 seconds.
Next name appears for 4 seconds
And so on. That is immensely tedious for a player and is not the way to engage their interest and attention. Even as credits it doesn’t really work, because we have names and no idea what contribution that person made to the game.
Typos and spellings need correction. For example
“…if you listen closely, You can hear them.” That second you should not begin with an upper case letter.
Your save points needs to be Direction Fix as the graphic changes when you interact with them. Your transfer event on the large black stairs on the second floor is probably set to “Retain” on the direction. However, it needs to be Facing Down, not Facing Up, so you should change that.
There are 12 statues lined up (a strange thing for what I think is a hospital) and yet no one makes any comment about it. When I go down the next stairs, I find an NPC at the bottom who blocks my way, but who says nothing, so I’m stuck. If you want to prevent the player entering this section I think you need a different mechanism. Back up I go (that transfer event also needs to have its direction fixed) and then on up the next set of stairs too. Also that transfer event. I’m going to assume that they all need fixing, so won’t comment about any others I might find.
On the next floor I try to interact the a door and a character (name?) says “That’s not Mom’s office.” This is the first I heard that I was searching for Mom’s office, but at least I now know something about what’s going on. Finally find Mom’s office (huge, empty, could easily be one third or even a quarter of the size) and Mom is in medieval clothes. Hmm, in a modern hospital. Is this a story-driven clash or a mistake?
I have the little transition, and decide to go back upstairs to Mom’s office to see what’s going on. I notice the blood all over the floors, but apparently the characters do not, as they don’t comment on it. I go into Mom’s office and get an automatic game over (is it automatic? If I had tried to move while the sprite was gadding around, would I have made it?) Seems a cheap death. Tested my theory about avoiding the death, and yes it can be done, but only if the right hand arrow is already being pressed when the dialogue ends. This escape relies on 3 things (1) the player having already died, so that they know there is a problem. (2) They decide to retry – but I suspect that many players won’t, they’ll just avoid going back in there. Is that going to have any repercussions on the story? Presumably it should as they are now going to look for her. What happens to all those players who assume that they should avoid this office now? (3)Fast reflexes (or the cheat which I used) to get out. Game progression should not depend on fast reflexes. A lot of people don’t have them.
The reaction to what they see in the office seems a little understated. To have the remark “That’s the first time I’ve seen a zombie” as the sole reaction seems rather too laid back. The offices up on that floor no longer have the “That’s not Mom’s office” dialogue, which is right, but they are looking for her, to see if she’s hidden anywhere around. They might want to go into those rooms, so at the very least, they need a reason why they can’t get in, e.g. the notice that the door is locked. Ah, but one of them is open. Get the key.
In room 2C (by the way, there needs to be some text about the key opening the door, because I assume that there is a text saying something like “We need to find a key to here” if I haven’t found it yet), there is something glittering on top a piece of furniture. Unfortunately, no matter how I approach it, I cannot interact with it, so cannot collect it. I hope it’s not obligatory to progress the game, because if so, I’m stumped. Oh, but all the blood has gone from the floors. Is that meant to have happened? Seems odd that it’s now vanished.
Yes, it looks like that sparkle is needed, probably a key to one of the rooms on the ground floor, so I can’t go any further.
Overall assessment
There is potentially a good story here. What’s missing is attention to detail – how your events are set up; how your story is progressed (the point I made about not knowing I was looking for my Mom’s office); how your characters react to what’s happening around them; typos and spelling. The maps of your rooms also need attention. They could all be shrunk dramatically, and have more objects in them to make them more interesting.
